The Flora and Fauna of North Dome

One of my favorite parts about backpacking is really becoming familiar with the landscape, trees, wildflowers, and rock formations. We were up at 7,500 feet, camped on top of North Dome and had amazing views of Half Dome, Cloud's Nest, and looked down upon Yosemite Valley. This was a very different experience that being in Desolation Wilderness or Trinity National Forest. On our hike to and from North Dome we walked through beautiful little meadows, under huge pine trees and beside delicate wildfowers. But when we reached our destination it was hard to focus on the trees, flowers, and surroundings. We couldn't keep our eyes off of the amazing rock formations. These granite peaks were so enormous, with edges so defined, yet they looked so smooth. I even spotted a huge troll face in the peak right beside Half Dome. But this post is about the flora and fauna that live in such a wonderland.

These may have been my favorite, Alpine Lilies:

I don't recall the name of these interesting flowers but Adam was telling me that they get their moisture from fungi that grow around them.

Pictures never seem to do nature justice but these trees were beautiful. Many of them were Jeffrey Pines, so hugable...they smell like Strawberry Shortcake (the doll), at one point I came around a corner and caught Adam giving a Jeffrey pine a hug and smell.....I was so proud.

During my college days I spent a lot of time at Echo Lake in Tahoe area, I have spent many hours pondering, reflecting, and being amazed at the life cycles of trees and how they grow even in the cracks of huge rocks, and then die and break down to create more soil. How even in their death they provide homes for moss, animals, and other plants. This tree was right outside our campsite, and I grew close to it in the day we spent next to it. 

And I loved this fallen tree as well....

Adam was happy to find these adorable little succulents nestled in the cracks of North Dome.

These three flowers seemed so happy to share a stem together.

Some sort of daisy, right?

To this day I don't know if anything is as peaceful and calming as a meadow full of lupine...

Back in the backpacking business

We did it.

We went on our first trip alone, and we also went on our first backpacking trip in 4 years. Well, we went on an easy backpacking trip when Charlie was 12 months and I was pregnant, don't recommend that at all. Something about carrying a heavy child on a kelty while pregnant and puking doesn't go too well together.

Adam and I jump started our relationship about 6 years ago with plenty of hiking, backpacking, camping, travelling, snow-shoeing, and snowboarding trips. We are both in our element in the great outdoors, something I am forever grateful for. So when I started to plan a little two day getaway my thoughts immediately turned to something like car camping, or renting a cute little cabin in big sur. But the more I thought about it the more I A. remembered we are living on a tight budget these days, and B. want to really spend time with adam...and just adam, so naturally this meant a backpacking trip.

Kate was so incredibly kind enough to take two days off work, and my parents and my brother also devoted Sun-Tues. to my kids.

Adam was pretty excited when I presented my plans to him about a month ago, we spent a few hours looking through our backpacking bible, and found an excellent hike: Porcupine Creek Trail to North Dome. I have backpacked in areas around Yosemite, but never actually in the park itself.

This trip could have not been more perfect. We rolled up to the gate to find out it was free guest pass day (nice, save 20 bucks), then we strolled into the wilderness pass office with 4 minutes to spare and when the nice woman suggested we come back the next morning to get our permit we kindly replied that we were planning on hiking in right at sunrise and so she spent the extra 5 minutes to get us our pass and bear canister. Then we found a beautiful campsite very close to our trailhead. We had time to explore and find the trailhead, check out the map, have a few beers and dinner, sit by a campfire and catch up on things we never get to talk about.

We were up around 5:30 the next morning and were on the trail by 7. I think I finally felt all my trips to FIT really pay off. I had between 30-40 pounds on my back and hiked around 5 miles downhill, through meadows, and up and over huge granite rocks, and with the exception of feeling sweaty, and breathy, I felt fantastic. We stepped upon the magnificient North Dome to find a nice older couple packing up and leaving this epic campsite, complete with shade (it was 100 degrees), a nice big fire ring, kindling stacked, and plenty of larger fallen logs to organize our gear on.

So we did it. 

And we enjoyed it. I spent just about every minute thinking about Charlie and Kate. They were with me the entire time. My heart ached to hold them, kiss them, laugh with them. I carried them with me in a powerful and beautiful way. Every second of this trip I was truly living in the moment, happy to be hiking beside my partner, lucky to be looking at the sweetest little wildflowers, taking in the sweeping views of half dome and yosemite vally, feeling in awe of the huge trees bursting with color against the granite background, relishing in the fact that it was really just me, doing what I wanted and needed to do, but with every step I took, with every little or big thing I set my eyes on, I had Kate and Charlie's spirit right there beside me.

It was interesting how much I thought about, talked about, and the space that these two days created in my mental frame of mind. Ever since having children I have always looked back on my child-free days and felt nostalgic about them being gone. I wondered what it would be like to bike to an amazing lecture on campus, dance freely at a music festival, paint at night with close friends, or stroll through a farmer's market with no plans for the day. But this small trip of just 48 hours really made me realize that I can never go back.

And that I would never want to. I am all of those things I was in college and more now. Instead of biking to campus for a protest, lecture, or gathering, I get to bike along the bluffs with my son next to me and my daughter in the trailer behind me. I dance daily in my living room with my two little sidekicks, paint next to Charlie whenever I please, and quickly race through the farmers market on my way to the tennis courts of park.

 I am not just a mother. I am still Sarah, bad ass enough to hike 5 miles onto a breath-taking peak, and another 3 to get water, and then another 5 out the next morning. I can cook on a tiny backpacking stove just the same as a gorgeous kitchen at home. I can be as free as I let myself be.

And I get to do all of these wondrous things with an incredibly smart, funny, and supportive husband, and two beautiful, silly, and adventurous small friends.

Attitude is Everything

tomorrow...

Tomorrow around noon Adam and I leave for our first trip away from the kids. We are heading to Yosemite to backpack North Dome. It will be between 8-10 miles round trip. Back in the ole days before starting a family we used to go backpacking once or twice a month. There is no better feeling in the world than packing up all your cool gear, throwing forty pounds worth of survival gear onto your back and hiking up switch backs. The sweat, the wind, the pounding heart, the feeling like you will never get there, the sun beating on your back, the rocks, trees, birds, bugs...and then the feeling when you finally make it to the top and get to throw down your back and take in the view. Setting up camp, putting up the tent, finding water to purify, a place to hang your beer (I mean bear) bag, watching the sunset, sipping a beer with the person you love the most in the world...that is what I get to do tomorrow and I am excited.

Except now I have two little ones. The thought of taking a few days to focus on me and adam is almost unthinkable. This is what I will not be doing: I will not be changing diapers, making baked goods, pouring one type of milk into one type of sippy cup, putting on charlie's helmet, putting sunscreen on the kids, playing my millionth game of chase, meeting yet another new mom at the park, building yet another train track, giving baths, helping kids fall asleep. All those wonderful yet tiring things will be left up to my sister, mom, dad and Josh.

Yes I am the type of mom that makes sure 4 capable adults are responsible for my 2 energetic children.

See with Charlie you need energy. He just fell asleep, he woke up at 7 and from 7am until 8pm we have been charging. We played in the backyard, took a bike ride, played at the park, went in the backyard again, played tennis at the high school for an hour, played in the backyard again, played upstairs, and once again the backyard...and then finally he collapsed. No rest, no nap, nothing but fun.

I will miss that, a part of my heart aches thinking of being away from k and c for two days, two nights.

But as they say, my bags are packed (well almost), scones are made, granola bars are made, fruit it prepped, mushroom barley soup is made, and about a million other things are ready.

So....wish us all luck.

You know your a parent of a toddler when...part 3

1. You are at spinning class, sweating like a madman, working your tail off and you look down to find a cheerio next to your towel...and you spend the next 10 minutes of an intense climb not focusing on perserverance and determination, but instead wondering what part of your body that cheerio fell from.

2. Going to the bathroom alone gives you anxiety

3. You hear yourself say things like: Charlie don't throw tomatoes at your sister...Charlie don't touch your sister's bum

4. You have full conservations with your 17 month old about whether or not she has a poopy: 

Kate: poopy

Mom: You have a poopy?

Kate: No poopy

Mom: You don't have a poopy?

Kate: Yeh poopy

Mom: (check the diaper) yes, Kate you have a poopy

5. You find yourself counting to 10 as you get out of your car and race up the stairs even though you are alone.

6. You have to fight the urge to call the police if you hear a lawn mower, chain saw, or some loud car noise between the hours of 1 and 3

7. Something as simple as a walk to the park can take up to an hour as you stop to watch lawn mowers, leaf blowers, or the golden egg: window washers

8. You lose a million races a day to a three year old.

ahh the joys of parenting little tots...

Celebrating Charlie

Look closely: how many candles did I put on Charlie's birthday cake? Whoops!

We have started a tradition that works out nicely for Charlie. After his first birthday party that was more like a wedding in terms of number of guests, money, and time spent organizing and prepping for it, we decided that we do not care for birthday parties, at least not throwing them. We would much rather invite those we are the closest to over for a nice dinner party. So for the past two years we have had small family parties, and it just so happened that we have had TWO parties for Charlie, one with Adam's family, and one with ours. Maybe next year for the big 4 we will combine them. But I think Charlie now expects two parties and likes have twice as much fun.

Charlie's first party was in Sacramento. We were dropping off the kids with Charlie's Nonnie and her two sisters to watch overnight and the whole next day while Adam and I got to go river rafting. NICE! I KNOW...maybe that will be a tradition too.....celebrating the moms, and dads for keeping the kids alive, healthy and happy year after year. 

So since we had all the Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins on the Underwood side together, we decided to throw Charlie a little party. Only glitch was Charlie had a fever and was sick.

Everyone got Charlie thoughtful gifts. He got a purple ball (his favorite color), a cool game, the coolest sticker book ever, shorts, shirt, and a pass to Gilroy Gardens. His face is no reflection on how much he likes or dislikes his gifts, he was sick and asking to go to bed.

but rather than grant his wish to sleep off his sickness we "forced" ice cream and cake down his throat. j/k

 It was a lot of fun to have everyone running all around!

Once we got back from the river we had another family party for Charlie. Some close friends came and we ate, drank, ate more cupcakes (my new hobby-making cupcakes...how domestic am I?)

We enjoyed each other in the backyard...

Charlie loved trying out his present from Glenn and Megan. He surpassed his tee ball set almost 1.5 years ago, and this gadget is cool, you step down, the ball shoots up and you have to hit it out of the air. I think he got it down on try 1 or try 2

He also loved his workerman belt with real tools from Julia and Dwight. As soon as he opened this gift he ran to get his vest that Nonnie made for him.

My dad manned the grill.....

Kate gave it a go at the ball thingy

and couldn't believe how far Charlie smacked the ball, Adam and I weren't surprised at all...I feel a scholarship in our future.

After playing outside, we brought the party inside for dinner and cupcakes. Drumroll please: I made the most delicious vegan cupcakes: mint chocolate with mint frosting and a chocolate glaze, and gingerbread cupcakes with lemony frosting.) They were decadent, and I took a pic to prove it and then accidently erased it off my camera. I have to admit that although my cupcakes were the bomb, it came at a high price, Charlie was still sick and wanted to be held all day, and it just felt terrible to constantly snap at him, no I can't hold you I am making your cupcakes for your party....what kind of mom spends hours and hours making cupcakes when their kid is sick.....sidenote, I got the number of candles right this time! And second sidenote: when I told charlie it was time to blow out the candles he quickly climbed up on the table and dragged over our meal candles...cute.

Kate of course didn't understand why it wasn't her birthday, why she didn't get to blow out candles.

Charlie got a set of garden tools from us..."to help daddy"

And in typical Berkowitz fashion Kate got some presents too...

Charlie was sooo happy to open his BIG present..a 15 dollar skateboard from toysrus, he loves this thing, he rides it to the park and in the backyard, he tries to throw it down and jump on it like the "big boys" do down the street.

Testing out his binoculars from Mama and Pa...

 And trying on his shin guards from Mama and Pa, seriously these things are like the size of my hand and so cute....

Teamwork. Charlie, Kate, and Mama working together to unwrap Charlie's new soccer goal. He is all ready to go!

What was left of 24 cupcakes between 10 people..

Thank you everybody for helping me raise this energetic, sweet, at times high maintenance kid. He is so well loved by both Adam's family and my own, and we are very grateful for this.

So far 3 is interesting....not that they change overnight...but man sometimes it feels like they do.

We love Charlie, love to celebrate him, and look forward to celebrating many  more birthdays with our families

One week down, 55 to go

My mom always joked that the day Charlie turned 3 he would turn into the sweetest, most agreeable little boy.

Not so much.

It is hard to judge the age three based off this past week since he has had a fever, horrible cough and runny nose for a full week now. We are hoping that these past 7 days are more of a reflection of him being tired and feeling sick, rather than a new phase he is entering.

This morning was rough. hell, actually. He woke up after 10 hours a complete wreck. I have decided that there is nothing worse than waking up to a grumpy kid. He would cry for me to hold him, then demand I make him pancakes.

He couldn't understand that there was no baking powder and therefore no pancakes.

I WANT WAFFLES, sorry bud that takes baking powder too.

How about french toast I say in my sweetest voice. He yells back a yeh but then once again demands I hold him. Rounding the corner comes the sweetest, most cheerful little girl. She proudly says GOOD MORNING (first time I have ever heard her say it) and it melts my heart. But my happiness turns quickly into frustration as Charlie pushes his sister aside and once again demands, no sucks, my energy away. Kate is on the floor crying, Charlie is screaming. 

What is a mom to do. Really. 

When I explained to my own mom how frustrated adam and I were this morning with our monster, I mean son, she calmly stated: You know Sarah in those moments you need to be at your best. Charie needs you more than ever when his little world is falling apart.

She is dead on. And how does one muster out the smile, and calm ways when what they want to do is scream.

LEAVE ME ALONE!

Adam tries to help but the kids don't want him, they want their mom. I can't, really I can't hold both kids while making french toast at the same time.

So I am left to think about it. Think about why in those situations when everyone is out of sorts, when everyone wakes up grumpy (except little kate) can't I just suck it up and give everyone what they need. Adam here is your coffee sweetheart, Charlie let me hold you with my right arm and make your french toast with my left. Kate lets read a book together on the couch while my go go gadget arm stretches into the kitchen to flip the french toast.

So yeh. 3 has been hard. When I run into other parents at the park they tell me 2 was easy but 3 was challenging. I hope that isn't the case for me.

I love Charlie's stubborn ways, his energy, his zest for life. I don't like the pushing and hitting, I don't like the yelling, crying, and screaming.

But I should add that this extreme behaviour is very new, as in the last week, and it is true that he has been sick, waking up at night coughing, and not eating as well as usual. And when I am sick I am cranky.

So note to self: this is my career. I will be paid in healthy, happy, wholesome children, and a family unit that wants to work together, play together, and be together. My job isn't always about playing at the park, playing soccer in the backyard, or walking along the beach. It must also be about holding your son when he is sick rather than making 24 cupcakes (sidenote...my cupcakes are the bomb), finding a way to make breakfast while holding one or two kids, showing Charlie love and understanding when all I want to do is run and hide.

For I am his sun. Adam and I are the center of his universe and our job is give him warmth, strength, and constant love so that he can grow. 

This is what I do. I mother, I cook, I clean, I play, I read, I change diapers, I get mad and forgive myself, I collect myself, I think before I talk, but mostly I love...my family, and also myself.

As I raise my half glass of wine (yes both kids are napping, this morning was hard, including showing up to a doc appointment 5 hours early and then having to cancel...so yes for the first time in a long time I am treating myself to a short glass of wine) to the next 55 weeks. I raise my glass to living and learning. 

Dear Charlie,

On your third birthday.

On your third birthday memories of your birth drifted in and out of my mind.

As soon as they brought you to my chest and I looked into your little sweet eyes, I knew you were special. They said you would have to be a c-section, but you fought for hours and hours to be born they way you wanted to be. You lifted your head only moments after being brought to my chest, and looked around as if to see if this was a place that you could get used to.

On your third birthday I thought about all those sweet moments where you slept on our chests. The first 8 weeks of your life you slept soundly on your dad's chest at night, huddled in a heap, as sweet and lovely as ever. Your perfect head, lips and deep blue eyes captivated everyone's hearts. 

You started laughing at just 8 weeks or so, and everything we did made you smile. Your smell, touch and even just the thought of you made us smile.

As you turn 3, I think about how far we have come as parents, how much you have taught us, and how much we have left to learn from each other.

On July 3rd, a secret tear escaped my eye while I thought about all the love and respect I have for you. Your dad and I were lucky enough to be able to spend your actual birthday together river rafting. It was our first day away from you ever, and you know what....All those quiet beautiful moments along the river, hiking to a small waterfall, and around a creek....what I thought about was you. I thought about your zest for life, your curiosity, your energy, sweetness, and your inner hunger to understand all that surrounds you. I imagined the questions you would ask about this and that, and thought of how I would best tackle your endless questions. It was a day away from you, but charlie not once did I stop thinking about you or feeling your presence.

Looking back over the years, I can't help but to  chuckle to myself as I think abou how you got around for months and months, your super fast crawl on two feet and two hands, and how you were just as mobile and fast as your walking friends.  I remember your love for tennis at the tender age of 1. How you would sit for 30 minutes at a time practicing your backhand and forehand with a toy for a racket and a ball. The way I would carry on with my things and would turn around to find you sitting in your book basket reading to yourself.

I reflect back to the 18-21 month Charlie. With so many signs, sound effects, and new words and phrases. The way you would create a sentence from a few words, a few signs, and a few sounds. Your amazing memory and how you would talk about things you saw days or weeks before, how you would re-enact things that happened to you.

I am amazed at how far you have come with your verbal skills, and smile as I see you explain feelings, thoughts in complete sentences...

As you turn three and enter another year, I've started looking forward as well...to you getting older and bigger, starting preschool, and perhaps soccer camp....to learning to ride your bike, and skateboard, and share toys with your sister.

When I think about you and your little life,  I think of your father. Knowing that we are a perfect pair and have done well to guide you through your first three years of life. I have no regrets from these first three years. You are strong-willed, determined, stubborn, and fiesty. And these are the exact qualities I want for you. There is no doubt in my mind that you will become your own person, a leader, not a follower.

You concern for all living things blows me away. How after seeing three wild boars dead on the side of the road weeks ago, you still come back to it daily. asking questions...making connections.

On your third birthday while in the tent cabin with your cousin Jackson and me I heard you tell such a sweet story from beginning to end: Once upon a time there was a dragon, a mean dragon that blew out fire. It burned down houses. BOOM BOOm BOOM (dragon walking) and then a happy boy came along. And he made the dragon happy. The end. (Turns out it is the same story your dad tells you at night) But still I am proud. I am proud at your ability at just three to tell a story that has a beginning, middle, and end. 

At the park and playgroup I hear you say things like, "When you are done, can I use it?" and 

"You can have a turn in 3 minutes." and I feel proud that the way we talk to you is translating into the way you talk to those around you. Sometimes. You have also begun to find power in your words and actions. You can say things like Pooper, and Poopy to get a laugh out of your friends and sister. You can yell at the top of your lungs, "Your a bad girl!" to make your sister cry. You can scream "mine" about a present that you just opened even though not one person in the room is challenging that fact that your birthday present is yours.

At times you drive me bonkers. You are a bundle of energy, spending most of your day exploring our backyard, strutting along the bluffs, racing butterflies at the park. And there are days and moments where you meltdown...where you don't understand why I won't let you have spoon fulls of  uga (sugar) for breakfast. And while I try to accept all your emotions and cuddle you through your moments of frustration, I too get frustrated.

You have taught me about frustration. You have taught me how to stay one step ahead of everything within my own mind. How to respond rather than react. How to communicate rather than give commands. How to look the other way for small infractions. How to fly like a happy dragon, play chase like I was 10 again, find the best hiding spots, find pleasure in shaping play dough, laugh uncontrollably at the smallest things. How to bite my tongue and not speak when I am angry. How to dance. How to bake. How to make food slowly and with love and patince. How to better parent your sister. How to love your father with as much dedication and daily excitement that you do. How to appreciate my family, my extended family, and everyone that is there to help me. In just three years you have helped transformed me. Having you and raising you thus far has interfered with things traveling, music, teaching.....but those are material things, and what you have shown me, experienced with me, and taught me....both directly and indirectly has helped me become the person, woman, mother, daughter, wife, and friend that I am.

So Charlie on your third birthday know this. Know that I love every single thing about you. And while it is difficult to have our daily experiences become memories, I know that this year will be wonderful too.

I love you.

Mom