Me

I can lie comfortably on my back at night. I can have a glass of wine or a nice cold beer. I can fit in most of my regular clothes. I am no longer moody, irritable, or super emotional. I still cry here and there, but for good reasons. like my mom being hospitalized.
Having three (for 11 days) has been grounding for me. I am not cooking dinner in the morning (or at all for that matter, and I have my extended family and great network of friends to thank for that). I am not rushing to the park, zoo, beach, on a walk, or anywhere every morning in attempt to get my kids outside and moving. I am thankful that my mother-in-law, parents, sister, brother, and Adam have taken the kids out for me. And I am enjoying all the time I am spending with them inside. I watch and listen to them play so creatively with their toys, I watch them "read", draw, play games....
I am not working all day Saturday, nor am I tutoring three to four afternoons a week. I am not having playdates for obvious reasons, and although we do miss our friends I like staying home.
I am grounded in my role as a mom. And I am happy.
My job is so simple right now. I nurse the baby, hold the baby, love the baby. And once every few hours I try to set him down so I can fix a snack for my kids, play a game hands free, or read books. But most of the time the baby wakes up once he is set down, and we all rush to him.
He is the middle ground for Kate and Charlie, who had been fighting more than playing together the past few months. They both adore him. I think seeing him so little makes them realize what they have in each other. They have a playmate in each other. And I am seeing more playing together than I have in a while.
We listen to music. We read books. We play games. We do art. And more often than not I am in the background. On the couch. Or the nursing chair. Rocking my precious boy. Watching my kids entertain themselves, without TV. And it makes me happy.
There have been times in the past two days where scrambling eggs with a baby who wants to nurse is challenging. Where the kids suddenly erupt into running around house yelling. But I am calm. And focused. I am back. not perfect. not even close. But so much better now that the baby is on the outside.
So far....and again it has not been long...but so far...I love having three. It feels like we are balanced or something. Complete. I can appreciate K and C better than ever. I see the stages they are in more clearly now than ever. I am savoring the feel of Alex, the smell. The way he is learning to focus. The noises he is making. The way his legs curl up on my lap. The way he is getting bigger everyday. And I am in awe of how just a few years ago Kate was the same way and now she is this big spunky, sweet, smart girl. It amazes me that almost 5 years ago Charlie was my newborn. It is as if having another baby has slowed time down.
Days are long. And I wouldn't want it any other way