Lately

What I want to blog about is:

Obama's speech and how it pretty much kicked ass. Will anything he said actually happen, who the hell knows? But seriously how can one argue with prolonging unemployment benefits and lowering cobra? How can one argue with taking the money that was lent to big banks and paid back and making it available to community banks who can then lend it to smaller businesses. He actually talked about domestic problems, what we need to do...there was no manipulation, wedge issues, fear-based talk. It was real. I will be the first to admit that not everything is peachy keen, that Obama himself is quite the politician. But who can argue with lower health care costs, and making health care available to everyone (including people with pre-existing conditions) and pretty much everything else he talks about...

I want to talk about education and how I am terrified (yes, I admit it) about sending charlie to school. About my son, a sweet, curious, delicate, intense, smart, and creative little soul sitting in a classroom for what...6 hours...focusing on reading, writing, and math, with very little time for studying the way the world works, natural life cycles, art, handwork like knitting, wax molding, sewing, physical movement. I want to talk about how I am looking into the possibility of starting a waldorf inspired public charter school. And how in past years I have had lofty dreams (being a native american rights lawyer) and have convinced myself I am not smart enough, talented enough, fortunate enough to achieve what I conceive. And how maybe, just maybe this time, with my background in teaching, my passion for a worldview that is drastically different that mainstream education, and my love of mothering, and the natural world...that maybe this time, this dream can come to fruition.

What I want to say is how unfair it is that the schools where I would send my kid in a heartbeat cost 12,000 a year.

And how I want a third kid but don't think it will happen.

And how sad I feel for the mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and children in Haiti, and for that matter around the world that have so much less than me, and are dealing with bigger things than education and politics, like life and death.

I want to talk about creativity, and how my whole life I thought I had none. Piano lessons. Failed. art lessons. Failed. Watching my sister and brother succeed at every art form they tackled, knowing that I had just not found my path, my hobby, my art. And then learning more about waldorf families and education...and how I taught myself how to needle felt, sew (hand-sew), knit, create. And although this may seem small and insignificant, it truly is huge for me and my kids.

I want to talk about the women in my life, the mothers in my life that I am growing closer and closer to everyday, and how they inspire me, and how I think about them and their daughters everyday.

I want to talk about Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. He is beautiful. inside and out. Tonight right before bed and after bath I witnessed a pretty cute thing. Kate (the troublemaker and spunkiest of them all) tried to climb over the side of the couch onto the roof of the fort that constantly occupies our living room, and Charlie grabbed her with all his strength and literally carried her from the living room and "threw" her on his bed, and the immense laughter that came from her little being. How a few days ago I walked into the playroom to put away a toy and Charlie stated, "Mommy, I don't want you in here" To which I said, "That's not very nice Charlie, I was just coming in here to tell you how I proud I was of you at the dentist today." And charlie responded with his little hand up in the air, "No Mommy. I REALLY love you. I just want to play alone right now."

There. I said it all. Took two glasses of wine and a quiet house, but now you know what is on my mind.