change

One of the hardest struggles I have had since becoming a mother happened in the first few months of Charlie's life. While he was growing inside of me I talked to many moms and read many books, mostly about sleep, routine, schedules. I had it all figured out before I even saw him. Yet when he came everything seemed to change. He didn't fit the mold that all these sleep-expert authors claimed each baby would. He didn't like to sleep on his back, he despised his bassinet and crib, and we quickly realized that he hated to sleep alone. I struggled with this at first, because I was very certain that my kids would NEVER sleep in my bed. No, they needed their own space, and to learn to fall asleep and self-soothe early on. However, when I put two and two together and realized that this would involve crying, I quickly realized that it wasn't my style.

Charlie spent the first 12 or so weeks asleep tummy down on Adam's chest. Then he graduated to the side of my body, in my armpit nook, where he peacefully slept/nursed/slept. He smelled like my body odor every morning, but we all felt like that was small price to pay for a good nights sleep.

I quickly grew to love co-sleeping. I fielded many strange looks, questions, and unwelcome comments, but also found many families who don't judge, and some who slept just like we did, with the family bed.

I laughed when I woke up with a foot in my face, kid drool on my cheek, or in the bottom corner of our bed, while one of both kids took up the remainder of our queen.

Not only did our kids sleep with us, but they fall asleep with us. We read, tell stories, tickle backs, and wait patiently for each kid to drift off. I can honestly say that for our children going to sleep has never been something they fight, rather it is something they welcome.

Strange comments, interesting recaps of days, and very silly songs have sprung to life as the sun was setting. And many of my most tender moments with the kids came as we were putting them to sleep.

Sure there were plenty of evenings where C or K would fall asleep only to wake up at the slightest creak from the door, plenty of nights where I would storm out of Charlie's room and claim I could not lie there another minute (after the previous 60), but those nights were few and far between.

The reason I write all of this is because 2 weeks ago we made a change, and Charlie has embraced it completely, making us so proud of him.

He started to fall asleep alone. Three books, one story, and a minute of back tickling and I leave. He gives me a kiss, curls into his blankets and when I turn back to give him one last smile he already has his eyes closed. Out like trout, at 7:15 night after night.

Not once has he asked to stay up later, not once has he exited his room in defiance.

It took 3 full years, but I am very proud to say that my son has a very healthy relationship with sleep.

I am sure Kate is right behind him in falling asleep alone, and once we get that underway, my hope is they will stay asleep all night in their own beds. everything in good time.....