Back to the Basics

I am on day 3 of the new me, which is really the old me. It is working and fingers crossed I can maintain this sense of calm and peace for days, weeks, months, and years to come. At 9:00 tonight after an incredibly long day. A day where Kate and Alex were with one great friend and then the next while I worked. A day where Charlie went to school then tennis then baseball and didn't land home until 12 hours after he left....Kate finally melted down at bedtime. I am proud to say I maintained my cool. I listened to her feelings of disappointment of not getting books. I validated her feelings. But I held my line. I snuggled her, sang to her, and assured her we will have time tomorrow to read. I didn't yell, grab, feel angry.
Because I am on day 3.
When my kids, mainly the two older ones, melt down.....I am instantly solidifying. I listen. I express concern and understanding. I lower my voice, increase touch. And guess what it works. I used to live this way. For years and years. I am not sure when I changed. Maybe when I had my third. or was it when charlie entered the flipping fours. Or was it when I started working again. Or was it when I lost my web of help from family. Who knows...but more often than not I dealt with stress by yelling and anger. And I am done. hopefully.
My job isn't to dominate. My intention isn't to rule the roost with an iron fist.
It is so much bigger and more important than that. My job is to love. to guide. to model. to be their rock, their sun, their source of unconditional love.

And it is working. Here I come day 4. The trick is I visualize what the triggers are. I act out situations in my head. I lower my voice, take time to respond, seize the quiet moments to explain what attitude, dialogue, and actions aren't ok. I lecture less. I do not threaten, bribe, or use anger or force. I model what I want to see. And its working. well for three days ;)