good ole winter fun

I have been tutoring quite a bit this past month. I am gone Monday thru Thursday for dinner, bath, and sometimes even bed. Lets just say Adam rocks. He feeds them, plays with them, bathes them, reads them stories, and puts them to sleep every Tuesday and Thursday. I actually "work" about 10 hours a week, and take so much pride in saying to the kids, "I have to go to work" as well as all the extra cash that is finally landing in our savings (it is all about the 60-40, right Amy?)

Just when I started crunching numbers and thinking about returning to teaching, students left and right came racing to me for help. I have even turned away a few students, because when push comes to shove, I really want to be the one home with my kids. And I must pause and say the only reason I can tutor as much as I do is because my parents are eager to watch, play, and entertain my children daily, and because Adam is such a playful, dedicated, and wonderful dad.

But this post wasn't supposed to be about how happy I am to A. have breaks in my long day, B. being working with students, teachers and families, or C. How the money is awesome, it is really about the days I don't tutor. The days I have to just enjoy my kids.

Two days ago with a break in the weather and a few patches of blue skies, we did the unthinkable (well, for us) We headed out for a nature walk at 11:30. Lunch time and naptime. We headed out and didn't worry about who got hungry, where Kate would pee, or how wet we got. We didn't worry about which trail would take us home faster, or if the rain would pour on us in the middle of the walk like last time. We just peacefully marched around, found the biggest puddles of our lives, searched for treasures like clumps of mossy grossness, watched Hawks, spotted Blewits (an edible mushroom), peed on trails when the time arose, raced around without a care in the world. Honestly I can say it was the first nature walk without one second of frustration on anyone's part.

I risked hungry tired kids far from home, and didn't care. I risked missing Adam coming home from lunch and helping get Kate down for a nap, and I didn't care. I risked Kate pooping in her underwear like she loves to do, or having a pee accident without a spare pair of pants. And didn't care.

And it all worked out. 1 hour and 45 minutes of peace, adventure, and fun.

It is so good to tutor, but on the days where I can frolick with the kids all day long, it is so good too.

loving all of you

I love all of you. Everything about you. Everything you are and will be. I love the tender moments of kisses and hugs, and the fierce moments, and the funny moments. I love you when you help your sister when she falls down and I love you when you knock her down from time to time. I love the way you recall moments and memories from over a year ago. And the way you have a questions about every part of your day. I love the way you share your things with perfect strangers at the park, genuinely care about people when they seem hurt, stop in the middle of playing to run over and bombard me with love, and I love the way your pure happiness can change to rage in one moment's time for no other reason than that is what you want to do. Because that is what people do. They love the entire person.

And you. I love your wispy hair, your goofy smile, and your incredibly verbal mind. I love the way you speak your mind, bite when you are mad, and hug and kiss all day long. I love the way you sing in the car, when falling asleep and throughout the day. I love the way you speak your mind to everyone and hope that you will always question authority and give your two cents. I love to hear you say, "Charwee" I love the way you love your grandparents and talk a mile a minute to those closest to you, yet are shy around those you don't know as well. I love the way you ask about Lea and Sierra daily. I love all of you. The fiesty, fiery, spunky, brat. And the sweet, innocent, curious cat.

Because that is what people should do. They should love, accept, support, and understand the entire person.

And you, I am sorry that you at such a young tender age you had to experience that not ALL people will love ALL of you. maybe you don't make those connections yet. But one day you will, and hopefully that will not stop you from loving and accepting every part of who you are, including the parts you wish to change.

Your hard moments, hard days, hard phases make me appreciate you as a whole complex being, with emotions, struggles, successes, questions, fears, and excitement for all things.

When you go through these harder moments the easiest path is to accept them and love you that much more, so that you know that I love all of you, and that you are safe to be WHO YOU ARE with me.

And it is not just you two that I love this way. It is all the children in my life. Family, friends, students I work with. It is our responsibility as adults to be your advocate, your mentor, your friend, and your support. Unconditional love, right?

If everyone loved and accepted and supported all children this way, wouldn't the world be a better place?

Conversations with a 3 year old

While taking a bath last night:

Charlie: Mommy, who bought this house?

Me: Mama and Pa did, a long time ago

Pause

Charlie: Like, from a really big store?

Me: (laughing) no, from the bank.

Charlie: From a bank? (looking surprised)

Tonight while lying in bed:

Charlie: Mommy, when you are in the kitchen and I am in the playroom, do you still love me

Me: Charlie, I love you no matter where you are, anywhere in the world

Charlie: Even if I am on top of the world and you are just in Half Moon Bay, you still love me?

Me: Yes

Charlie: What if I am on the roof, do you still love me

Me: I would be scared but of course I would love you. no matter where you are or what you do, I will ALWAYS love you.

Charlie: I can build a big slide from the roof and slide down. I old enough for that?

Me: No, daddy isn't even old enough for that.

Charlie: Oh

10 minutes later I thought he was asleep and was just about to sneak out of the room.

Charlie:You know mommy, some people don't have fridges

Me: Some people don't have what (couldn't understand the word fridges, wasn't expecting it)

Charlie: You know fridges to keep things cold, some people don't have them

Me: Yes, that is true. some people don't even have houses.

Charlie : (looking very shocked and sad) Why?

Me: Some people don't have the money to have a house

Charlie: I can share my house with them. If Chloe ( a friend of his) doesn't have a house, I can just share mine

Me: Chloe has a house Charlie, it is so nice that you would share your house.

Last night in the bath:

Me: Charlie how old is Uncle Josh

Charlie: 34

Me: How old am I?

Charlie: 31

Me: How old is little Kate?

Charlie: 2

Me: How old is pa? ( I was thinking he would say something like yixty yix

Charlie: Older than the hills ( I have never heard him say this, turns out my mom taught him)

A few weeks ago:

Me: Charlie, how old do you think you will be before you are ready to sleep alone?

Charlie: um.....31, then I will have my own wife to sleep with.

Me: Hmm, interesting. shouldn't daddy get to sleep with his wife?

Charlie: No

I hear a lot of moms complain about 3 year olds. Yes, they are so much more opinionated, verbal, stubborn. But I love the conversations, the thought, the sensitivity, the natural feelings that flow from my 3 year old. Are the unpredictable meltdowns challenging? Yes. The determination draining? Yes. Can I control him? No. Can I make him do anything? No. But most the time I don't mind. I like his independence, I like hearing him think about the world outloud. I enjoy teaching him about animals and even more learning about animals from him. And the conversations, I adore them.

Thank you Charlie for being you.

The sun is shining

And our kids have been outside all day. Well, except for lunch and nap. First a nature walk that quickly ended when both kids fell into huge mud puddles at the same time. Then, a bike ride to the park..which is also exciting and exhausting during the Saturday morning rush of parents eager to play with their kids. And now while Kate is napping soundly, I hear Charlie and Adam racing around the backyard drilling holes in barrels for potatoes, planting veggies, laughing, working hard. When the sun shines after what feels like months of cold and rainy days, everyone wakes up with a smile on their face.

But what about those rainy, cold, windy days? Are the wet clothes, cold bodies, and at times hard moments worth getting our kids outside? I believe so. Yesterday I took Kate to Kaiser for a check up and read that we as parents should be giving our kids at least an hour of time outside a day. An hour? That seems like so little. Charlie needs at least 3 to feel complete. He is like a puppy when we hit the bluffs, he makes a b-line for only god knows where and runs until he can barely hear you and races back. Just like Lilly did 6 years ago.We are lucky to not live on the East Coast, to not have to battle crazy snow storms and freezing weather. We are also lucky not to live where it is so damn hot and humid that you can only go out when the sun is not. And we are fortunate enough to have a backyard, live by a park, and next to the ocean and miles of bluffs.

We try as much as possible to follow a waldorf-inspired rhythm in our home, best described as an in-out breath type pattern to your day. It helps provide structure that the child can predict, prevents any sort of boredom (on parents or child's part), and helps chip away at long days for stay at home parents. Basically the idea is to plan or do something more active/outside for a chunk of time, followed up by something more mellow (perhaps inside). I find that when I plan two "outs" in a row is when C has a meltdown, because his body is too tired to react successfully to challenging feelings. For example, nursery school is most certainly an "out" activity. Why I thought it would be fun to pick him up after 2.5 hours of exhaustive play and then bring him to the park for more stimulation, is beyond me. And so he freaked out. Lesson learned. He would have been much better off with a healthy lunch and some art time, or quiet play in the playroom.

And our Friday Field trip days are back. It is the only day where I don't tutor, the kids don't have swim class, nursery school, playgroup. And so I go to bed Thursday night excited, excited to spend the entire day with my two sweethearts. Last week we went to the discovery museum:

and I watched the kids play together so nicely:

we hula-hooped in the rain together...

enjoyed nuts, dried fruit and leftover pasta together...

and with two toddlers getting older, I got to sit down a lot and just observe GREAT creative play...much better than nursing a babe, or chasing a 2 year old who won't listen.

The Friday before we went to the SF zoo for the first time in almost a year. And I had an amazing day. Despite the fact that the animal's homes are sad and depressing for the most part, it is a perfect place to see my little animals free. There was almost no one there, and we ran around happily for nearly 4 hours. We saw the smallest baby gorilla doing somersaults, playing dress-up, and being silly. We saw the young giraffe up close, gay penguins that were raising a young penguin together as a couple for 6 months, and fed the goats way too much food.

Charlie is very protective of Kate when we are out and about, as shown in this pic. He took his job of keeping her on this bear way too seriously.

Here is my two year old big girl learning to ride her balance bike. Although hmb doesn't have many seasonal changes, we are excited about spring, about the days being longer, a bit warmer, about gardening, and about more and more time outside.

Happy Birthday sweetest

Let's be honest here folks. Vacations, especially snow-based ones are challenging with small children. Days feel extra long without toys, playgroups, swim class, nursery schools, warm backyards, parks. Getting Kate dressed was no easy feat, especially for a girl who is potty learning and has no interest in diapers or clothes for that matter. And each time we wanted to venture outside, one of us (mainly Adam) had to battle Kate. If left up to her she would have gone outside with her snowboots and underwear.

But with each trip to Tahoe I realize more and more that vacations with young children are not about us (the adults) it is all about the kids....

Vacations with kids are about making memories....

about seeing this smile....

And Adam's scared face...

It is about watching your kids play so happily and enjoying each other's company, even if they are running up and down dangerous stairs, jumping off of beds, and climbing to the top of couches.

Vacations with young kids are about the little things.

Before having kids Adam and I travelled a lot. Everyday was a new place, sometimes even a new country, with new people, music, food, and environments. A trip to Tahoe in the snow meant snowboarding all day, going out to eat at night. It meant bowling, the movies, reading books...and relaxing.

Tahoe trips with kids means none of those things. It means listening to controlled (or at times uncontrolled) chaos ALL.DAY.LONG. It means getting everyone dressed takes 30 minutes. It means waking up at 6 and going strong for 13 hours. It means long car rides filled with singing, and at times tears. But like I said to Adam on day 3, this isn't about us. It is about the kids and the memories we make with and for them.

And it was so worth it.