Waking up early

This is just a quick one. no videos, no pics, no witty words, just a quick statement. For those of you who have been with me since the beginning, do you remember how I used to get up with Charlie every morning at something like 5:18, like on the dot. And how I probably complained about it, but then like most things adjusted and began enjoying the mornings with charlie. Well, like everything, it changed and soon he was sleeping in, till 630-700 and I thought we had made major progress. I thought wow, that took two years but now he sleeps in until at least 6. well it wasn't because he got older I have come to realize, it is because the time was changing, arent times always changing? Bob D had that right!

So, now with the time change he is once again an early riser, but this time it is more like 4:45 or this morning 4:20......that number used to represent something happy, now it represents the start time to my day. that bites. That is more than two hours before the sun is up, almost 5 hours before mama is ready for Charlie, 3 hours before pa comes upstairs to make coffee, and 8 hours before nap time. 

So here I am 11:24 and I have done more than many do in a whole day. And I am ready for bed. like nighttime bed.

This is what I have done:

listen to my son read book after book with my head under the covers trying to close my eyes

went back and forth from the kitchen to his bed with milk and snacks,

cleaned the kitchen

Made coffee for me and adam, and breakfast for the whole famdamily

Went to a kickass step class, 60 minutes of pure cardio

Packed up a van full of baby clothes and gadgits to take to my bf jackie for her new baby girl

Changed a few poopies and sets of clothes.

nursed a few times

made and ate lunch.

thought about dinner enough to bust out the cookbook and strategize as to how I am going to make dinner with the kids and swim class tonight.

negotiated with charlie as to when naptime will be.

carried a sleeping baby on my back

and now about to make charlie his second lunch.

Isnt that enough for a day, ahh but there are 8 more hours left.....

good to be the mama!

The Ways in which you rock

you rock because:

1. you get up at  7 every morning to hang out and help out with kids, sure i have been up since 5, but you dont go to work until 830, so you really dont need to be up playing trains with your son, holding your daughter in your lap at 7 so I can take a shower or race to the store.

2. the way you come home at 5 every day to help out. it is the double shift for fathers, work hard all day to provide, work even more to raise your children/

3. how you help bathe and put charlie to sleep.

4. while we are on topic of charlie and sleep, you rock because you never once have said, lets let him cry it out. you have known that it is our job to guide him into sleep, and now at over 2 years he asks to go to sleep, loves to nap, and has learned that sleep is a safe and wondrous thing.

5. The way you crawl into your sons bed when he calls for you at 2-3 in the am, and sleep the last 2 hours of his night cuddled up with him

6. because you became a vegetarian a year ago

7. because you make me laugh, love me, and put up with my more cranky moments

8. because you are playful, funny, and have the same dreams I do for raising a family and moving through life.

9. because you love my family and treat them as if they are your family.

10. because you love all people and want nothing more than peace and justice for our world.

11. because you are always on the just side of politics.

12. because you are you with all of your zest for life, excitement for nature, and love for your children.

13. Most importantly because you are supportive of me spending some dough to work out!

LOVE YOU MAN!

Where have you been my women!

It has been a long flipping time since I have seen my girls. 

Kate, Amy, Ellie, Leah, Christine, Julie....to name a few.

I feel as if I am in my own little world here, amongst generations above me and generations below. Not much access to my generation except for a playdate here and a playdate there where I am following Charlie like a hawl to make sure he is being the kind, gentle soul i know him to mostly be, or comforting kate who can go from being the happiest baby you have ever seen to crying uncontrollably if a new face enters the scene.

Shift. Parenting. There are philosophies out there and the wonderful thing is we get to pick and choose the one that works for us. And then we go out and interact with other parents, other philosophies, and other children. And it makes for some damn good food for thought.

He doesn't eat meat, what does he eat?

Did you put him in time-out when he did that?

Does he sleep through the night?

No, he doesn't eat meat. He eats waffles, pancakes, eggs, toast with cc or pb, fruit, yogurt, any fruit, just about every vegetable, beans, rice, tofu, any soup, bread.......

Never gave him a timeout a day in my life. Does he get consequences, of course, natural and logical. You hit the baby, you can't play by her. You turn the light switch on and off over and over, I will have to sit with you far away from it, or hold you. You scream and cry because I take away a spray bottle full of a cleaning agent. I will get down on your level and talk to you about it name your feelings, and hold you close until the tears stop. 

I find that more often than not when charlie is acting crazy and acting up it is because he is tired or hungry, or I am ignoring him to cook, clean, or blog and that he just needs some redirection and attention. AND. I. NEED. SLEEP. to be the parent I want to be.

I am grateful that the women I spend some time with who have children are all wonderful parents, gentle parents, dedicating this part of their life to their children.

I still sometimes feel the need to explain myself. I am not wishy-washy, I do not want my child to run around like a wild child doing whatever he pleases, but I do want my child to run around, explore, express, and find out for himself what hurts and what doesn't. 

Am I ok with him hitting his best friend in the head twice with a nerf baseball bat, NEVER. 

Back to women:

I miss you guys. I miss my sister to no end. And sometimes it almost feels easier to just shut them out a little for a while. Because conversations that really go into what I am doing/feeling are impossible. The baby will wake up, Charlie will pick up the baby, Charlie will want to eat (AGAIN, THIS KID EATS ALL DAY) and so conversations are so hard. Almost easier to wait until you come home. (KATE, last night with both kids asleep, baby in crib, glass of wine in hand, I adored talking to you for the first time in what felt like months. talking with no one around, no baby hanging off my breast, child off my leg) but the baby woke up after only 40 minutes in the crib, so those uninterrupted times are so few and far between).

So, I long for the day when amy comes back and we can crack open a bottle of white wine and just talk, when I can go away for a weekend with my constant companions and chat with my teaching friends, when my dear sister comes home and I can share my life with hers, even if for just a moment in time.

Because women...you make me who I am and what I am, and I love and miss you all dreadfully!

baby kate

She changes everyday, yet always seems the same. The happiness that seeps out of every ounce of her being grounds me daily. Her deep roars as she watches her brother do the silliest things. The way she will be sound asleep but as soon as she hears her father's voice, the same voice she has been listening since before she was born, she lifts her sleepy head and sets free the biggest grin.

The way she laughs, coos, and fake coughs to get my mom's attention when we go downstairs. The way she braves the hardwood floors to creep and crawl into any and every room to find out where the party is at, her legs, knees and shins bruised....

The way she reaches for every toy that is unsafe: probably full of lead, made in china, cheap, plastic, with small chokable pieces (how these always manage to find their way into our house, I don't know). The way she has no interest in the expensive made in US wooden toys I bent over backwards to buy for her brother.

The stubbornness nestled deep within her being, surely my genetic traits passed along.

The way she cries when someone she doesn't know tries to hold her.

The way at 9 months (today ) she still can't or won't go more than an hour without her mommy.

The way she sleeps on my back for her morning nap, and then sleeps cuddled up to my arm for her afternoon nap.

The way she grasps for little bits of whatever it is we are eating.

The way her sweet little lips move when she is discovering something.

The way her hands glide across my belly and grasps at my breasts as she nurses.

The way she nurses, and nurses, and nurses....

The way I feel about my daughter, my second born. The friendship and deepest form of love and respect that I already feel for this child. This unexpected child.

The way her father looks at her, smiles at her, holds her and plays with her.

Slow down kate, your moving too fast. I am not ready for you to be 1. 

You know your a parent of a toddler when...

1. You stop walking to watch a leaf blower, and your son isn't even with you.

2. You get so excited when you see things like a cement mixer, and shout at the top of your lungs, "Look Charlie, a cement mixer" and then feel slightly embarrassed by all those that stopped beside you to look as well.

3. You feel so proud of yourself for having a full, busy, and productive day as you head down the street to the meet a friend at the beach, and then when you get down to the sand you realize, hmm it is 5, getting dark, incredibly cold and windy, and my kids have no sweatshirts or socks, no water, no diapers, no snacks..and you realize the exhaustion and chaos is almost too much to bare.

4. You hear things all day long like: OH MY JOSH, THATS RIGHT BABY!, I DO THAT, NO DADDY, 

5. You wonder where your newly mobile baby is only to find her crouched under the dining room chair eating little bits of paper, old cheerios, and dried up oatmeal...and you think to yourself: Oh I guess she is finally ready for some solids.

6. You find yourself saying all day long, oh honey the baby doesn't need to be vacummed up, we don't sweep the floor by belting the dog with the broom, close your mouth when you kiss the baby, can you take your hand out of the top of my shirt, and no honey...only the baby gets nursies, yes i know i have two boobies but they are both for the baby.

7. you laugh hysterically as your son raises the roof, and does the craziest dance moves that vaguely resemble your own fantastic dance moves you displayed during your college years.

8. You can sit and play in the playroom for over an hour, making the same few animals out of play dough.

the moment of truth..hopefully

i couldnt sleep last night, and even here tucked underneath a blanket next to my most precious sleeping daughter I still can't sleep. My soul, every inch of it is ready, ever so ready to be truly proud of my country and americans in general (the majority of them at least). My soul is ready to look forward, is ready to leap into the future. 

I wait nervously though. never underestimate the corruption that plagues the neo-conservatives. The karl roves that stole the past two elections. Ahh but this may be a landslide, so big of a win that even horrible crimes of election fraud could not swing this vote right one more time.

I feel even a little bit sorry for all of those people out there that voted for the other ticket. In their hearts they probably don't even like McCain (he is liberal conservative) and don't believe Palin has the experience. Is it that they aren't ready for a BLACK president? Or are they so programmed every step of the way that they can't think outside the box enough to put partisan politics aside and truly vote in their best interest. It isn't my business, and as much as my heart goes out to those who didn't vote for obama, a small sassy part of me says, HA it is our turn.

I hope.

I really hope that this is a fair election, that tonight surrounded by the people i love the most,  I can do my obama dance. That I can look at my children as I am putting them to sleep tonight and think....your future may not be as bleak as I originally thought. Maybe your mom will get good health care soon that is affordable. Maybe our public schools will get the funds they need to be better. Maybe your mom will get a fair salary when she returns to teaching. Maybe we will all see these two unjust wars end, and that that money will be spent on helping rather than killing families. Maybe Kate and Charlie, polar bears won't go extinct in your lifetime, maybe the world will once again learn to trust the US and we can all work together to fight global warming.

Won't it be nice? To trust your government? To believe your president when he speaks? To hear your president complete a sentence?

And if for some unknown reason we loose tonight I will wipe away my bucket of tears and look around and be thankful for all the people out there that came together and worked hard for this day..even if it didn't turn out the way we hoped it would.

and as for california, I pray to the universe that prop 8 doesn't pass. I pray that when people go to the polls today they will remember our constitution, remember separation of church and state. I hope that people will realize that love is love is love, and marriage and the institution of marriage, the commitment and stability it creates is good for all of society. And if it does pass I will hold my head up high and look forward to a day when all forms of love are accepted, encouraged, and celebrated. For it was not too long ago that people didn't want women to vote, didn't wantAfrican-Americans to vote, didn't want interracial marriages.....and I believe that homophobia is the next huge hurdle to overcome.

So tonight, if love surpasses fear, if acceptance overcomes hate, if "change" beats "more of the same" I hope you will raise a glass with me. To Love!