compromise

Isn't that what parenting is all about

My newfound love of the ocean, and all it brings us.

As a kid I spent many afternoons and weekends at the beach with Jackie. We boggie boarded, skim-boarded, dug holes, went swimming while singing AC/DC, and spent many evenings there while in high school.

As an adult I spent years avoiding the ocean. Something about it being cold, foggy, windy, sandy seemed unappealing to me. And the one time I did take the kids to the ocean over a year ago, Kate sprinted for the water and ended up going in and under just as I raced up to her and grabbed her.

But in the past few months I have revisited the beach once again. And I am so in love with it. It doesn't matter if it is sunny and clear or foggy and cold. I feel refreshed, reenergized, and a little bit better prepared to face the chaotic lifestyle of two active kids.

And the seaglass. Two close coastside friends taught me the wonders of searching for seaglass. It is meditative and therapeutic.

The past two mornings at the crack of dawn I have walked up and down the coast during the minus tide finding little gems and loving the peacefulness of it all.

We are so fortunate to live in such a beautiful place where we can enjoy the natural world around year round.

We play at the beach with our friends.

This morning I woke Charlie up at 6:00 am and together we spent 2 hours collecting perfect little pieces during a minus tide, although at first Charlie was cold, tired, and hungry, he perked right up and gathered his own collection of rocks and seaglass.

It was peaceful and empty all morning.

Often times when Charlie is at nursery school Kate and I head to the beach.

I loved the beach as a kid and I am happy to pass that on to my kids.

When we are at home we

bake yummy lemon-cranberry scones while kate naps...

we spend hours reading everyday

We build castles together....

We paint faces, dress up and play crazy super hero games...

Or we act out mean pirate-boy stories

but even scary pirates love their pirate princess little sisters.

And after we have baked, build, dressed-up, read...we head outside....

so we can pretend to be caterpillars

and climb trees

This ones for you Amy

You say it was a roast. But I think you were caught up in the moment. Now I admire, love, and look up to many women in my life, but I rarely say the things I said to you on your wedding day. I think perhaps you forgot about the meaningful things I said...possibly due to some of the roasting I did in the first half of the toast.

And for everyone else....I hesitate to post this. But know this. Know that I grew and birthed two babies in 19 months, and this wedding took place just a few months after having Kate. And it is dry in davis. And windy. And fine, curly hair doesn't like dry, windy weather...which is why we must stay put in HMB, I look much better.

Oh, and I detest speaking in front of groups. I get nervous. I get a lump in my throat. And my mind goes faster than my mouth, if you can believe it.

So here it is Amy. When I watched it a few days ago it brought back wonderful moments. It made me think about how lucky I am to have found "my julia"

conversations with kids

One of my favorite parts of parenting is the hilarious conversations.
Here are a few from lately:

Scene: Laying in between kids last night as they fell asleep. The room is dark (thanks to the blackout fabric my friend gave us- after all it is 7 hours before darkness sets in) and the kids are almost asleep. Charlie goes under the covers, something he often does to fall asleep and suddenly says:

C: "Mommy, quick look, look now."

Me: "ahhhh at what?" Of course my mind is racing, what can be so important under the covers.

C: My legs. There is more hairs on my legs, I really AM growing up.

Scene: Yesterday afternoon. We were sitting on the couch reading all the library books we just check out. In one book a few animals came to the door and a little boy answered. Charlie turned to me.

C: Mommy would you be scared if a T-rex knocked on our door.

Me: Uh, yeh. I would

C: I would save you Mommy, I would.

Kate: (just waking up from nap, out of it and not totally following the conversation) No I would.

C: We could both save mommy from a t-rex at the door.

K: (suddenly looking terrified and pissed) NO

C:YES

K: No

This went on for a minute or two, yelling inches from each other yes, no, yes, no. Meanwhile my dad comes upstairs to do something in the kitchen. I wonder what he must be thinking as I sit back and let my kids have a screaming match. But really what can I do. Charlie wants to save me. Kate wants to save me, Charlie suggests they save me together, and she doesn't like the idea.

Finally it dawns on me that she is more mad than scared.

K: NOOOOOO, I too scared.

Scene: Today after getting back from our day at the pool in palo alto, the kids found the cookies I bought at the store, which I usually hide. They each got two, and Charlie was finishing up his last one.

C: Are there more, or is this it.

Me: (Once again lying) Oh that is all we had. Don't tell Daddy, you know he loves cookies, he will be sad to know they are all gone.

C: I am going to save this cookie for when daddy comes home.

Me: Ahh Charlie that is so sweet.

C: And then when he gets home, I am going to show him what I have and eat it all up in front of him.

Me: Oh....

Scene: Charlie has been compromised. He has strayed from gnome-fairy-forest play, and has found spiderman, ironman, and "bad guys" I, of course, am heart-broken yet healing, and learning to accept him for who he is.....a boy who loves "bad guys"

Me: Charlie sing me that new song you were singing at nursery school.

Char: skinny ma-dinky dinky dee, skinny ma dinky doo....I LOVE...BAD GUYS...

Me: Aren't you supposed to say, I LOVE YOU!

Charlie: I do Love you. And I Love bad guys. But I never ever ever want a bad guy to kill you mommy.

Me: Oh thanks, that makes it better.

Scene: Driving home today after spending hours in the nice hot sun poolside. We are driving on 280 coming up to 92, where our wonderful bank of fog awaits us as usual.

Charlie: Look mommy, it is winter over there.

Me: No, Charlie that is hmb.

If I could freeze time and have Kate and Charlie be this age forever I would. Do I love the moments where I am trying to make dinner and they are jumping off furniture onto piles of pillows? Not so much. But my heart melts when I ask charlie to stop doing something potentially dangerous and he looks up at me with his gorgeous smile and says NO. How can I be made at him?

And can I really get mad at Kate, little Kate, who might turn to me in front of people I am getting to know or complete strangers and say, "YOU ARE BAD, MOMMY"

I would freeze time if I could, so that Charlie would always crawl into my laps at 4 everyday to read piles upon piles of books.

I would freeze time if I could so that Kate would always want to rest her cheek on mine. I know all of her freckles. Really I do. The splattering of them across her nose and cheeks, the tiny patch that makes a triangle on her forehead. Her perfect little lips, whispy curls, sassy strut.

my little fish

from August 2009

I have been swimming in different pools with my favorite little fish, remembering how much I loved water and swim team while growing up, and feeling proud to watch my children move in the same direction.

I have been camping, loving the smell of the outside world, enjoying watching my children make instantaneous friends with complete strangers, sipping beers by the campfire for hours after the kids collapse in exhaustion.

I have been spending time with my siblings and parents at various birthday parties and gatherings and am constantly reminded at how they are all my closest friends.

I have been building friendships with amazing women on the coast.

I have been searching for sea glass and failing practically every attempt. I am learning about tides, rock washes, new beaches, and the beauty in small objects.

I am practicing patience, quiet voices, and trying to calm throughout the day.

I have been watching my son day in and day out. His mannerisms, expressions, amazing smiles, conversations with his buddies, the games he creates, the questions he asks. He melts my heart every.single.day.

I have been watching Kate dance, make silly faces, develop a wonderful sense of humor, and love everyone around her.

I am waiting to welcome my friends' babies that will all be born this fall.

I have been soaking up the sun when it makes an appearance in hmb, and equally enjoying the cooler foggy days.

I am creating things with my hands, heart, and head, something I never knew possible.

I am lowering my expectations (of everyone), letting go of painful things, trying hard not to assume, judge, or jump to conclusions.

I am trying to talk less, talk slower, and use a filter more when around people who may not love me unconditionally.

I am enjoying each day as it comes.

I am watching the moon wax and wane, and focusing on one area of my life with each new cycle.

I am watching our garden grow, and smiling while the kids eat an entire lettuce plant straight from the earth.

I am almost always either playing, thinking, reading, creating, talking, listening, observing, and above all just being.

So, if you are not sure where I am or what I am doing...if you try to call and I don't answer...I may be sneaking up to Mendocino, or down to Monterey, kids in tow, trying to find the best glass beach in Ca.

Today I am grateful for...

1. Feeling like my normal positive, energetic and happy self after two weeks of feeling down, tired, and sick.

2. Sunny days spent at the park with friends.

3. Focusing hours of my day building castles, playing board games, and doing art with the kids.

4. Our family dinner last night celebrating my dad's birthday, and the open, honest, discussion that we shared.

5. New Leaf, and all the local, organic, seasonal, and yummy food we are fortunate enough to live by.