Jiggety Jig

Whenever my mom is out and about (which isn't often) she texts me: jiggety jig once she is home. She also texts me a "I am awake" text every single morning. Well, yesterday around 1 was the best "Jiggety Jig" text I have ever had.
After 8 long days. 8 days filled with fear, strength, tears, and the great unknown...my mom came home. Our fight is far from over. We need her to get stronger, her body to absorb iron, her asthma to get under control, her immune system to be able to fight off the common cold that tries to take her down. But she is home.
And I wanted to take the time this morning to truly thank all of my family and friends for calling, emailing, texting, and just checking in with me daily. You know your mom is a special woman when I get at least 5 calls a day asking for an update. It gave me a sense of strength to know that I have women that stretch across generations starting at 4 years old and going all the way to 60 who love me and my mom and take the time to show me they care.
Kate, my daughter was perhaps the biggest help. She could spot sadness in my eyes and would stop playing and give me a long and much needed hug. I reached out to a friend who recently lost her mom and we connected. I answered my phone every time it rung (nothing short of a miracle) and it felt good to explain what was going on....share my fears and hopes.
And of course Adam was there the whole time.
I bet hundreds of texts went back and forth between my siblings. Sharing good Hgb test scores, being there for each other when the numbers dropped. Explaining blood transfusions, sharing how mom seemed....it is vital to have my siblings and dad in times where I am not texting/calling my mom.
See...I get texts each morning as soon as she wakes...we share how our nights were. I tell her funny or frustrating stories. Throughout the day I call and text....sometimes to complain, but mostly to share in the delight of my children.
And it was a long 8 days without those texts. So thanks to my friends, siblings and dad for filling in the void this past week.
And here's to hoping 2013 is not filled with as many trips to the hospital via ambulance, nor long stays in the hospital with unknown medical issues.
Here's to hoping it is full of strength and health.

It is with a heavy heart and watery eyes that I open my computer. It also amazes me the degree of pain, fear, and love one little being can feel. From the time I was younger than Kate I knew that this life was too much for me. I knew that the degree of love I felt for those around me was unreal. I remember sitting in a rocking chair sobbing alone at the realization that because my parents were older than me they most likely would die before me. Now 30 years later this thought haunts me and brings me more sadness than you can imagine. Whether it happens tomorrow or in 50 more years the pain feels so real and so raw and so deep it is hard to function.
I am not sure if there is a human on this earth than knows and loves me like my mom does. My dad too. I have watched my mom struggle and survive, struggle and survive for years. Her medical issues seem to get more and more complicated with each season each year. How can someone so incredible strong emotionally be so weak physically. Most people in her situation would be bitter, negative, and hard to be around. My mother embodies everything you would ever want in a mother, wife, friend. She checks in with me daily about my life, and the happenings of my children. Her world is made up of her children and grandchildren. She is funny, smart, genuine, giving, accepting and truly lights up the room. She has this wonderful gift of being able to truly listen, advise, and accept everything around her. Everyday I strive to grow stronger, kinder, and a better woman so that when the time comes I will be able to step into her role as the matriarch of this family unit we are so incredibly lucky to have. I am not there. Not even close.
I need her. Charlie needs her. You would not believe the relationship they share. I have honestly seen nothing like it. In his darkest moments and happiest moments his first thought is his "mama". He has called her to calm down amidst fights with us, and writes endless pictures and notes to her. She is his biggest fan...hands down. Every time she gets sick I see something change in him. And my already scared and weakened spirit can hardly take the look in his eyes when he asks, "Does mama have to die?"
My mother is the strongest person I have ever met, and no doubt will be the strongest person I will ever know. She will pull through this illness like she has time and time again. I know she will. She will teach us how to be strong, cherish what matters, and make the most of our health. She will continue to teach us how to speak our minds, accept our challenges, and love ourselves through our most challenging times. She will continue to teach me how to love my children through their harder times, she will continue to listen to my five million emotions daily.
And each time she struggles. Every race to the hospital. Each time I can hardly talk to her on the phone because her voice is so weak....each time I will be filled with more sorrow that should be allowed. At the fear. I am so strong. My body can lift weights, run, spin, dance...my bones are strong. My lungs are strong. My immune system healthy. I wish I could give my health to her. Because she needs it. And I need her to have it.
I believe she can get there. She has the drive, the family, the friends, the motivation to become healthier. I am constantly in awe of the love she shares with my dad. The love all of us share between each other. The way us siblings love and support each other. The way my dad cares for her through everything. The way she finds the strength, time, and energy to send me messages asking about me and my kids...when she is fighting for her life.
I love you mom....and once again I miss you.
Come home soon. My heart can only stand so much before I find it hard to get through my days.

Group Camping

Growing up  camped all the time with my family. I loved every single thing about it. The card playing, hiking, swimming, sleeping together in a tent, late nights around the fire pit, and fun meals together. In college I started backpacking in college and truly found my favorite form of camping. Adam and I did a lot of backpacking pre-kid and even took Charlie on a backpacking trip when I was pregnant with Kate. Once Kate was born we started camping each summer. The kids loved it as did I. Adam seem less than convinced that camping with a young family was fun. My good friend Tanya said time and time again, "Camping with a group is way different and better than camping with just your kids." So with some convincing I managed to get Adam onboard with not one but TWO group camping trips this past summer/fall. And we all loved every minute of each trip. These pictures are of a two night camping trip to Calaveras Big Trees. We went with something like 7-8 families and at one point I believe there were 18-19 kids running around in a pack....the way life should be.

The fire pit was huge and awesome. It was a gathering point for breakfast, dinner, and post dinner fun!

 Two of my great friends Tanja and Debbie

 This is a good picture of what time around the campsite looked like. The women chatting, some people  played music on and off, and the kids ran around free.

The boys were in stick heaven...and surprisingly no one got hurt.

Kate had her best friend in the whole wide world. These two frolicked around in their own magical world.

 Alex did amazingly well the whole time. Played wonderfully, followed around the big kids, slept great, and was cheerful every minute

 Most of the kids...

How sweet...

We had a great group hike through Calaveras Big Trees which involved lots of climbing!

 One of our few family pictures of the whole crew

 Alex in absolute heaven in the water

 Charlie was wonderful the whole weekend. He had just cut his leg and so was the only kid/adult that couldn't go swimming. He truly made the best of it never once complaining or feeling sorry for himself. 

 Kate was one of the only kids that swam across this entire lake and back without any floating devices. And she definitely enjoying water playing time with both Richard and as you can see here with Adam.

Adam spending time with his baby boy.

One of the million things I love about camping is the endless opportunities to just be with your children. No phones, work, distractions....just lots of time for conversations and cuddles.

Morning hellos amongst friends.

 She may love pink and at times play with dolls but there is nothing girly girl about this camper. She spent most of her time running with the boys, finding critters and playing in the dirt.

All in all a great place for a large group to camp. We had the whole place, including an area to cook and bathrooms and showers to ourselves... well we shared with bees.

 And a 5 minute drive away we had this small, safe, and clean lake to play in.

A few days ago Kate was recovering from a 24 hour fever and we sat and read book after book together. After we exhausted our favorite stack of children's books we moved onto the few family books we have made. Kate enjoyed the blog book the most. I printed the first year of my blog which included over 100 pages of writing and pictures. It was so incredibly fun to read things I wrote 4 years ago. I was so inspired that I went ahead and put together my second year of blogging into a book and should get that in the mail in the next few weeks. And it reminded me that I need to keep writing. Not only so my 5 followers can actually know what is going on in my life but so I have a written account of the ups and downs of mothering and life.
So it has been three months I believe since my last post. I currently don't have a camera (wow, adam that would be a great xmas present for your amazing wife!) and therefore rely on iphone pictures to capture my moments. I am hardly on our family computer these days since I wait until post bedtime and get on my work computer nightly. But here goes. I will try to post weekly so in 4 years when alex is sick and reading family blog books on the couch with me he doesn't look up to me with his sweet brown eyes and say, "Mommy, why did't you write about me?"

So let's start with Alex. He is 18 months and just bursting with awesomeness. Really. He is a perfect combination of Kate and Charlie. He is focused, sporty and smart like Charlie, and full of life, silliness, dance moves, and a calm demeanor like Kate. He adores us all. He walks around saying Love you Mommy, Love you Dardee and Date. He ran up to me last week and said, "snuggle you mommy". He talks up a storm. The past month he has been putting 3 and 4 words together: Play spy Kate Please. Spies is a wonderful game that Charlie made up that all three kids play together daily. I love it. Charlie and Kate hide somewhere and alex looks everywhere to find them. When he finds them they shriek and race to another spot as Alex screams in delight after them. When Charlie walks in from school Alex smiles big and says: spies?
Charlie adores his Pa too. My dad spends 5 hours every Wednesday fully focused on Alex. They practice soccer, tennis, build with blocks, play puzzles, and do art. One Wednesday alex hurt his little finger and my dad gave him love and a bandaid. Now every time anyone of us gets hurt Alex says, PA!
Last night Alex had his first swim lesson. We were going to wait until he was closer to 3 but recently we went to my friend Debbie's house and Alex went nuts in the hot tub. He was so excited that Adam agreed to sign him up. The lesson was fantastic. Alex was kicking his feet, smiling and laughing the whole time and let us dunk him a few times.

A few of his favorite things...pumpkins.

Three days a week he is at Charlie's tennis lessons. He usually runs into his biggest fan Devin and they end up playing chase and tennis together. If Devin isn't there I get my workout by chasing him off the courts and out of the street while every mother says how adorable he is.....sure super cute when he isn't yours to chase around.

The days of Alex happily sitting in my ergo or stroller are far over. He loves to ride his tricycle, follow the big kids around, and say hi to the goats. We are closer and closer to him being able to follow outside rules about safety but not there yet.

And he takes eating very seriously. He eats almost everything we feed him and since he eats all day long we try to keep it whole foods. He eats lots of fruit, soups,  and nuts!

A few nights ago we got the kids to bed and were in the living room chatting. Most likely I was working, Adam was probably watching some surf contents and we were sharing a bottle of wine. We paused what we were doing and talked about how much change we have experience in just the last 15 months.

We bought a brand new family car, something I never imagined we would do. I love our little Mazda 5. We all fit comfortably and my last tank of gas got 27 miles a gallon. And I love how little it is. I know most people love big cars, but not me. Oh and we bought a new house...something I also never thought would happen on the coast.

 I went from tutoring and teaching 4/5 grade on Saturdays to working as an Education Specialist with Ocean Grove Charter School. I work "full-time" yet 75% percent of my work is done from home from the computer, a totally new concept for me. I spent a lot of my energy all day with my kids, Charlie's class, our friends, sports and activities so I am happy that work is something I do alone....with an adult beverage close by and Adam right next to me. Here is my little office in a corner of the playroom. It actually works quite well because there are days where I need to work during the day and the kids play along side me.

 And perhaps the craziest change is we have a bunch of kids. I wouldn't have it any other way, really. They are beautiful and full of life and I am on a lifelong journey to learn patience, acceptance, humor in hard moments, and finding the joy in small things. But damn....we made a lot a babies in just 5 years of marriage.

 So we have a house...a mortgage...a new car....I have a new job that requires more time that I have to give, and we have another baby......but what I have learned is that no matter what needs to be cleaned, cooked, paid, done....there is always, ALWAYS time to enjoy the small thrills in life....like a spontaneous dance party, a small family gathering, a quick walk around the block, a night out with friends, a few jumps on a trampoline, a nice morning at the beach, a serious giggle session with your kids......because in the end I will never look back and say: I wish I kept my house cleaner, worked more during the day, or did laundry faster.....but I will say I am happy I cherished the small moments throughout my day. And I am not sure that I would have known this had I not had these kids to teach me.

Alex turned 1....3 months ago

Alex turned one May 15th. I don't think I blogged about it. We had a casual family party at our house. Sadly my mom has had a rough go of things for the past 6 months and wasn't able to attend. Josh, Bethany, Kate, Evan, Adam's parents and nonnie Doreen all came for some outside play, dinner, and cupcakes. We had a great night.

 Alex was not quite walking when he turned 1. I think within a few weeks from his party he started his zombie walk. We spent hours outside our house on the street playing everyday. We play catch, hockey, baseball, kickball, soccer, basketball, and ride bikes. It seemed very normal that we would start our evening all outside.

Of course Aunt Kate went right to Alex. She has an incredible bond with each of my children but there is something very special about the way she loves Alex. Perhaps she feels a certain closeness since they are both third kids...

 So close to walking.....

 Charlie was in heaven. He is sporting his soccer shorts with his wet suit rash guard and ready for some street soccer.

 Naturally Kate was thrilled to have her grandma and great grandma to snuggle and read fancy nancy with.

We got Alex a water table for his birthday. Three kids and six years and this is my first water table. I love it. All three kids (and neighborhood kids) play with this all the time. Mud, leaves, water you name it....

 I made a seitan pot pie from scratch, a yummy kale salad and vegan cupcakes that were delish!

Alex enjoyed a chocolate cupcake in the loving arms of his daddy. 

We all are smitten by Alex. He came to us so incredibly happy. He is silly, loving, and smart. Although he can be frustrating lately since he is always talking, eating, and wanting to go outside....he melts my heart.

Grateful

I am grateful that our family has friends to hug and friends to share the wonders of life with. I am fortunate that I have wonderful friends whom I deeply care about. I can't imagine a better circle of friends for myself or my children. I am grateful that I can ask these friends to help watch either Kate or Charlie for an afternoon (or 3 days) and that not only will they do it but they will do it with love. And I am grateful that I can do the same for their children. It takes a village and I love my.

I am grateful we have mornings like these. Where the sun shines and we get to enjoy our breakfast and coffee together. Blissful mornings and evenings with all 5 of us may be few and far between but when we have them....when everyone is in a good mood and laughter fills our house I feel grateful.

I am grateful for Kate. She is a constant reminder what pure joy and raw emotions really look like when they are not covered up. She is so silly and real and loving yet strong-willed. She is a delight to be with until she is not, and even then I adore her.

And I am grateful for the relationship that Adam and I have foster and watched grow. I truly love him. We make each other laugh, support each other in times of stress, and perhaps most importantly right now in our busy lives we do our best to be selfless yet aware of what we need to stay balance, happy and healthy.

I am grateful that my sister and brother are such huge parts of my kids lives. My brother has watched Kate and Charlie weekly while I work, and my sister drops everything when she has a free moment to garden, play hide in seek, and just be present with my kids. I am also grateful that the grandparents help so often, but I don't have a picture to go with it :)

I will forever be in awe of the big brother Charlie has become. He loves Alex more than I could have ever imagined. He plays with him, cares for him, teaches him things, and their bond is incredible. Charlie also spent most of his summer playing so nicely with Kate. Nothing brings me more happiness than this.

And I am grateful that Alex is growing and developing so well. He has over 40 words and is starting to put two words together. He is signing less due to increased language but I am hitting the signs hard again because I think it is a mistake to stop signing once they start talking. He still can't say all that he thinks and feels but at 15 months he is at the perfect age to sign his emotions.

And I am grateful that Charlie has a great tennis community. He loves playing with his friends and he has two of the best coaches, plus a dad who will drop everything to hit balls with his son