if my kids get better i promise i will never...

complain about mothering two again. 

This must be kharma, because I have had a harder time being the fun-loving, patient, creative, active mother that I aim to be lately. I have been tired, distracted, and even thinking about part-time work, anywhere....anywhere but home. I found myself rolling my eyes, sighing constantly, making sure those around me that love me best know that this mothering shit is hard. and then the kids got sick. and then i got sick. and for almost two weeks now I have been in this fog. This oh dear if I only had my two healthy mostly happy and independent kids back I would be the happiest, most patient mother around.

Instead I have this:

A sick baby who will only sleep sitting up (ear infection?), who throws up most of the golden mothers milk she drinks down, whose eyes look so sad and droopy it hurts to look at her

A toddler who clingy, crying, and only wants mommy.

A messy house.

An empty fridge.

In a way this is a great way to end the year.  Being the rather positive person that I am I try to find that silver lining in everything and here is what I got this time around:

Stop complaining sarah. you have a wonderful husband who is an amazing father. your two year old is sweet, curious, independent, and fun to be around. your daughter is beautiful, happy, usually healthy, and is like your little soulmate. your house is great....except the toys, junk and clothes thrown about everywhere, and your kitchen-should you choose to re-enter it in the near future to make, bake, and cook food, is gorgeous. you live by the park and beach. your siblings are your best friends and play an active roll in your childrens' lives, and your parents...just downstairs help in every little way they can, everyday.

so.....as we recover from this two week fever/vomiting/cough and loads of snot.....I plan to really bite into each wonderful aspect of my life, to chew up the parts that are hard and to enjoy each moment i have with these wonderful children.

so...if my kids get better I promise I will never complain about mothering again..

at least for a few weeks!

What Charlie really wants for Christmas...

A new bike?.....

Some sweet wooden animal toys?

Some more plan vehicles?

Nahhh

How About:

...unlimited access to knifes and sharp objects..

...freedom to flush the toilet countless times a day, and perhaps stick his hands in there in the process

...a free pass to knocking over his sister during a game of football

...full access to mommy's lip to stroke, grab, poke, and hold all day for comfort

...to sleep directly on mommy's chest all night.

...for daddy to take him to play tennis all day long.

...rides on daddy's lap in the truck

....real hammers, tape measures, screw drivers, and electric drills

..all the neighbors real and toy lawn mowers

....a real skateboard, helmet, and ramp

....to be able to grab toys and objects directly out of books and play

...as much chocolate as he can fit in his mouth.

like father like son

Not so little Kate..

is ten months today and such a little person. She melts the hearts of all that see her. Her smile is contagious and her demeanor so sweet.

She is..

just under 20 pounds

pulling herself into standing left and right

getting into squatting positions and standing without holding on to anything

eating everything we do just in smaller sizes

babbling

signing milk and starting to sign more

cruising along furniture

sleeping like a true berkowitz, (which means not so well)

we love her deeply and can't believe she is almost a year already

A few things I am thankful for.....

Thanksgiving is always a hard holiday for me. As a Native American Studies major I learned a lot about indigenous history and culture and the myths that plague American history in regards to indigenous people. Years ago before kids I made the trip to Alcatraz Island to watch the Native ceremony that takes place there on Thanksgiving day. Watching the sunrise and all the people come together to acknowledge, remember, heal, and celebrate was amazing. The Thanksgiving story that must of us were taught in our classrooms is nothing more than a myth. The truth is much harder to stomach. All out genocide, forced relocation, boarding schools, missions, adapting, and survival is the real story.So...while I love to get together, play softball, eat my tofurkey, I also like to reflect on American history and the struggles the people before us have had.Of course I also like to focus on whatI am thankful for. This year I have a lot to be thankful for. Here is a short list, and a few pics:

1. My mom continues to fight through her health issues. I am thankful for the possibilty that this will be resolved and better days are ahead for her.

2. Josh has reconnected with an old friend...Here is a pic of them around the age they were friends...something like 25 years ago...

.

3. Kate has come home safely from her travels and is settling down (for now) in Santa Cruz.

4. We get to live in a beautiful, open, and inviting space for very little rent (thanks mom and dad)

5. I am thankful that my children get to enjoy the presence of mama and pa daily and that

 mama and pa equally enjoy this time spent with their grandchildren.

7. I am thankful for Charlie's free spirit and undying quest for

 adventure...

 

 and Kate's charming, silly, and always happy personality...

6. Lastly but not leastly I am incredibly thankful that I get to raise my two healthy, happy, and beautiful children with a devoted, funny, and compassionate husband in a gorgeous and peaceful community

Waking up early

This is just a quick one. no videos, no pics, no witty words, just a quick statement. For those of you who have been with me since the beginning, do you remember how I used to get up with Charlie every morning at something like 5:18, like on the dot. And how I probably complained about it, but then like most things adjusted and began enjoying the mornings with charlie. Well, like everything, it changed and soon he was sleeping in, till 630-700 and I thought we had made major progress. I thought wow, that took two years but now he sleeps in until at least 6. well it wasn't because he got older I have come to realize, it is because the time was changing, arent times always changing? Bob D had that right!

So, now with the time change he is once again an early riser, but this time it is more like 4:45 or this morning 4:20......that number used to represent something happy, now it represents the start time to my day. that bites. That is more than two hours before the sun is up, almost 5 hours before mama is ready for Charlie, 3 hours before pa comes upstairs to make coffee, and 8 hours before nap time. 

So here I am 11:24 and I have done more than many do in a whole day. And I am ready for bed. like nighttime bed.

This is what I have done:

listen to my son read book after book with my head under the covers trying to close my eyes

went back and forth from the kitchen to his bed with milk and snacks,

cleaned the kitchen

Made coffee for me and adam, and breakfast for the whole famdamily

Went to a kickass step class, 60 minutes of pure cardio

Packed up a van full of baby clothes and gadgits to take to my bf jackie for her new baby girl

Changed a few poopies and sets of clothes.

nursed a few times

made and ate lunch.

thought about dinner enough to bust out the cookbook and strategize as to how I am going to make dinner with the kids and swim class tonight.

negotiated with charlie as to when naptime will be.

carried a sleeping baby on my back

and now about to make charlie his second lunch.

Isnt that enough for a day, ahh but there are 8 more hours left.....

good to be the mama!

The Ways in which you rock

you rock because:

1. you get up at  7 every morning to hang out and help out with kids, sure i have been up since 5, but you dont go to work until 830, so you really dont need to be up playing trains with your son, holding your daughter in your lap at 7 so I can take a shower or race to the store.

2. the way you come home at 5 every day to help out. it is the double shift for fathers, work hard all day to provide, work even more to raise your children/

3. how you help bathe and put charlie to sleep.

4. while we are on topic of charlie and sleep, you rock because you never once have said, lets let him cry it out. you have known that it is our job to guide him into sleep, and now at over 2 years he asks to go to sleep, loves to nap, and has learned that sleep is a safe and wondrous thing.

5. The way you crawl into your sons bed when he calls for you at 2-3 in the am, and sleep the last 2 hours of his night cuddled up with him

6. because you became a vegetarian a year ago

7. because you make me laugh, love me, and put up with my more cranky moments

8. because you are playful, funny, and have the same dreams I do for raising a family and moving through life.

9. because you love my family and treat them as if they are your family.

10. because you love all people and want nothing more than peace and justice for our world.

11. because you are always on the just side of politics.

12. because you are you with all of your zest for life, excitement for nature, and love for your children.

13. Most importantly because you are supportive of me spending some dough to work out!

LOVE YOU MAN!

Where have you been my women!

It has been a long flipping time since I have seen my girls. 

Kate, Amy, Ellie, Leah, Christine, Julie....to name a few.

I feel as if I am in my own little world here, amongst generations above me and generations below. Not much access to my generation except for a playdate here and a playdate there where I am following Charlie like a hawl to make sure he is being the kind, gentle soul i know him to mostly be, or comforting kate who can go from being the happiest baby you have ever seen to crying uncontrollably if a new face enters the scene.

Shift. Parenting. There are philosophies out there and the wonderful thing is we get to pick and choose the one that works for us. And then we go out and interact with other parents, other philosophies, and other children. And it makes for some damn good food for thought.

He doesn't eat meat, what does he eat?

Did you put him in time-out when he did that?

Does he sleep through the night?

No, he doesn't eat meat. He eats waffles, pancakes, eggs, toast with cc or pb, fruit, yogurt, any fruit, just about every vegetable, beans, rice, tofu, any soup, bread.......

Never gave him a timeout a day in my life. Does he get consequences, of course, natural and logical. You hit the baby, you can't play by her. You turn the light switch on and off over and over, I will have to sit with you far away from it, or hold you. You scream and cry because I take away a spray bottle full of a cleaning agent. I will get down on your level and talk to you about it name your feelings, and hold you close until the tears stop. 

I find that more often than not when charlie is acting crazy and acting up it is because he is tired or hungry, or I am ignoring him to cook, clean, or blog and that he just needs some redirection and attention. AND. I. NEED. SLEEP. to be the parent I want to be.

I am grateful that the women I spend some time with who have children are all wonderful parents, gentle parents, dedicating this part of their life to their children.

I still sometimes feel the need to explain myself. I am not wishy-washy, I do not want my child to run around like a wild child doing whatever he pleases, but I do want my child to run around, explore, express, and find out for himself what hurts and what doesn't. 

Am I ok with him hitting his best friend in the head twice with a nerf baseball bat, NEVER. 

Back to women:

I miss you guys. I miss my sister to no end. And sometimes it almost feels easier to just shut them out a little for a while. Because conversations that really go into what I am doing/feeling are impossible. The baby will wake up, Charlie will pick up the baby, Charlie will want to eat (AGAIN, THIS KID EATS ALL DAY) and so conversations are so hard. Almost easier to wait until you come home. (KATE, last night with both kids asleep, baby in crib, glass of wine in hand, I adored talking to you for the first time in what felt like months. talking with no one around, no baby hanging off my breast, child off my leg) but the baby woke up after only 40 minutes in the crib, so those uninterrupted times are so few and far between).

So, I long for the day when amy comes back and we can crack open a bottle of white wine and just talk, when I can go away for a weekend with my constant companions and chat with my teaching friends, when my dear sister comes home and I can share my life with hers, even if for just a moment in time.

Because women...you make me who I am and what I am, and I love and miss you all dreadfully!

baby kate

She changes everyday, yet always seems the same. The happiness that seeps out of every ounce of her being grounds me daily. Her deep roars as she watches her brother do the silliest things. The way she will be sound asleep but as soon as she hears her father's voice, the same voice she has been listening since before she was born, she lifts her sleepy head and sets free the biggest grin.

The way she laughs, coos, and fake coughs to get my mom's attention when we go downstairs. The way she braves the hardwood floors to creep and crawl into any and every room to find out where the party is at, her legs, knees and shins bruised....

The way she reaches for every toy that is unsafe: probably full of lead, made in china, cheap, plastic, with small chokable pieces (how these always manage to find their way into our house, I don't know). The way she has no interest in the expensive made in US wooden toys I bent over backwards to buy for her brother.

The stubbornness nestled deep within her being, surely my genetic traits passed along.

The way she cries when someone she doesn't know tries to hold her.

The way at 9 months (today ) she still can't or won't go more than an hour without her mommy.

The way she sleeps on my back for her morning nap, and then sleeps cuddled up to my arm for her afternoon nap.

The way she grasps for little bits of whatever it is we are eating.

The way her sweet little lips move when she is discovering something.

The way her hands glide across my belly and grasps at my breasts as she nurses.

The way she nurses, and nurses, and nurses....

The way I feel about my daughter, my second born. The friendship and deepest form of love and respect that I already feel for this child. This unexpected child.

The way her father looks at her, smiles at her, holds her and plays with her.

Slow down kate, your moving too fast. I am not ready for you to be 1. 

You know your a parent of a toddler when...

1. You stop walking to watch a leaf blower, and your son isn't even with you.

2. You get so excited when you see things like a cement mixer, and shout at the top of your lungs, "Look Charlie, a cement mixer" and then feel slightly embarrassed by all those that stopped beside you to look as well.

3. You feel so proud of yourself for having a full, busy, and productive day as you head down the street to the meet a friend at the beach, and then when you get down to the sand you realize, hmm it is 5, getting dark, incredibly cold and windy, and my kids have no sweatshirts or socks, no water, no diapers, no snacks..and you realize the exhaustion and chaos is almost too much to bare.

4. You hear things all day long like: OH MY JOSH, THATS RIGHT BABY!, I DO THAT, NO DADDY, 

5. You wonder where your newly mobile baby is only to find her crouched under the dining room chair eating little bits of paper, old cheerios, and dried up oatmeal...and you think to yourself: Oh I guess she is finally ready for some solids.

6. You find yourself saying all day long, oh honey the baby doesn't need to be vacummed up, we don't sweep the floor by belting the dog with the broom, close your mouth when you kiss the baby, can you take your hand out of the top of my shirt, and no honey...only the baby gets nursies, yes i know i have two boobies but they are both for the baby.

7. you laugh hysterically as your son raises the roof, and does the craziest dance moves that vaguely resemble your own fantastic dance moves you displayed during your college years.

8. You can sit and play in the playroom for over an hour, making the same few animals out of play dough.

the moment of truth..hopefully

i couldnt sleep last night, and even here tucked underneath a blanket next to my most precious sleeping daughter I still can't sleep. My soul, every inch of it is ready, ever so ready to be truly proud of my country and americans in general (the majority of them at least). My soul is ready to look forward, is ready to leap into the future. 

I wait nervously though. never underestimate the corruption that plagues the neo-conservatives. The karl roves that stole the past two elections. Ahh but this may be a landslide, so big of a win that even horrible crimes of election fraud could not swing this vote right one more time.

I feel even a little bit sorry for all of those people out there that voted for the other ticket. In their hearts they probably don't even like McCain (he is liberal conservative) and don't believe Palin has the experience. Is it that they aren't ready for a BLACK president? Or are they so programmed every step of the way that they can't think outside the box enough to put partisan politics aside and truly vote in their best interest. It isn't my business, and as much as my heart goes out to those who didn't vote for obama, a small sassy part of me says, HA it is our turn.

I hope.

I really hope that this is a fair election, that tonight surrounded by the people i love the most,  I can do my obama dance. That I can look at my children as I am putting them to sleep tonight and think....your future may not be as bleak as I originally thought. Maybe your mom will get good health care soon that is affordable. Maybe our public schools will get the funds they need to be better. Maybe your mom will get a fair salary when she returns to teaching. Maybe we will all see these two unjust wars end, and that that money will be spent on helping rather than killing families. Maybe Kate and Charlie, polar bears won't go extinct in your lifetime, maybe the world will once again learn to trust the US and we can all work together to fight global warming.

Won't it be nice? To trust your government? To believe your president when he speaks? To hear your president complete a sentence?

And if for some unknown reason we loose tonight I will wipe away my bucket of tears and look around and be thankful for all the people out there that came together and worked hard for this day..even if it didn't turn out the way we hoped it would.

and as for california, I pray to the universe that prop 8 doesn't pass. I pray that when people go to the polls today they will remember our constitution, remember separation of church and state. I hope that people will realize that love is love is love, and marriage and the institution of marriage, the commitment and stability it creates is good for all of society. And if it does pass I will hold my head up high and look forward to a day when all forms of love are accepted, encouraged, and celebrated. For it was not too long ago that people didn't want women to vote, didn't wantAfrican-Americans to vote, didn't want interracial marriages.....and I believe that homophobia is the next huge hurdle to overcome.

So tonight, if love surpasses fear, if acceptance overcomes hate, if "change" beats "more of the same" I hope you will raise a glass with me. To Love!

my son

Charlie update.

He has spunk. So much spunk. He struts around our house like he owns it, and he does. He wakes up before it is light outside and races to the gate at the top of the stairs separating my parents place from ours. Morning Mama, Morning Pa, he shouts. I quickly follow him baby hanging off of one arm and whisper, charlie mama and pa are still sleeping, it is 5:50, still nighttime.

He shrugs his shoulder and races next to the window where he looks left, looks right. As the sun rises he tells me whether Brad (the man across the street who painted our house recently) is coming or going. He notifies me when the "Sun up" if  "Kids playing" or "Kids playing, No!"

He taps gentle, or sometimes not so gently, on that same window when he sees Pa come home from work (Pa is retired but works a night or two a week, graveyard shift). Charlie has it in his head that only daddy works in this household of 4 adults and so even though we practice saying, "Morning Pa, How was work" It always comes out "Daddy work!"

As the day wears on, just about when all of you are probably starting to roll out of bed and get your first cup of jo, my son hears noises downstairs which mean mama and pa are finally stirring (I mean we have been playing for over 2 hours). 

"Morning Pa, How was your night?" Charlie yells....when asked the same question he says...ahhh right.

My son, the one who loves animals, and is fascinated that mama and pa eat them, so much that if he knows it is happening he stops everything he is doing and jumps onto my mother's lap and gets real close to her plate so that he can "watch with EYES" at what she is eating. Occasionally he says things like MOOOOO and OINK, trying to figure out if the meat on their plate will act like the animal it used to be.

My son, the one who today when I got back from working out ran upstairs and with a twinkle in his eye, said, "Mommy missing you!"

My son, the one who every time I remind him to eat at the table, gently reminds me that "Mommy walk coffee" so shouldn't he be able to walk with food...love that spunk.

My son, who now finishes my sentence, me:charlie i love you......and charlie gets a big grin and says, "sooooo much!"

I had one hard day with my son lately and thought it was over, all the wonderful moments, funny moments, thought that they were long gone. But it was just day, and now we are back to our most magical relationship built on love, support, humor, and fun adventures. Charlie I love you....sooooo much!

Three years down..

My dad reminded me this morning that it is  October 28th, and therefore our wedding anniversay. Three years? Is that all, but we have lived in 4 different places, moved 5 times, and have 2 kids, shouldn't that be in more than 3 years. Oh, but what a fun three years it has been, really. And I am truly lucky to have such a wonderful partner. Adam is compassionate, intelligent, progressive, fun, loving, and very dedicated to his work, wife,  and children.

who would have thought we would get two kids as cute as these in just 3 years of marriage

look at how awesome my hubby is, look at the mo mo he got his son, the way he plays in the backyard daily...all while carrying a  beer, doesn't get much better than this

6 years together

5 moves

4 countries traveled to

3 years married

2 kids

1 dog

0 regrets

love you adam!

a little bit of me

Right now in this very moment I feel good. I have a glass of wine beside me, dinner made, charlie playing in the backyard with adam, and kate crawling all around entertaining herself. Right now in this very moment I can take a deep breath and think to myself, yes I can do this. We will all continue to grow and learn about each other and learn how to live in the most harmonious way. We will keeping getting older and things will get easier, right? Because right now in this very moment I am thinking two kids close together is some hard shit. some real hard shit!

I like to view myself as a playful, compassionate, and skilled mother. And I am sure I still am. But damn charlie has been hard the past few days, and damn I have felt more exhausted, frustrated, and drained than i have in a while. 

like, how nice would a night away with girls be. lots of good food, wine, giggles, maybe a facial or a massage, a full nights sleep, a morning spent sleeping in (and by this I mean later than 630). A night of chatting it up with ellie, jackie, amy, dawn....or my new mommy friends that are so fun...I can name so many women I would love to talk about anything and everything with.

Adam says soon he will be ready to have both kids overnight, maybe in spring...and soon I will be ready to be away from my daughter for more than an hour at a time, this I am sure of.

what is hard for me:

Charlie turning the light on and off on and off about a gizillion times, with my dad somewhat worried about his new light switch ...

charlie banging our nice chair over and over again into the freshly painted wall

Charlie hitting his sister (knock on wood, he hasn't hit her for 3 days)

CHarlie running around like a mad man screaming in pure joy

feeling like anytime i take a moment away from parenting, to...say...do the dishes or make food, I feel an anxious feeling like.....omg what is charlie doing in that room, and what toy is the baby sucking on, no not that crappy plastic toy from  china....

not having the time to exercise, journal, paint, read, or talk on the phone to friends.

not having my sister, my soulmate here to coach me along the way

What is wonderful lately:

The hope that mom will start to improve and that maybe we can figure out what is going on and fix it.

My brother and how close we continue to grow as we support each other through every little thing.

Having my parents a hop, skip and jump away ready to lend a helping hand whenever I need it.

the way charlie says, morning pa, how was your night, and then answers that same question by saying, ahhhh alright!

The way he wants to visit and play with mamma (grandma) three times a day.

the way adam understands my need for alone time and takes charlie on a long bike ride.

the kitchen, oh the kitchen, how i love thee

the relationship i have with my daughter, her wonderful smile that is beaming all day long, her laugh at any and every thing, the way she looks at me with her dark beautiful blue eyes, and the way she loves her brother.

the way charlie turns the beat up loud on his keyboard and rocks out like there is no tomorrow with his door shut and no one looking.

Last week was hands down the hardest week of my life. We have watched my mom fight and struggle through 6 months of being sick, hospitalized twice, on oxygen, and struggling to get better. We have sat at home through countless appointments wondering/worrying/waiting to hear what it is this time, why obstacle will she have to face. When he got that news that a test 5 years ago showed mild pulminary hypertension, we were crushed.

I cried for 2 days straight. 2 days straight. during the day, in the middle of the night, as i fell asleep, and when i first woke up. I had the heaviest heart, tired stinging eyes, and the weight of the world on my shoulders. Playful parenting with patience proved impossible. 

I could dive deep into my emotions and lay it all out here. Tell you everything I felt and feared for 6 days, but maybe I will save that for another day.

What is important is that the condition hasn't progressed in 5 years, we couldn't have asked for more positive news, and every moment I feel a little more at ease, a little more sure that my mother won't be leaving anytime soon.

you must have that person in your life. The one you trust with every thing. The one you tell everything too, and without exception, the person who always responds the way they should, who believes in you, your children, your relationships with those you love. The one who tells you straight up, your are a great mother, friend, daughter. 

The one whom without you seriously question your ability to go.

I felt as if my whole existence/happiness is contingent on my mother being here to guide me along the way.

And so I want to start this blog by saying I am incredibly happy to have my mom here. and while I am still emotionally scarred by the possiblity of not having her here, I am trying to live in this moment.

So much has happened this past week and a half. Kate is mobile, Charlie is as adorable as ever, and I am so full of emotions, thoughts, and experiences that it has been overwhelming

one comforting thought during my week of hell was all the mother type figures in my life who showed up in that one week to offer love, support, and comfort. Julie, 2 debbies, penny, thank you for reaching out to me and to my mom. and to my friends who ran to my side...

and of course my family and adam for the hugs, giving me the time and space to be so deeply sad.

taking a break

A big thanks to all of you who have read my blogs along the way. It has been a source of inspiration and creativity for me. It is fun for me to look back at different posts and think of the emotion/experience/adventure that became the post.

For now I am taking a break. Some emotions and feelings are better kept in one's mind, heart, and soul. 

big kate...oh where or where has my sister gone?

Her strawberry blond hair bounces off her back as she rolls and dances around with c, both bursting into uncontrollable laughter.

Her deep breaths and utter concentration as she goes into a sun salutation and downward dog poses right besides my big boy.

DOME FALL DOWN

ZZZZ, NO AUNT NA

We miss her. C seems to get it, the way she flies into our lives one sunny day, twirls us around and then once again is off to her next place.

So where is she? Digging her deep healing hands into the earth, I am sure. Learning about the cycle of food, water, and the life that surrounds and nourishes us.

Laughing, eating, contemplating life with her dear friend m.

And we wait. Having our own adventures, laughing our own laughs. Looking forward to the day when big kate comes back into our lives. Knowing that when she returns she brings with her new experiences, new wisdom, and new tricks to teach c.

and her first sign appears

just now while standing in my new kitchen baby kate showed me her first sign, as clear as day. She was hungry and in my ergo, I was at the computer thinking ok baby give me one last second to finish reading this article. Then she reached her adorable arm through the ergo and straight towards my face and opened and closed her fist (the milk sign, an easy first sign for babies) as clear as clear can be.

let the signing begin! we want to know what you think about the world around you, little kate!

It's a new me....

So today we move in offiicially. we have been both homeless and with a home for the past 5 days. We moved out of our house (thanks to Adam's parents and Glenn and Megan) but the floors were not yet finished at my parents', so we moved all of our furniture into their backyard, hoping for that sunny Oct. weather we are sometimes lucky enough to have.

4 adults, 2 children, 1 dog, lots of crap, and no kitchen in one small living area turned out to be pretty darn fun. We laughed together, watched political TV, and generally enjoyed each other's company. Pretty impressive considering my dad's back is incredibly painful, my mom is still having difficulty breathing, charlie had a high fever and Kate has been pretty clingy. But as always we made the best of it, and once again I am incredibly thankful for my parents. They have been tolerant and accepting of dirty diapers left on their floors, empty seltzers and glasses of wine left on their furniture, their garage filled to the brim with our crap, leaving the tiniest space for both of my parents to get outside. They have been ok with my clothes strung along the couch, the childrens' toys laid across the floor, and the already small laundry room turned kitchen overcome with our crap.

I have slept on a couch with a baby, shared a double with adam and two sick kids, and eaten out more than I have in the past 5 years. Now I am ready for:

THIS BEAUTIFUL KITCHEN AND ALL THE COOKING AND BAKING THAT COMES ALONG WITH IT

TO SET UP OUR STUFF AND WATCH MY CHILDREN PLAY ON OUR GORGEOUS NEW FLOORS

TO HAVE A PLAY ROOM AND A BEDROOM FOR THE KIDS

HAVE CHARLIE NAPPING IN A QUIET ROOM, AND MAYBE THE BABY TOO (she has been napping on my back which is cozy and nice but my back has been hurting lately)

START ART PROJECTS WITH CHARLIE

TRULY GO THROUGH OUR CRAP AND GET RID OF WHAT WE ABSOLUTELY DONT NEED

So I feel as if I have come into my own, and this is even after waking up with 2 kid ready to play at 5 in the am. 

THe final straw

If you thought the final straw was the stolen election in 2000 you were wrong.

If you thought the real final straw was the second stolen election in 2004 where an estimated2-4 million votes were stolen, you were wrong.

If you thought the horrible response on 9/11, the way bush didnt do anything about warnings in the weeks leading up to the attack, sat in a classroom for how many minutes before responding, ended up invading afghanistan, while letting the Saudi's fly back home, was the last straw, wrong again.

If you thought that lying FREAKING LYING to the public about WMD and then bombing the crap out of another country, killing hundreds of thousands of people while spending billions and billions of money was the last straw, sorry!

If you thought pushing through  Leave No Child Behind would do it, Nope!

If you thought illegally leaking Vallerie Plane's name...

If you thought illegal torturing.....

If you thought the ridiculous and deadly response to Hurrican Katrina...

The continue failed war in Iraq..

The ignored warning signs of global warning.....

If you thought almost daily for the past 8 years that all the huge mistakes the bush administration has been making, crimes they have been committing, and true issues ignoring, would be enough for EVERYONE to understand....the liberal way.....

providing health care that is affordable for people like me

protecting the polar bears, and environment

small class size with appropriate resources to teach

correct labeling on GMOs

trusting women to know what to do with their own bodies

ending prejudice and bad treatment of all of our lesbian and gay brothers and sisters

getting out of an unjust war

But no. I think we have the one last fuck up of the bush administration, and as scary as it is, as much as I worry for everyone who will be affected, I can't help but smile a little, I told you so smile.

Republicans are notorious for the free market, right? They are all about deregulation. Infact this is what the Mccain/Palin ticket wants to do, privatize our health care...social security. 

Hmm that isnt looking like such a great idea lately, is it?

So A (cant write full name) what do you think about this republican proposal, the nearly 1 trillion dollar bailout to the phat cats or the corporate world. Pretty socialist don't ya think. Not so much about scaling down the government is it now?

Maybe continued privatization of our prisons, schools, deregulation of our banking system,deregulation of our health care, and privatizing our social security isn't in the best interest of the average american. 

Maybe this is the last straw, the last big fuck up that will allow those with thick blinders on to see that the conservative republican agenda doesn't have your best interests in mind, unless you are filthy rich.

So yes these are my thoughts. So much to chew on and for me this election has become a major line in the sand for me personally. 

I just can't wrap my brain around the thought of voting for Mccain. ...and if you truly believe that Mccain is going take this country in the right direction after 8 years of war, a struggling economy....all the while Mccain voting right along side of Bush....then all I can do is shake my head and think, if we do elect mccain, then you and your family will get what you deserve. Unfortunately, the rest of us will suffer as well.

Check this out, like the old Metallica song : SAD BUT TRUE

www.imvotingrepublican.com

nearing 30

it is truly hard to believe, but adam turns 30 tomorrow, and it is my turn in under 2 months. I still forget i am 29. I feel stuck on 26, which in my mind sounds so damn young. I wonder why. Maybe because it was around that time that my life of partying, dancing at musical festivals, living with a bunch of cool girls, and riding around really came to an end, or at least a very long pause.

I had wanted to plan this great big trip for our little family to go on this weekend or sometime around it. a trip to celebrate leaving our 20s and entering our 30s, but like most things in my life the time came and went without ever getting around the actually planning anything spectacular. My ideas of big sur, yosemite, even as crazy as belize somehow morphed into this: adam doing some serious gardening, and me putting one last red coat on the kids' playroom wall. some sort of exciting don't you think?

so whoever is out there reading, raise your glass to adam tomorrow. he is one heck of  father, an incredibly funny companion, and a very dedicated husband. 

Happy bday, and know that soon I will be following you into the land of 3os, wherever that may take us, at least we will be headed there together.

Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME?

Sarah: Hi

Adam: (in a surprisingly calm voice.) I called about the group insurance. It would be 1000 bucks for you. for kaiser. per month.

Sarah: WTF, that is ridiculous, there goes saving money while living at my parents house. There goes EVER buying a flipping house.

Seriously folks. This sucks! I have to get group insurance because my freaking heart beats too fast and breast cancer runs in my family. PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS. Nevermind that I have a vegetarian for 20 years, excercise regularly, and am very healthy.

So for all of you that plan on voting Mccain please think of me and my family. Where a family of four has the potential to pay 1600 a month in insurance. 1600 bucks. That is more than some mortgages across the country.

Am I pissed? Hell ya!

And so this mother of two young children has some options. Move back in with the rents so I can.....buy a iphone? NO buy a prius? NO save for a house? NO....so I can give all of our hard-earned money to kaiser. SWEET.

Or I can go back to work as a teacher. Put my lovely children in full-time daycare and at the end of the month I will have an extra 300-400 bucks and health insurance.

or choice C, my personal favorite. Try the world of the uninsured....

Glad we are bombing innocent kids in afghanistan, and continuing to fight those bad people in Iraq!

The emotional roller coaster of mothering

I never totally liked roller coasters as a kid. Waiting in line sucked. It would be hot, there would be people all around me and the line always appeared endless. Then when you finally get to the front and get on the nerves kick in. What if this is the one ride where we fall off the track, or I slip out of my seatbelt. Then there would be the uphill hall, the point of no return. Finally at the top a rush of excitement mixed with a good deal of fear sets in. Before you know it is is over and you can look back and say, that was pretty darn fun. Let's do it again. 

This is how mothering has been for me as of late. Each day brings a new feeling, a new attitude. Sometimes it is excitement but to be completely honest (and whats the point of a blog if one is not honest) the last week or so has been more about fear, guilt, lack of motivation, and general down-ness. These are emotions I am not used to. I usually wake up with a smile on my feet and a step to my walk (know I dont have the right saying here).

I stepped away from the week changed though. And with more clarity. Here is what I learned, gathered, realized....

1. Sleep is very important and sometimes hard to find. Everyone has periods in their lives where it is hard to sleep. My children need help falling back asleep throughout the night. I don't care if your child sleeps 12 hours straight alone in a crib (ok, i care a little), mine wake up. And it is my job to help them gently fall back asleep. That makes me get less sleep, and less sleep contribues greatly to my mood. So....when my children aren't sleeping that well I must take more naps, and I must be easier on myself if I don't have the energy to take two young children somewhere big and exciting. Perhaps I can even stay inside for most of a day instead of constantly being on the go, yet being exhausted, upset,  and then feeling guilty for not being the best mom ever. Disclaimer: Charlie had 15 great nights where he slept from 8-5 all alone in his own bed before the past week where he woke up several times and came into ours. The past two nights we have just let him come back in and we have all slept better.

2.This time in my life is very short, and the best thing I can be doing for my family is laying this strong foundation of love, support, exploration, and straight up time spent playing with my kids. I am a mother 24 hours of the day, literally. I am a housewife, too. And sometimes I struggle with that. I am fortunate enough to be able to stay home with my kids, and am grateful that adam works so hard that I can. But to be honest, I am tired of it too. I miss having a moment to myself, taking a class, teaching a class, thinking outside the box, usually my hands for things other than changing diapers, building big castles, or cooking oat bars. So, thats cool. It is said, and I know it, and in the next year or two I will work towards that goal. Until then I will enjoy moments like this where charlie is running around the house chases his ball, and the baby is playing on the floor, and I sneak a 10 minute computer time to myself.

3. My family is my everything. And with my dad unable to move for over a week (seriously folks this is very bad) and my mom not any better after 4.5 months of being sick and having difficulty breathing, I am hurting inside. I am trying to find the strength to keep on keeping on, but I am one sensitive gal. I am used to their help in regards to the children, and I am used to their upbeat attitudes.....I am hopeful that things will improve, and I know both of them are trying their hardest to get better, but it is scary none-the-less.

4. it is ok to have hard moments, days and weeks. thing always pick up 

As i discovered during one magical backpacking trip in the middle of nowhere with some great friends Attitude is Everything 

and for those days where my attitude is struggling I will use my other motto, and I will fake it until I make it.

charlie the entertainer

Every stage i love more than the last.

This one full of expressive language is super fun.

And the things that come out of our mouths are equally fun these days

Recent things we have said:

"charlie if you are going to sit on your sister's head, you need to wear a diaper" -sarah

"Charlie, are you trying to put  a screwdriver (toy one) up your sister's nose?" -adam

"Charlie this is the last bowl full of cereal you can throw for lily" -adam

"Ouch, that looked like it hurt. Ask you penis if it is ok" -sarah, (charlie bends over and says, OTAY PEE PEE? and then i realize what i asked my son to do

Recent things Charlie has said,

OH POO POO...runs full speed ahead to bathroom...POTTY....farts on the pot....ALL DONE...runs back into the living room and shouts...YEH BABY

Baby Tate little hair, Char Char big hair.

when he wants something and we remind him to ask nicely, he cocks his head to the side and says, "more pease" so sweet.

Char Char big leaf blower, lawn mower, hammer, drill, screw driver 

Everyday he has new words, and apparently everyday we say stranger and stranger phrases.

politics

Wont bore you. will make it short and sweet because for the most part I am preaching to the choir here (got the right saying this time, right?)

But honestly folks. You are smart, you have families. You want the same things as me right: healthcare, safe toys, safe food, clean air, a comfortable retirement 30 years from now, an affordable house, a decent job.....you want all americans to be lifted up..right? You want wars to end, peace to begin, to rid "terrorism" whatever form it takes....whether it is actual "terrorist" attacks or U.S. led air strikes that kill children in afghanistan... because lets be real here, terrorism is terrorism. creating terror. 

we want the same things. I try to be sensitive to everyone's beliefs....try to follow a each to his/her own philosophy. But being on the brink of something really big here it is getting harder and harder for me to understand how anyone can support the mccain/palin ticket. I am loving that women are coming into the political arena these days. but not this woman. she has no experience (an odd selection for an old man who has attacked obama for months now because he has NO experience), and in no way is an advocate for women's rights.

So here is my thinking. Watch Obama's speech with an open mind. I will watch Mccain's speech with an open mind as well. and then critically think. Think about what kind of world you want for your children. Do you want to enlist them in wars in Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan. Do you want them to be denied healthcare for pre-existing conditions (like me), do you want them to chew on unsafe toys, go to less than stellar schools? If so, vote mccain. You will create your own future.

But if what you want is a safe, harmonious, peaceful world. Vote your heart. Obama is a politician. Do I think he will do everything he says he will? NO. Do I think he is going to truly CHANGE all the things we need to change? NO. But I do believe in my heart of hearts that Obama and the administration he selects will have the working middle class in mind. Will not be as corrupt as the bush administration. will not lie, cheat, steal, and break laws left and right the way our government has the past 8 years. 

Adam has lost interest. He is fed up, and is pulling away from politics just a little. I am trying to fill him with hope, because if you don't have hope, what do you have. 

I see the energy that obama creates. I understand and agree with most of his thinking, and bet most would if they just shed off their judgements for a moment.

One thing that stuck with me during his speech was how the right takes big elections and makes them about small things.

Abortion and gay rights. I shake my head as i type that. I know those are HUGE issues for the religious right. Too bad they are such personal issues that truly don't affect our community or world. How silly!

I am deeply concerned about: global warming, war, health care, lack of water.....aren't you?

As one of my friends said, you dont have to be a democrat to vote obama, you just have to be smart.

MAMMMMEEEE

Amy comes back in a little over a week. Talk about sweet honeymoons. She got married in the beginning of June and left with her new hubby for Guatemala on June 22. That is a long-ass honeymoon if you ask me. I guess it is something you can do when you a footloose and fancy free, unlike me who is "up to my eyeballs in kids" as adam puts it when I begin talking about having a third child...

I can't wait for my sister Amy to come home. I miss our weekly talks about every little thing. I miss her visiting us. She is so wonderful with Charlie. Always trekking all the way from Davis to blow bubbles, read stories, and make my son laugh.

It has been hard to let go, and I feel like that is what I have done over the past five years. close doors and new ones open right? Or is it open new ones and old ones start to close.

I used to dream about living with amy forever...on a farm or phat piece of land. Things change, and I am happy about that. I look at adam (he's so cute, in case ya never seen him) and think about how lucky I am to have such a playful, fun, loving, and devoted dad/husband, and I look into charlie's eyes as he tries the new dance move his dad taught him, and I look even deeper into my daughter's eyes....and know I made the right choice. The choice to come home, live next to my family, and start my own.

So....even though this was all my doing, it is a continual process of letting go. Letting amy go and travel for 12 weeks in Guat. and then another 12 around the u.s. Letting my sister go as she travels to asia, up north to farm, and doing south to burning man (as a side note, when I explained to char that Aunt Na couldnt come to the zoo with us because she was headed to burning man, he spent the next two full days saying, Aunt Na wait, Char char burning man. 16 years buddy, 16 years you will have to wait.

Letting go of travel plans, hours alone, car trips, backpacking trips, old friends, living in a new and exciting town or country.

But oh I am off topic. The main thrust for this entry is to say that I am over the top excited that my mamy is coming to town next week. I cant wait for the big hug and all the words and fun that will follow.

Love my mamy!

you know you are a parent of a toddler when...part 2

....you put A& D on your toothbrush thinking it is toothpaste, and get within inches of your mouth before you notice

...you hear yourself say, honey dont vacuum your sister.

....you realize that a bunch of finger paint made it into your last batch of bran muffins and remember suddenly that you did ask your son to help you make them and that he was finger painting at the time...and you keep giving them to your son anyway but you dont want to waste them.

another funny moment

Tonight at dinner:

we are all sitting around eating a good dinner (well, ok i was standing because kate was asleep on my back in the ergo) and charlie was ending his three course dinner of fresh peas, roman beans and rice, and pasta. He started throwing his pasta left and right for lilly. (i swear they made a deal a few months back: lilly kindly shares her dog food with charlie as long as charlie shares his leftovers with lilly....i keep explaining to charlie that being a vegetarian means no animal products, including ground up horse meat in dog food.)

Adam didn't seem to notice charlie throwing his dinner clear across the room. At first I felt proud of my son's wicked arm as he cleared tables, chairs and walls. Then I said, Charlie no more throwing food for lilly.

That is when adam chimed in, "Charlie if you throw it for lilly one more time I will take it away" of course charlie being the spunky punkey that he is throws another piece for lilly. After adam takes the bowl away, charlie says "no daddy, char char happy". So adam of course gives in, gives the bowl back to charlie and says, "Charlie that is your food, only for you. no throwing." Charlie being 100% me, picks up a nice fat piece of pasta and chucks it right at his dad's face. I bust at laughing, adam half shocked, half laughing, and half annoyed...tells charlie a bit more firmer, don't throw the pasta.

Charlie looks so innocently at his father, does the 'little bit sign' and says, just a little bit, which sounds more like jusalilbi

Adam says no, charlie pinches a tiny piece of pasta off from the bigger piece and throws it for lilly.

i think...my kid rocks!

monday morning blues

they don't come often, these blues. I stand in shades of green, orange, and red usually. tired, but excited for the day and how it unfolds. booked to the tee with playdates, walks, funny moments at parks, workouts, cooking, tutoring and the like. I usually don't have time to feel unsure, uneasy, uncomfortable...all the un's
and yet today i do. maybe it is because i spent over 8 hours in the car yesterday listening to my sweet baby cry/scream off and on. we stopped, change diapers, nursed, gave cuddles and once we started driving again it was back to screaming. it destroyed me. and so maybe that is why i feel so off today. it was confirmed why i sleep with my babies, wear my babies, and am an attached mama, my children crying isn't an option (charlie crying during a meltdown is different- i can stomach that as long as i am near and he knows i love him)
maybe it is because i at times feel excluded and unliked by some people (how is that possible, i know)
maybe it is because i take my daughter in for her first vaccine today and i am still unsure of our decision.
maybe it is just the ebb and flow of motherhood...the ups and downs of life....the calm and storm of being a sensitive, emotional, honest woman.
i will be fine, i am wired that way. i will suddenly snap out of it, i always do. but until then my heart aches and i feel a little bit unsteady on my feet.
one of my mothering mottos will get me through:
fake it till you make it!

You know you are a parent of a toddler when...part 1

---you find a cheerio in your bra, and you eat it.

---you find mysterious brown areas on your carpet and realize your son pooped on your carpet and the dog ate it up.

--you are able to read an entire children's book with your eyes shut, including turning the pages at all the right times.

--you are worried when you hear hysterical laughter coming from another room (especially when there may be a pet in that room)

--your husband finds pee on his pillow in the corner of the room and you start laughing and your toddler runs into the room and yells, yeh baby yeh baby yeh baby yeh!

--you find food smeared across your babies head and she hasn't really started solid foods yet

--you wake up in the middle of the night because you can hear the pitter patter of feet racing towards you

--your computer screen has finger prints all over it.

--you go into your son's room to find him doing yoga and he instantly asks you to leave

--you hear banging all over the house and when you ask for it to stop you hear  "no char char working.

--there is a rush of silence over the house and you know that can't be good, and when you search for your son you find him playing in the toilet bowl. or eating dog food...or holding a knife.

--you almost break your neck tripping over a toy in the middle of the night on the way to the bathroom.

--YOUR bed is full of books, crumbs, stuffed animals, and on occasional dirty diapers.

--you find yourself swaying singing twinkle twinkle, while alone in line at the store.

--the highlight of your day is when your son pees in the potty

more coming soon

our trip to tahoe

just a few years a back adam and I would take the most amazing life changing adventures: backpacking all around california, traveling to belize, panama, costa rica, guatemala. With me being a teacher with summers off yet paychecks still coming in, and adam being the traveling matt that he is....we were like two peas in a pod....with a credit card. and when we were feeling alright....we would book our next flight to some beautiful latin country.That was before we embarked on the ultimate adventure, the craziest trip of all: parenting.About two months ago I almost had adam taking out the credit card once again....to book a flight to educador or was it costa rica.....but we came to our senses and realized:

1. we have two young kids and a big trip like that may be more exhausting than relaxing.

2. adam didn't really have the time off work

3. we didn't have the money.

so we settled for tahoe.

Great decision. Here's why:

We were able to continue practicing the spiral throws with Charlie at nearby parks

I caught pics like this...

and this....

We got to look at views like this of Emerald Bay

Dad got time to spend with just the baby (he is always on charlie patrol in the evenings)

Charlie got to test out his love of jumping in ice cold snow melt water. And of course his very playful and fun dad was there to catch him everytime.

We hiked a more challenging hike to the top of this ridge and saw lake tahoe, granite lake, and fallen leaf lake. It was breath-taking, as you can tell

Charlie got to paint his face with dirt and look tough. seriously he did this on his own while we were trying to figure out the camera.

Nap times were easy peasy, just put the kids in the packs and hike like there's no tomorrow:

Charlie got to put into practice his mad leaf-blowing skills! What a community helper, cleaning up the trails, the way he did!

With big Kate and Adam chasing Charlie around, I got to truly focus some attention on just little kate. 

I got to hike once again...with this kind of view in front of me. I can't think of a more beautiful scene to look at. Adam, Charlie and the lake all around.

Charlie enjoyed playing in pristine lakes while watching ducklings play. This is at eagle lake.

Charlie got to spend a lot of time naked, something he loves doing. He also got to spend a lot of time throwing rocks into the lake.

Aunt Na visited us for two days, we had so much fun. She got to spend one-on-one time with both Kate and Charlie, as well as spend hours chatting, laughing and hanging out with Adam and me. In case you didn't know Aunt Na dedicates so much of her life to these here two children. She makes them laugh, teaches Char things like yoga, dancing, and most recently how to ommmmmm (how do you spell that)

The two happy kates.....

Charlie  got to actually enjoy the beach. Even though we live right by beach and walk along the bluffs about twice a week, this the first time I think he realized he could walk on the sand right up to the water.

Our vacation lasted all of 5 days, and two of those days we spent traveling to and fro.

Each day was action-packed, sunny, beautiful, relaxing, and all around wonderful.

I couldn't have had a better vacation. Adam, what are you doing next week. Want to go again? Seriously.

It always happens that way.

When one kid falls asleep so easily and early, the other keeps you on your toes for hours. 

No matter how many deep talks I have with K and C, they still don't get it. Falling asleep around the same time at night makes mommy and daddy so happy. Is that asking for too much? I think we are fairly flexible parents. We lay down with our kids, read to them, get them sips of water, milk, snacks. Sing to them. We are patient, loving, and fun people (most of the time). So all we ask of you Char and Baby is to go to sleep around 8 give or take 30 minutes. Sure you are 2 and you littles are only 6 months, but this is all we ask.

Last night Charlie (after not napping all day) fell asleep with daddy at 7:40, about an hour earlier than usual. I thought: SWEET you rock Adam! Now I will get the monkey to sleep and we can cuddle up and watch heroes (yes, I admit we are watching a tv series about super-heroes, and for those of you who know me well you must be surprised since I have never seen star wars, star trek....ect.)

Monkey didn't nurse to sleep as planned. She has been sick as of late and it was like she came to. She started standing, shrieking, smiling, laughing. Why she decided to truly find her voice at 9 at night is beyond me. 

Around 10 she realized how tired she was and started to meltdown. It was a very hard few hours.

She wouldn't nurse (and actually I realized that she had only nursed once from 12:30-8:30), wouldn't be cuddled, wouldn't be held, rock, or bounced.....a first time experience for me and I hated it.

Her crying and uncomfortable ways brought me to tears and left me feeling helpless. Adam, being the cool, calm, collective and involved dad that he is, actually managed to get her to sleep....which lasted about 20 minutes.

So there you have it. For the next few hours she would wake screaming and I would bounce on my bouncy ball over and over and over, trying to console my so upset little. Praying that Charlie wouldn't wake up again, hoping that I wouldn't fall back asleep on the ball and somehow dropp my precious little onto the floor.

After she finally settled down, Charlie came into our room burning up. I just took  a deep breath, like I seem to be doing more and more these days and rolled with it.

This morning was like the calm after the storm. The baby napped on her own (crazy, i know) for 2 hours (i actually had to wake her up cuz it was time for pilates), and both the baby and c were feverless, and happy. Now they are both napping and I should be too.

So once again we will have our talk after the nap. We play hard all day. We laugh, jump, shoot hoops (by the way when I went to pick char up from my rad parents (who watched both kids two days in a row so I can work out) he was making basket after basket... he has mastered lay-ups and underhand free throws) and by 8 at night we are all tired. so we go to sleep. got it?

Never a dull day in the world of mothering.

two sheets to the wind

is that a real saying, or is it just my imagination.....and is that line from a song.

sorry. a little too much white wine after another long day and my mind 

begins to wander.

little kate is turning six months in just two days. hard to believe. i overheard adam saying to her after getting back from work today, "kate, you have been in our lives for half a year now...wow" 

In the grand scheme of things that doesn't seem like very long, but in our

 whirlwind dating/marriage/baby-a-thon, half a year is actually 1/10 of our new beginning, does that make sense? 

Adam and I went to school together, grew up together and have know each other for I am guessing.....15 years now. In high school he was a conservative jock (is that ok to say) and I was a liberal hippie.....I like to think he came over to my side. Actually I know he came over to my side.

We re-met after college when the american dream of graduating from college and getting some high paying job came crashing down and we somehow both ended up back at our parents house, both recently out of relationships that weren't working.

After a run-in at longs, a walk along the bluffs, and a few beers at san benito

.....we had two kids, and an asparagus patch...which to update those of you who have been with me from the beginning as far as blogging, we made a major mistake with our sentimental asparagus patch, we continued to pick all of our tasty spears throughout the past three months. Turns out we weren't supposed to pick them past a month...so I am pretty sure we have ruined our chance of further offspring from our plant and won't  be able to reap the benefit of our three year commitment/investment any longer. 

When I brought this to adam's attention, this was his response....hmmm...shit....well we can just plant more, what's three years...we aren't going anywhere.

At which I smiled and thought, I really picked a winner with this guy. And I mean that, adam.

ok back to kate. How I got so badly off topic, I have no idea...ok it was the wine

So our second little is almost 6 months. And for those of you who are wondering, no worries there is no soon to be announced pregnancy on the horizon. No SOR EEE...how do you spell that?

Two with 19 months is enough for us, probably for a lifetime.

                                                  Kate is a delight, as most of you know.

She coos and ahhs and laughs.

She snuggles like there is no tommorrow.

Her two favorite people hands-down are adam (her dad) and C (her brother). I would list me, but it has been confirmed that K and I are the same person. we eat together, sleep together....and even use the pot together...the toilet that is...I am not that careless of a mom.

She rolls over, tries to sit up (ends up eating her toes), and is enjoying some whole grain and rice cereal. 

She is a champion nurser as she has to be, since she has had to adapt and learn to nurse on the go since the day she was born.

She is a great sleeper and napper (minor disclaimer, she has to be slept with...but I am fine with that)

She is gorgeous. She is sweet, smiley, and happy to be here.

Weighing in at 16 pounds 11 ounces and 27 inches, she is no tiny heiny.

And although I had my doubts along the way as to whether or not Sarah B. could mother two under two, I am nothing but thrilled to get the opportunity to cherish, cuddle, nourish, tickle, sleep with, love, and watch this wonder of delight grow.

Happy half birthday little Kate!

What makes Sarah happy?

1. Going to bodypump for a full hour never once worrying about her children (well ok, I did worry but didn't let it affect my workout)

2. Walking to the farmer's market with just the baby (and lilly) in 70 degree weather and buying two big bags of local organic produce.

3. Both kids napping for two hours at the same time

4. Cleaning the house with Adam and no charlie.

5. nice burritos from tres for dinner

6. both kids falling peacefully asleep in just 20 minutes at night.

Saturdays make me happy, and yesterday was a good day.

Char Char's famous sentences

Charlie is talking more everyday, still using signs but adding new words and phrases daily.

Here are some examples of things we here daily:

1. Char Char pee pee potty, yeh baby!

2. Char Char help mommy

3. Char Char ride drar (car), daddy walk

4. Mama, Pa Char Char ride mo mo  (motorcycle) helmitch (helmit)

5. My baby

6. Our baby

7. I love you

9. Char Char eat yo yo (yogurt)

10. Daddy No

11. Char Char big, baby little, mommy huge (not sure how I feel about that one)

12. PA out. Pa up. Pa Yo Yo, Pa play (you can see who his favorite person is....Grandpa

13. YiYee no, back, now!

I am sure there are more. This little person keeps us entertained all day long!

Just a little bit, mommy?

I was sitting on my floor this morning, protecting my little chunky monkey from my very energetic toddler and this is what took place:

Charlie started off by doing his famous wide-legged walk over the length of the baby (no easy feat, have you seen how long baby Kate is?). Then he went on to jump over her. After pretending to kick her several times I decided to step in and pick her up. Baby Kate is laughing (of course) during all of her brother's stunts.

We are all playing together on the floor when Charlie decides it would be fun to smack Kate across the head a few times. I, being right there, was able to stop all of the attempts. Charlie had a big smile on his face. Kate was laughing, too. Keeping it all light I just said over and over....let's not hit the baby. hitting hurts.

Charlies then looks up at me and does his sign for "just a little bit" at which point I reply, no honey we can't hit the baby, not even just a little bit. Thanks for asking, though!

Terrific Twos

I always worried about the twos. Everyone told me they would be terrible.  Maybe my child is mellow (doubtful, though), or maybe it is our attitude...but we really don't feel like there is anything even close to terrible about charlie turning 2 or being 2. Mind you it has only been a month. But I love it so far. 

Does he cry when he doesn't get his way? Who doesn't. I feel like crying on a daily basis because of not getting my way. For example: having the worst president in history who has done things such as wage a costly, unjust, horrific war, continue to destroy the environment, deny children healthcare... 

Does he throw his body on the floor in frustration? Don't you. At the end of a long day where somethings don't go your way, some people don't understand what you say...don't you throw your tired body on the bed.

He is a little human being like the rest of us, and yes he screams, says no, and has the occasional meltdown, but the majority of his day is filled with moments like this:

1. when looking for a certain toy, he goes from room to room with his hands outward saying hmmmm, and then when the toy is not within view he puts his hands to his hips and lets out one last hmmm.

2. races around the house trying out new styles of running. Last night his run of choice was with one hand (the left one) way up high in the air, while his right hand cupped his elbow, as if to help that left hand get higher.

3. does crazy dances (a video soon to come) to make his sister laugh, us laugh, or just to make himself laugh.

4. Grabs his penis when he has to go pee, races to his potty, sits, pees, and then races to wherever we are and says in the funniest ways, "YEH BABY>>>PEE PEE in the the POTTY!"

5. When he does wear a diaper and needs to be changed he likes to walk all over the house finding the best spot to  get changed (I always think of a dog looking for a place to pee), and then when he finds the perfect place he says..."right that" and lies down.

6. The way he walks is great. His right arm swings side to side while his left arm is on his hip, we are starting to think the right arm gives him momentum, while the left gives him balance.

7. He spends a lot of the time leaf-blowing, which means he holds the vacuum attachment just like the guys to that blow leaves around our condo. He makes the exact sound and takes his job very seriously.

8. He is talking more and more everyday, saying things like....hike now....or mama pa char char ride mo mo (which translates into: lets got to grandma and grandpas to ride charlie motorcycle.

I am sure there is so much more I can't seem to pull up right now, but I guess the point is to share with you how much in love I am with my son. Of course I have moments and days where I think in my head: holy shit, this is hard, I am tired and about to loose my cool. But my favorite moto is fake it until you make it. So I continue to smile and act sweet and understanding while I pull myself together. There were two times while in Lake Tahoe where charlie was kinda freaking out. Both times he was exausted and rather than feeling frustrated myself I felt this overwhelming sense of compassion and empathy for my little guy who was too tired to function. It was a touching experience and I try to draw on those feelings everytime he has a meltdown.

Anyway sorry for the ramble. If you haven't hung out with this little work of art recently, drop by for a visit. His expressions, sound effects, words, thrist for life, dance moves and pure silliness will melt your heart.