they don't come often, these blues. I stand in shades of green, orange, and red usually. tired, but excited for the day and how it unfolds. booked to the tee with playdates, walks, funny moments at parks, workouts, cooking, tutoring and the like. I usually don't have time to feel unsure, uneasy, uncomfortable...all the un's
and yet today i do. maybe it is because i spent over 8 hours in the car yesterday listening to my sweet baby cry/scream off and on. we stopped, change diapers, nursed, gave cuddles and once we started driving again it was back to screaming. it destroyed me. and so maybe that is why i feel so off today. it was confirmed why i sleep with my babies, wear my babies, and am an attached mama, my children crying isn't an option (charlie crying during a meltdown is different- i can stomach that as long as i am near and he knows i love him)
maybe it is because i at times feel excluded and unliked by some people (how is that possible, i know)
maybe it is because i take my daughter in for her first vaccine today and i am still unsure of our decision.
maybe it is just the ebb and flow of motherhood...the ups and downs of life....the calm and storm of being a sensitive, emotional, honest woman.
i will be fine, i am wired that way. i will suddenly snap out of it, i always do. but until then my heart aches and i feel a little bit unsteady on my feet.
one of my mothering mottos will get me through:
fake it till you make it!
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Ooh, girl, I feel ya! You saw me on Friday...it hasn't improved much since then. Unsteady as all get out. (that's Texan for a whole lot!)
Hey--Gwendomama posted some gigantic strawberries on her blog from Swanton Farms down there on the coast of S.C. I'm thinking of going there in a couple of hours. Want to go? I don't have your phone number either...need it!
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