I think things are good now. For the most part. I knew I would get through the last few months, and that as my energy and health came back so would my patience and usually positive attitude.
I'm 16 weeks and love this new little baby floating around inside me...I still feel tired and sick to my stomach, but am getting so much better.
How I survived the past 10 weeks, kept my family fed, house clean (kind of) and kids happy and out of trouble, and managed to take on a new job...is beyond me. I really did wake up and dread each day. On top of it my mom got a brand new puppy. An adorable, well-behaved chocolate lab....but still a puppy with sharp teeth. So sending my kids downstairs in times of need became tricky. And playing in the backyard became almost impossible. This baby better be amazing in every way, because puking up to 8 times a day with two young kids sucked. The fridge became my worst enemy. I could be sitting on the couch and someone would open the fridge and the smell would send me racing to the toilet. On top of that all Charlie had a very very difficult month or so. Tantrums, incredibly sensitive, attitude, you name it...he had it. Now looking back I realize that he was probably picking up on being inside more, and seeing his normally happy mommy not looking so good.
I tried to tell myself it was all a stage, and deep inside I knew that everything I was feeling and going through was temporary, but in the day to day living...that advice doesn't help. I felt out of control. Emotional. Tired. Lost. And sad that my normally sweet son was slipping away.
The good news is that we are coming out on the other side. I have more and more energy. Haven't thrown up for 5 days, and Charlie is back to his charismatic, sweet, funny, lovable self.
I am really proud of him. Of the way he can make a mistake and apologize on his own, how he can think of solutions to make something better, how he can come up to me and give me a hug asking to "make up"
And I am proud of Adam and myself. We were at a total loss, and I started to find myself trying to put him in his room, threatening to take toys away, yelling, and crying. That is not me, and not the way I want to parent. I was able to step back after a week of trying these more conventional methods of discipline and realize that they didn't work with my son. I needed to have empathy, compassion, patience. I needed to overlook the little behaviors, but draw the line in the sand for the more offensive behaviors. Who knows why or how things went back to normal. All I know is that I am happy my connection to my son has returned. I adore him and all his incredibly cute and cool mannerisms.
And he has been sleeping all night alone in his bed. Just waking up once to pee and asking for a quick kiss and hug in the night.
It is good to be sleeping in my own bed all night.
And Kate. Wow, what a character.
Still sporting tights and boots with a great smile. She actually has added a new layer to her look, her swimsuit on top of her tights. sweet. Today before her nap she said over and over again: "You think I am going to nap?......."NO" with as much sauciness as anyone can ever have.
Her bangs are growing, and I just love watching her push her hair back. Still won't let us comb it or style it. but hey it is growing.
She loves Lily and Henry as much as a little girl can love anything. She cherishes her "special time" with me while Charlie is at nursery school, and truly there is no one I would rather sit down and play with than my sweet Kate.
She yells at the universe (or one of us) but quickly says, "I'm
yorry" and moves right on. She says things like, "good night poppy head pa" And I love her for it. She insists on doing everything herself, even if it takes her 10 good minutes to get into her
carseat and buckle herself in.
She can't wait to be a big sister but tells me everyday that she is still a baby. She has made her way back into our bed all night every night, and I love it. I snuggle up to her all night and don't mind because I know in just a few more months she won't be my baby anymore.
She reads for hours a day, either in some weird language, and a pretty accurate retelling of a book. And this little girl loves her dolls.
Every morning I lay in bed until 7 or 730 with these two incredible kids. We snuggle, giggle, talk about our dreams, the day ahead of us. We sing, play tickle fights, and just wake up together. This morning I looked at both of their beautiful faces and felt overwhelmed with love for them. I felt so excited for welcoming another baby
Berkowitz into this family. What a lucky baby to be born and right away have two creative, sweet, fun siblings.
I hope to recharge my camera and capture some shots of my kids...afterall it has been over a month since I have snapped a non-phone pics.
Hope everyone is doing well!
