Monday, August 15, 2011

The universe

A few days ago I had a night where I felt down. And if you know me you know this doesn't happen often. I felt disconnected from my friends, trapped in my own world of raising my kids....and even though I realize that putting the majority of my energy into my kids and my home is what I want to do right now...it made me sad.
I went to LA for a beautiful wedding and spent two full days driving with my sister, her boyfriend, my brother and the baby. I honestly enjoyed every minute of the long drive (except the small doses where the baby cried, and the one near death incident). I was in the company of two of my closest and dearest friends, my brother and sister. We talked, laughed, laughed, sang...something the kids don't let me do in the car despite my most amazing voice. The night and day we spent in Pasadena we hung out with two of my most favorite friends. I felt so alive. I talked when I wanted to, and listened to others without having to interrupt them to deal with the kids. I felt so alive. And funny. I felt fun to be with. I felt like the old Sarah...and as much as I missed my kids every minute, it was so refreshing to just be me....
So the question is how do I foster that feeling while dealing with the daily chaos that is my life: dishes, cooking, taking the kids outside, teaching them to be the best they can while staying calm and centered, how do I stay Sarah while also being a mom to three young kids.....
the feeling and thought that kept coming to me was friends.....my amazing friends both near and far. I have been known to wait. To wait to be invited, wait to be called, and visited. Maybe it is time I do the calling, inviting, fostering.....
So feeling good about all these realizations and coming off a fantastic family weekend full of sun, beach time, and just good family fun...I step outside to hang out with Adam and kids while they play street hockey with our neighbors...
and I look down the street and see a woman, her husband and baby walking down the street. A huge wave of something familiar comes over me. She approaches me and says, "Are you Sarah?" And instantly I know who she is. She is Sam, a friend from college that I have not seen for 11 years. Actually the last time I remember hanging out with her was when we took a road trip to Utah to see Phish in college. I remember her being down to earth, mellow, and fun. Turns out she moved to Montara in April, bought a house just a month after me. She moved to the coast not knowing anyone...just loving the ocean and town. She also just had her first baby, a girl, born on the exact day as Alex....and she is a teacher.
The universe answered my call....she happened to walk down my street after months of walking in our neighborhood yet never venturing down our street. I happened to step out of my house at that moment...and boom....I have a friend. A friend with a baby....a friend who is awesome...and we have so much catching up to do.
The sun is shining and I feel good. I feel well loved and I know that I love well.