the chids

they make the past 9 months of puking, exhaustion, emotions, hernia pain, back pain, sleepless nights, and big fat belly all worth it. can't wait to see what this last Berkawood Underwitz baby will become. Judging from how creative, sweet, smart, fiesty, and silly these chids are...I think we will be pleasantly surprised.

You know you are ready to "pop" when...

Your husband has to roll you out of bed by pushing on your back (seriously, this happens often)

Your kids constantly comment about your "puffy" belly or huge boobs.

Perfect strangers say things like, "I am impressed, you are still out and about...with two kids and a dog"

You can perfectly balance your morning cup of tea, afternoon bowl of snacks, or late night cup of ice cream on your belly.

You wipe crumbs off your breast only to later find them stashed securely on your belly

Even your husband's over-sized tennis shirts don't fit your belly.

Your docs feel the baby, says it is big and reminds you at your weekly visits to come right in as soon as contractions start...afterall this is the third pregnancy and we have seen quite a few laggers who end up welcoming their baby in the car

your four year old son during a meltdown screams, "Fine sticking-out-tummy-mommy" as if that is an insult.

while your 3 year old calls you fat as if it is a matter of fact. And when I remind her that isn't nice, she says: "well, it true"

You give your kids the most honest answer as to how the baby gets out of your body because you are too big, tired, and irritable to come up with any form of creative answer or way to dodge the question.

When you get up and walk around at night you seriously feel the whole house shake, and as much as you want to blame it on the fact that we have yet to "sister the boards" in our foundation...you know it is due to the extra 28 pounds you are carrying.

You waddle from place to place, can't see waist down, no longer have clothes that fit, and feel gross yet you still let yourself be seen in public day after day because you have little munchkins that need exercise and you work.

You relieve your bladder in the middle of the night only to lay down, feel the baby on your bladder and have to get up to pee.

As much as you want to meet the little baby inside you, you congratulate yourself for another day of work completed.

It is the little things

The way she twists her face and says, "silly muffins"
The way he cocks his head to one side and says, "ahhh yeh"
The way they play, couch play, dolls, parking garage, dress up. Their zest for life. Their love for adventure.
The way they love to play games, do art, and read.
Their strong small bodies as they arrive at a park and immediately look for kids to play with.
The way he raced across the monkey bars doing complete 360s on the bars. something i have never seen done by anyone.
They way he comes out of his room quietly and restored after a major meltdown, ready for a hug and to be happy again.
The way they play together and act so lovingly towards each other...not that I see it every day but when I do it melts my heart.
The way she sticks her butt to one side every time I am taking her diaper off in the morning or getting her dressed, as if my favorite part of her is her bottom....
The way he checks out his chest and arm muscles and takes eating very seriously so he can feed his growing muscles.
The way after every bite two nights ago she said, "This is soooo good!"
The way he snuggles up to me on the couch every night while I read books, his small hands wrapped carefully around my arm, and the way she thumbs through her own books at the same time.
They way they sing with me night after night as they are settling down for bed.
They way he asks every day, "how many sleeps until next Easter, his birthday, the baby coming, Christmas"
The dance parties, incredibly dance moves, pure happiness as the music is blasting.
The way they are perfectly behaved at parks, stores, the doctors, and on our field trips.
The way they drift peacefully off to sleep night after night, early and easily...welcoming sleep after a hard day's work of play.
The smiles. The big ear to ear grins that melt your heart, and help you thru the harder moments. The giggles. the tickles. the stories. the questions. the phases, stages. the ups and the downs. the days where we have no where to be but with each other.
All these little things make me so incredibly excited to see what one more Berkawood kid will be like.

Funny things

Two nights ago Kate called me into her room 2 or 3 times because her blankets had fallen off and she was cold. Each time I lovingly tucked her back in and before I could even kiss her, she was back asleep (sidenote: so many people assured me the day would come when they would sleep on their own and sleep well, I was skeptical...but now it amazes me every night). The next morning I tried to give her a pep talk. Between frequent trips to the bathroom, a touch of insomnia, and being large and uncomfortable...I rarely get a 3 hour stretch of sleep. Mix in either kid waking up 1 or 2 and it is no good. So I gave her a talking to.

Me: Kate, you kept calling me in to put your blanket back on you.

Kate: Yes, I were cold

Me: I know, but you can just reach down and grab your own blanket and pull it right up.

Kate: But you? No I can't

Charlie: shrugs his shoulders: I guess her arms are too short.

We have been starting every day, and I mean starting as in at 630....with 2 back to back games of memory. And when we get home from our days' adventures we play another two rounds. And often times right before books and bed we play another two rounds. We also play animal dominoes, animal bingo, and a few great cooperative board games, but memory is the absolute favorite. Charlie is truly amazing at it. 48 cards and he usually ends up winning. Kate is good to but loses interest or starts acting silly. She honestly thinks it is the funniest thing to pick the same card over and over again, and will often point out a match she knows of when it isn't her turn. Charlie has the biggest, happiest, and cutest smile during his turns. He is good and knows it. And as soon as his turn is over he starts asking, "My turn?" and he keeps repeating that phrase until it is infact his turn.

The past few days throughout the day he will throw in some random "My turn?" as if it is such a part of his daily routine to say it that it has to come out of his mouth. We were at the beach at Mavericks yesterday and Charlie turns to me and says, "My turn?" and I say...to do what, go in the water? Eat lunch? He smiles and says...oh I think I was thinking of memory.

Last night Adam and I did our traditional tradeoff. He took kids to tennis while I tutored and then I took them home while he finished work and played tennis himself. He had had a minor infraction with Charlie after tennis that left Charlie feeling sad. I was driving them home and explaining our evening plans. I mentioned that Adam wouldn't be home until after they were asleep due to work, tennis, and a meeting...at which point Charlie let out a deep sigh and said....I guess no family dinner for us tonight. It was cute and sweet and sad. Between my tutoring and Adam's tennis most nights are not family dinners. We enjoy home-cooked and healthy meals, but separately. Sadly, when it was time for dinner (which by the way was amazing....thanks Tanya for the recipe!), he was so excited to sit down and have a family dinner without daddy. Then he had to use the restroom. We tried to wait for him, but Kate and I were hungry and ended up eating our entire plates before he returned. Poor little dude sat alone and ate his dinner. I actually sat next to him and we talked the whole time, but I felt a little sad that his idea of a nice family dinner hadn't work out quite the way he imagined it.

Celebrating spring

A few years ago when I mentioned to Adam that I would like to incorporate the idea of the root children into our Easter celebration I am pretty sure he rolled his eyes. But being the amazing guy that he is, he jumped on board immediately. After all we had become quite the gardening family and our kids were full blown into taking magical walks in the redwoods. They loved the playful idea of fairies and gnomes, and had developed a very strong connection to the natural world early on. They took to it right away. The idea of root children waking up from a long winters sleep and coming up from the ground to celebrate the coming of spring.
So last night as the kids were falling asleep Charlie asked for one more story. I thought Adam would continue the trend of some amazing super hero story that Charlie requested night after night. But instead Adam told an elaborate story of the collaboration between the root children and the Easter bunny. And yet again I was reminded how lucky I am to love and co-parent with Adam.

This Easter was pretty low key. We went to a city-wide Easter egg hunt. Our first and most likely last. Although it was festive and cute, I didn't think about the amount of crappy candy that would end up in my kids' nature baskets.

Sunday morning the kids woke up very excited to see what the root children brought. They were thrilled with a few small toys and a few pieces of yummy candy from new leaf.

It was pretty cool to watch them play so creatively with both the castle and doll house and their new figures.

I am very happy to say that Charlie is slowly but surely moving away from super heroes and into the whole world of dragons, knights, and kings.

After hours of playing nicely together (finally!), we remembered we had to dye some eggs. I had been wanting to try to do it naturally using veggies and spices, and sure enough I had cabbage to make blue eggs and tumeric and cumin to make yellow eggs. It was fun, funky, easy, cheaper, and more natural than using crazy dyes. I am sold, and look forward to future years when I can get really creative!

Later on we headed to my parents for a nice diner with the Wilsons. It was fun coming over for dinner, it felt different than when we were living there. The kids were perfect all evening. We ended our gathering with an Easter egg hunt out front...since there were 4 dogs racing around the backyard. Feeling overwhelmed with the amount of horrible candy my kids ate on Saturday I hid our hard boiled eggs, a few "good" lollipops, and some plastic eggs filled with delicous (yet pricey) acacia and blueberry gummy bears.

I really didn't capture the excitement that well. But Kate was so cute. Everything she found she would say something like: "That swilly, who put that there" and once she got back inside she devoured her lollipops only taking a break to eat one hard boiled egg.

I look back on the spring 3 years ago when Kate was born. I remember vividly what it was like to have baby Kate in my ergo and play with Charlie in the sun. I remember gardening, walks, trips to the park, zoo, beach. I envision the same thing this spring. Soon I will have my final baby in my arms, my body somewhat back to myself, and lots of nature to explore with my wonderful kids.

Happy Spring.

Early Morning Hnaging Out

I am very proud (and surprised) to announce that both kids have become fantastic sleepers. We have made the choice all along to help guide them to sleep. We have slept with them for years (which we both loved doing), we have always laid with them to help them fall asleep, and have never let them cry in the middle of the night upon waking. Sure we didn't get 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep, but we never expected that. When we moved to our new house we finally got bunk beds and it truly has been an easy transition having the kids sleep in the same room, fall asleep alone and peacefully, and stay asleep (mostly) all. night. long. And I am so proud. They have such a healthy view of sleep, the cuddle up in their cozy beds and welcome sleep.
Just two nights ago I heard Kate talking (she sings, talks, and even cries in her sleep) and I raced in there. Apparently she was asleep and woke up when I came in and said, "Mommy go back to your own bed." and then the same night at 6:06 am she woke up and called me. It was still dark in their room (thanks Pam for the curtains) and she said in a super cute sleepy voice, "Mommy my toe itch." So I had to find the right toe and inch away until she was content. Then she said, "Night night" and fell back asleep until 7.
Most nights the kids are sleeping a solid 11 hours, and about 3 days a week Kate takes a good hour long nap in the car. They have been sleeping until about 7, which I consider sleeping in! But on days like today when they both are finished sleeping by 6:30, I am called upon to entertain immediately.
Some mornings we have read books, played memory, and built our marble run and it isn't even 7:30. I have found that we have the smoothest mornings when I pay full attention to them first thing in the morning.
Here are some pics of early morning play:

Charlie dreams to be a workerman when he grows up and can often be found sporting this outfit...at 6:30 am....

His assistant, Kate is just as cute but not quite as serious about the profession

I think they make a cute team....albeit a little bit silly, but adorable

Both kids love reading, but Kate is a complete bookworm. She reads all day long.

By 9 they have usually had a snack and two breakfasts, have played everything possible inside and have gotten dressed and started to adventure outside. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE having a front and backyard with a gate and deck.

The things they say...that I remember

We were driving over hwy 1 about a week ago and Charlie in all sincerity said:

"Mommy, will I ever be a tree?"

While playing games on the carpet the other day a huge grin erupted across Charlie's face:

"I don't even need a sharp knife, I can just use this toenail."

Yesterday while Char was at nursery school Kate was playing very quietly in the playroom.

Me: "Kate.....are you being bad?"

Kate: "Yes....to the biznoan"

Yesterday Kate and I were playing a game of animal bingo: Kate picks a turtle card out of the bag:

Kate (looking so incredibly sweet and freckly) "Oh turtles. I love turtles...a lot."

Me: "Me too, I used to have one."

Kate (cocking her head to one side and looking half surprised and half confused) "Really?"

Me: "Yes, when I was little. I had a turtle."

Kate: "Oh. In the backyard?"

Me: "Yes, actually he was in the backyard." (omitting the part that I actually lost him in our backyard and never saw him again.

Kate: "Hmmmm. I have a turtle in my backyard too.....in my dreams"

At which point I started a serious laughing fit that last for at least 5 or 10 minutes. We were both hysterical. I don't know if Kate understood why it was so cute and funny, but she laughed whole-heartedly right next to me. And it made a very difficult day so much better. In fact that moment was the highlight of my day.

This is how I am doing

Everywhere I go people ask how I am doing. At the store, schools I work at, friends, strangers, family members. I love the community I live in. I love that people truly care about me. I smile and say good, and lately those that know me best chuckle and say, "I don't believe you".
The truth is I feel so many things.
I feel incredibly excited to meet our little baby. To hold, snuggle, juggle, nurse a new being.
I feel anxious about the birth, more so than the last two times. I guess I know what I am getting into, very long labors with posterior babies and a very stubborn attitude that fights pain meds until I can't stand it any longer.
I feel overwhelmed, overworked, all the while with less energy and motivation than ever.
I feel pressure to tutor and teach as much as possible in the next 6 weeks so I can take a few months off and not spend it worrying about money.
I feel a bit nervous that I will go into labor soon and let down the students I have worked so hard with all year long.
I feel worried about how my parents and Adam will be able to take care of 3 kids including a newborn when I start working again in the fall.
Oddly, I don't worry how I will cope with two busy kids and a baby. That seems fairly easy compared to being pregnant, working, and being a mom.
The baby is very low and I am feeling like I may not make it to 40 weeks. I hope I am wrong, but it feels different this time. Of course the baby would be fine to be born even today, but I don't know where my newborn clothes are. They aren't washed or organized, no diapers are ready. I am not ready. And that nesting thing that other moms talk about, I don't have it and don't see it coming to me.
I feel emotional, irritable, and less patient than ever. And yet I have these children that constantly want to play games, go for walks, go to the harbor, eat, eat, eat, eat.
And I have a chest cold that is painful and annoying. And every time I cough my hernia acts up.
So there it is. This is how I am feeling most every second all day long.
Thankfully the thing I feel most is very in love with this baby that never stops moving inside of me. I don't know the gender or the name, but those details are insignificant. This baby is loved by all of us already. And one very big thing that helps me get through these last few months is the anticipation of meeting the baby face to face. Of bringing the itty bitty to my chest, giving him/her my first kiss...of watching Charlie and Kate interact, of watching him/her sleep on Adam's chest. Those are the visions that make all these other feelings easier to deal with.
Once in a while I remind myself to embrace it, own it. This time is so short, the time a mother grows a child. And before you know it I will be raising another sweet, creative, wonderful child. So it is worth it, just felt the urge to answer the question I get day after day in a more truthful manner.
It could be said that I am a bit of a mess on the inside. I hold it together. My kids eat healthy homemade food, they spend hours outside running around. I get them to swimming, preschool, playdates. I tutor and teach mostly with a smile on my face. But truthfully on the inside I am frazzled, spread too thin, less stable and strong than ever. Somehow I feel like giving birth and having a baby on the outside will help me slow down. My days won't be so divided between work and family. My day will be dedicated to my children. That sounds divine.