Yesterday...

All my troubles seemed so far away, now it seems as though there here to stay..

oh sorry got carried away on beetles...

So yesterday, I wanted to post this in the moment, when all of my memories, excitement and frustations were fresh, but after 15 long hours of parenting, i collapsed in a heap of defeat and fell asleep.

As I layed there last night trying for 2 hours to get my normally very easily put to sleep baby to sleep I felt so sad about the day. Of course I was thrilled on a huge level about the end of a horrible 8 years.... 8 years that led to two costly, injust wars, a struggling economy, failed schools, a city under water, and i could go on and on and on....I was deeply touched to watch with my mom and Charlie Obama become our first Africa-American pres, and felt so proud that I was on the right side of history as far as supporting him in this whole messy election process.

But as far as my day as a mother of two young children, it was hard. I felt tired, and frustrated, and a bit like a failure, so as i laid there and tried to nurse to sleep my sweet kate for the millionth time I thought about what was good about my day and what was bad, and as i made this mental list I realized just like I used to realize all the time as a teacher, that the good way out weighed the bad. Here was my list.

What was hard about my day:

1. Charlie and Chloe fought over a bowling ball at playgroup, there were two balls so in my rational mind this shouldn't have been a problem...but they both wanted the red one. I never know exactly how to handle it. who had it first? I dont know. who took it away? I don't know.

2. Charlie got tangled up with two other little girls at playgroup and ended up somehow kicking one of them in the stomach. He has never done anything like it, and I was really upset.

3. Adam played tennis before and after work, which meant I was pretty much the sole parent from 7 am until 745 pm, and he couldn't come home for lunch.....

4.Charlie hit the baby a few times.

5. I had to do dinner, bath, and bedtime alone.

6. while charlie fell asleep in 20 minutes, I had this stupid idea that on this very day after months I would put kate in her crib for at least a little bit. after 3 failed attempts, she decided her 6 minutes of sleep meant she could play for 2 more hours.

What was great about my day:

1. I had a fun morning in the playroom with both kids.

2. they both ate eggs and oatmeal for bf

3. kate took a 45 minute morning nap, and we managed to go to playgroup

4. Charlie walked with me to playgroup and back

5. Charlie played very well for 1 hour and 20 minutes of playgroup

6. Both kids ate a healthy hearty lunch

7. we all took a 2 hour nap together

8. charlie played with mama for an hour while I took a great long walk to bank and bookstore with kids

9. I managed to feed both kids dinner, play, give bath, read stories, and get one kid asleep on my own.

10. We have a new president who I respect, trust, admire, and think is adorable.

11. we no longer have a president who lies, cant put a sentence together, and got us into two horrible wars where innocent people die daily.

so as you can see after going thru my list i realized, damn sarah that was a good day.

xmas chaos

It is 7 am and the kids are still asleep. UNHEARD OF, REALLY! This will only last another minute I am sure, and as a disclaimer I must add that the baby was up about 12 times last night nursing and flopping around, and that charlie cried for mommy (while in daddy's arms) from 4-5 and then fell back asleep. So although it is a wonderful feeling to wake up on my own and watch the sunrise in peace, just know I never really slept last night.

 So xmas and hannakuh (what kind of jew am i, cant even spell the word right) were really fun this year. Charlie loves getting presents, almost as much as I love getting cool new toys (hey I play with those cars just as much as the kids), and it was so peaceful and nice to have lights and decorations up.....As always it was fun to have family around. We made more of an effort to celebrate hannukah this year, I think we lit the candles twice, and actually hid some of the chocolate money for charlie. We also went to our third annual hannukah party at a close family friends house, and that was great.

Finally to finish off our week long celebration and present-giving party we headed to the underwoods, a very cozy, welcoming home....

This year we crammed 8 adults and 5 children under 4 into a nice 3 bedroom home. Half of us were sick, and at all times someone's child was crying...but the great part was we were all

 in it together. I didn't once worry about one of my kids having a meltdown (they were both pretty sick) because just over my shoulder one of my nieces and nephews was also upset. We were all in it together.  

Here are some pics:

Our attempt to get all 5 kids 4 and under to take one pic together, and be happy ended up like this:

Kate got to play with her little cousin Olivia, a happy little baby!

This is how it felt to be sick on xmas:

 Having two young sick kids was hard on mom, the only way they were only happy when in mom's arms

Kate loved watching Jackson

At the Underwood's Charlie enjoyed his first ever real sundae...and hasn't stopped talking about ice mitch ever since

Kate enoyed all of her great gifts!

Charlie wasn't so sure about his santa present, even now he just likes to look at it and let us know that it is HIS bike, but he still won't really try to ride it. all with good time, I am sure!

At Underwood house Kate was constantly trying to play with Blake, she was a bit of a bully and he was very timid and sweet about her grabbing and tackles.

Happy Baby fake xmas morning:

At the Berkowitz house Kate LOVED climbing around the presents:

us and how we feel

Right now is a rare moment and I thought I would capture it before it has passed. Charlie is napping in his room and the baby is playing nicely by herself, without a big brother to worry about. She is actually very content banging a wooden block on the hardwood floor. It is rare that I have a moment to myself because up until now I am either fully engaged with the children or laying down during the sacred family nap time. If you read my last post you would know that naptimes have changed around here and I am proud to say today was the first peaceful nap time in a while. Kate skipped her morning nap (which is happening a lot because we are out and about and there is just too much for her to explore) and so she fell asleep on the way home and caught a forty minute nap in her carseat. Charlie ate an enormous about of food (and entire boca burger wrapped in a cheese quesadilla along with an entire banana drenched in peanut butter- i have learned not to take bites from his food as he can easily finish it himself and gets rather upset when I eat it all up "no mommy, that is my black bean burger" I was able to pass of K to my mom for 25 minutes and got charlie down for his nap. No crying, No yelling, No anything but reading and snuggles and sleep. Of course he will probably sleep 2 hours instead of the 3 he would sleep if I was with him, and the baby may or may not get another nap, and of course I will not get one....but I am still thankful for this quiet time.

What I have been thinking a lot about lately is how settled and happy I am in Half Moon Bay. It is beautiful here, calm, and welcoming. I am meeting new friends with young children all the time and enjoy hanging out, getting to know each other, and sharing our parenting experiences with each other. I couldn't imagine not having my parents so close by (and by close by I mean downstairs) I enjoy my dad's company as he eats his lunch or makes his morning coffee, I am very appreciative that Charlie spends around 30 minutes each morning with mama (grandma) and frequently use their help for things like showers. It is also so great to hear my mom say positive things daily about my children and my parenting. I model most of how I parent after the way I was raised and every few weeks I sit on her couch crying about something that went wrong or not as planned.

I have been thinking a lot about going back to work. I miss my professional outlet, teaching, working with kids....and such. I would love some extra money because even though we are getting by, we are no where near having money for a down payment on a house.

But I love being home. I love the challenge of cooking, cleaning, and so forth while also keeping two young kids happy, engaged, and outside. I love that each day is my own, to take a walk, go to the park, the discovery museum, a friend's house, music class, whatever it is we decide. I love that adam is home by 5 and can take time out of his day (sometimes) to help.

anyway, I just thought I would write a boring post about me and where i am these days, hoping your weather is as gorgeous as mine!

Nap time struggles

This pic is not flattering of me, but let's be honest I don't aim to flatter in this blog:

Ahh so many thoughts but so little time. Nap time is hard here. I worked hard since kate was born to really get them on the same routine which is  basically play inside until 9:30, play outside until 11:30, lunch and then family nap. Family nap means we are all in one bed for around 3 hours. We read, baby nurses, and then somehow we all fall asleep, and we all wake up refreshed, and ready to go! The house doesn't get cleaned, the laundry doesn't get washed, and dinner does not get prepped, but at least we are all rested. Somehow I find time throughout the day to do everything else, with of course help.

lately with charlie's expanded vocab and Kate's growing interest in her world nap time has been challenging. They both still need naps, that much we know. Once asleep, Charlie is usually out for 1.5 hours to 2.5 hours, the baby closer to 3.

Here is what happens. 

Baby may take a later morning nap and not be ready for nap when charlie is. Problem 1. Do you leave the baby unattended while putting down your toddler, or do you take your wide awake and noisy  baby into charlie's room and pray that charlie falls asleep despite babys attempts to wake him?        

Problem 2. Charlie decides he doesn't want to nap, I wake, I play, I no want to nap. Um, ok. yeh but you are exhausted, I am exhausted, and I don't think I can be the kind of mom I want to be and try to be from 5am till 8pm with NO BREAK AT ALL. In this situation I either A. continually lie him back down while he kicks and screams (usually falls asleep after three attempts to escape), or say screw it and let him get up and play  (in this situation he usually overcomes exhaustion and plays rather happily for hours before collapsing in sheer exhaustion around 630-700, not so bad but then I am up and playing by 5 the next morning, not so cool.

Problem 3. Charlie is just about to fall asleep when baby in the other room wakes up crying...go grab baby bring her to you, before you know it charlie and baby are giggling and crawling all over mom who is pissed, tired, and disappointed, but also deep down inside happy her children love each other so much.

Problem 4. You have a great morning tiring everyone out, your children fall asleep peacefully next to you while reading, and you can't sleep, don't have your book, don't have your computer and have no idea what you should do for dinner. In this situation I think, a lot. Make lists in my head, run budgets, daydream about teaching again.....

To those of you who aren't moms, this post is boring, i am sure. For those of you who only have one child...i would say figuring out how to cater to each individual child's sleeping needs has been the biggest challenge, especially if both your kids are still napping and you are a non-CIO non-crip family. To those parents that have to work reading this, know that your wife/husband/nanny works hard to make sure everyone is fully rested and happy when get home from work

11 months

Little Kate is quickly approaching a year old, which is crazy to think about. I think Adam and I should get something big for ourselves, something that says, YOU DID IT. you managed to keep two young kids healthy, happy, well-fed, well-loved, for a full year. You survived the first year of adjusting to being a family of 4 ( or 5 if you count lily, which you should). And you managed to do it with a smile on your faces, most of the time. Don't get me wrong there have been plenty of tears from my side, but all in all it has been the best year of my life.

Here is what little kate is up to these days:

1. She has 4 signs. Food, More, Milk, and Dog. She is a quick study and we are adding new signs daily. 

2. Although she didn't start eating solids until after 9 months she eats everything we put in front of her, following after her brother.

3. She stands up in the middle of the room (has been doing this for almost 2 months) and is getting more and more steady by the day. It may be a few more months before she is walking, we just don't know since her brother didn't start walking till somewhere around 14 months.

4. She adores her brother, and even though we are back to daily smacks across the face, toy robberies, and complete knock-downs, her love for her brother grows everyday. They play chase around the island, look at the window together, and love to play in the tent together.

5. She loves to climb on everything, and don't tell my dad but the other day I found her sitting on top of the brand new dish washer door, didn't have time to grab the camera, I was afraid that she might break it.

6. She loves to hide in small places, and often needs help getting back out.

7. She still spends a small part of everyday on my back, although I have started to phase out the napping on my back, I started to question whether the 22 pound baby was causing some of the lower back pain. But as you can see for hikes, cooki

ng, or playing softball the back carry comes in handy.

8. She loves to show us how big the baby is..

9. Her favorite new trick is the scrunchy face, and this face melts her dad's heart. They created it together and now everytime she sees his face she immediately makes this face:

She has so much personality, she is curious, focused, silly, and smart. When a toy is taken away from here she throws her little body on the ground and headbutts the floor (which often causes more tears since we have hardwood floors- ok maybe she isn't that smart...but she sure is cute!

=

this is my everyday dialogue with a two year old..

Every stage has been my favorite stage so far with Charlie. At first the little butter ball asleep on my chest was my favorite. Then the kicky squirmy guy playing discovering his hands for the first time. The rolly polly pudgy bulldog baby that loved to suck on his toes. The adventurous super fast crawling, that graduated into the crazy fast smegel crawl....to the walking, signing, super expressive, and obsessed with tennis toddler, to the 2.5 year old. His language has been steadily increasing since about 18 months, with a major explosion the past 4 months. He frequently talks in complex sentences and simply changes his tone to show us whether his sentence is a question, statement, command, and so forth.....

Here are some examples of the smiles he brings everyday:

1. Today after trying to take our usual family nap for over an hour, and no kids sleeping I got out of our bed and stated, that is it, no nap today, lets play.....about 30 minutes later Charlie came up to me and said..."mommy, you no nap?"

Me: No charlie, how can I nap if you and the baby are wide awake?"

Char: Oh, yeh thats right. mommy nap charlie, now?

Me: No charlie you missed that boat (meaning to say, your ship has sailed)

Char: walks over to pa in the kitchen, looks up at him so innocently and says, "missed my boat. where my boat go?

2. Upon driving past the reservoir in san mateo charlie says:

Char: What that mommy?

Me: That is a lake, sort of

Char: A Lake? Charlie swim in it?

Me: No, honey people can't swim in there.

Char: I go swim class, I can swim there

Me: Well, honey I know you go to swim class, you are a good swimmer (actually ever since you got his toes caught in the vent you have been a wimp about everything) But that is our drinking water.

Char: with the most amazed look ever, "we drink that water?"

Me: Yes charlie, we do.

3.

Char: Mommy?

Me: Yes charlie.

Char: where did the sun go

Me; It is up there honey, behind the clouds

Char: Behind the clouds? Why Not 

Me: sometimes the clouds block the sun, but the sun is still there

Char: Oh

4. this happens everyday all day

Charlie: Mommy, what that truck doing

Me: Um, I don't know, probably driving to work or back home.

Char: mommy, where that guy going?

Me: To the circus ( after the 100th time I start coming up with somewhat creative answers to humor myself)

Char; What circus

Me: SHIT

5. Charlie was going to the park with one of Kate's friends and all of us (my mom, me, and adam) gave char and this friend about a million safety tips. Finally as char was putting on his shoes I said

Me: Most importantly Char HAVE FUN.

Charlie: I'll try

6. While at an indoor play space this week charlie fell in love with a melissa and doug construction workers clothes outfit. He HAD TO HAVE IT and screamed so. 

Me: Wow, Charlie that looks neat, maybe for your bday,

Char: I want it NOW

Me: It costs forty dollars, I dont have forty dollars

Char: I have dollars.....(at which point at cracked up, where did this kid come from, in this day in time are we supposed to start giving allowance at 2?

After going back home I told my mom this entire story. Charlie of course overheard and runs up to me

Char: I have money in my bank (and then points to his owl piggy bank that our friends amy and corin got him from guatemala

Just last night I couldn't fall asleep because I was thinking of all the funny things that he said, but today of course I can't even remember them...but he picks up phrases that adam and I say all the time and they are adorable coming from this little man.

things like:

OH MAN

Whatcha got there?

Oh yeh, that's right!

Is that beer, daddy?

It is fun! 

2008 in review

I can't believe it is 2009 already, like everybody I know this year flew by. It was a wonderful year, a challenging year, and exhausting year....a year full of adjustment. I have learned to be flexible, and resilient. I have focused on my children and my home in a bigger way than I ever thought possible. I have built friendships with amazing mothers here in town, while also continuing to foster older friendships. I have watched my mom battle being sick, and spent a few weeks fearing the worst. I have missed my sister time and time again as she travelled across the world, and throughout California. I have watched Charlie blossom into the most amazing, sweet, smart, and curious little man that he is.

And perhaps biggest of it all...

I have welcomed my daughter into the world...which created the single biggest change in my life. Being a mother of two.

I have tested my patience. I have changed more diapers, spent more hours carrying a child in a sling or ergo,  spent more time nestled in bed between two babies, and nursed in the more creative positions, than I ever thought possible.

I have cried a lot. I have laughed a lot, and I have learned a lot.

I moved once again. I think this is our fifth move as a family. 

For the first time since I was 12 I have not worked for a complete year. This time last year I gave up my wonderful job working with a non profit community group in Pescadero and became a full-time mom and housewife. And ya know it is soooo much harder than any job I have ever had, even harder than the shit picker upper I was at the vet when I was in hs. I worked 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And just in the past few months have I learned that while being at home with my kids is the single most important thing I could ever do for my family, I need to take care of myself too, so I started working out regularly at FIT (LOVE IT THERE), and have recently in the past month been leaving adam with the bedtime responsibilities of two young children about 2 times a month for some much needed moms' bonding time.

So 2009 here we come. We look forward to our children getting a year older together, Kate walking and signing and talking and playing with Charlie. We eagerly await the first time Kate tackles Charlie as payback for all the footballs gone astray, knock downs, toy take aways, and straight up slaps across her big bald head.

We can't wait until we can confidentally leave both of our children home with a member of our family and for the first time in  a year truly enjoy a dinner alone together.

We can't wait for a new president and new administration. We hope 2009 brings the end to two wars and the beginning of peace!