the art of early rising

The art of early rising. It truly is an art to wake up morning after morning when it is still dark and begin your day. Hours before you should. Especially when your day ended late and there were a few interupptions during your night. 

I have come to enjoy the early morning. I see the sun rise, hear the birds wake up, feel the cold air slightly warm, and most importantly watch my son start another day full of energy, life and sometimes crankiness.

You have to prepare yourself. It is an ongoing thing.

Upon first waking up (which is normally between 4 and 6) I get that giddy feeling I had growing up and while in college. I think it is rooted in the fact that until I started having kids waking up when it is still dark out meant I was going somewhere....skiing, camping, travelling, backpacking...somewhere distant and exciting. Do you remember that feeling? You probably still get to live it.

These days my trips are much shorter, like down the hall into Charlie's room. The giddy feeling only lasts a moment before reality sets in.

Then the storm hits. Charlie wants me to snuggle in HIS bed (shouldn't have moved him out of ours...right?) the baby feels deserted that I left her alone in my bed.....and decisions have to be made quickly. Adam being super dad tries to quietly soothe the baby while I help charlie transition from sleep world to wake world. But without my stellar smell and lactating breasts, it only lasts minutes. 

This is the pivotal point. I have to stay calm and practice condifence as I bring a the baby into charlies room and settle down between two babies in one small bed...on the floor.

Once we get past these first few minutes of chaos....things settle into place. Nurse baby down. give baby back to dad. And Charlie and I start our routine.

Here are some tips to the art of early rising:

1. First things first: Make a big ass cup of strong coffee...filled to the brim. Is there anything better than that...at 5 in the am? NO!

2. Surrender to the first few hours, who knows if charlie will entertain himself or I will spend 2-3 hours playing puzzles, cars, and making pretend food.

3. take advantage of the times where charlie is playing independently to surf internet, email and blog....a true tip to early rising....

4. Take the 5 minutes to clean the kitchen. Clean counters and an empty sink create true peace in a house.

5. Look outside frequently and notice the little change in your natural surroundings.

6. Know that by the time everyone else is waking up and starting their day you have already done so much!

Too cute, and a peak at what lies ahead

So, yes we have had a challenging few weeks. Between Charlie being very sick, my mom hospitalized, the whole family getting a nasty virus, to my mom being hospitalized once again, it has been a bit challenging to say the least. 

But during that time of sickness I have been a witness to many adorable things.

First of all the baby is growing and changing everyday. She is rolling onto her side and grasping and playing with toys. She smiles, coos, and laughs throughout the day. Her favorite person in the world is her brother. Just last night she was upset and charlie started to try to cheer her up. He looked at her and started laughing, loo and behold she started to laugh right back at him. The laughing back and forth between my two children was priceless.

Charlie has quite the sense of humor as well. His new silly thing he likes to do is grab the babies little hand wave it at me and say HIIIII MOMMY, and then he giggles. He also likes to make crazy faces, dance, jump, and just be silly.

He is also counting to five officially now. While on the phone with Julia the other night he was throwing pasta at lilly: Woon, Dou, Weee, FOOOOR, FIIIIVE, one at a time laughing in between each throw. Some moms might be unhappy about food being chucked around our living room, I was proud for three reasons: 1. He has developed strong number sense 2. He cares a lot about animals to keep them from starving (have you seen our starving dog as of late) 3. He has a wicked arm that I believe will help us pay for college.

This morning while making a cup of jo, I looked over at the kids and saw charlie fully engaged in a conversation with the baby. He was asking her if she wanted a toy, then he asked her if she wanted to get out of the swing. I guess he took a smile and coo as a yes, because next thing you know he was trying his hardest to lift her out of the swing. I got there just in time.

Charlie also likes  to sit on his sister, good thing she is a brut and he is skinny melink.

He likes to kiss her, pat her back, and hug her too. He is also very protective of her when other toddlers want to see her.

They will be best of friends in no time I am sure of that. I cherish my relationship with my brother and sister and look forward to creating a home where my son and daughter will cherish each other as well.

Another day at the job

I worked 15 hours and 20 minutes straight yesterday. Not one lunch break or second to myself. Really. This is coming off of 4 days of straight vomiting for every member of my family..first char, then me, then adam, then the baby (lilly didnt catch it). This is coming off of 5 sleepless nights. sleepless nights, I say. My day started at precisely 6:07 (this is considered sleeping in for choo), and I finally laid down at 9:11 pm and got the baby finally to sleep (for the first freaking time all day) 9:27. I fell asleep at 9:30 wondering if I was cut out to mother two under two. As if that wasn't hard enough my mom is back in the hospital, hopefully for a shorter stay this time around.

Some saying being a stay-at-home mom isn't really work. I beg to differ. Sure, I got to walk to the park, laugh with my son, smile at my cooing daughter, even witness her first series of belly laughter but I also: (those of you that know my hippie side from hs and college will be surprised and impressed at my homemaker ways)

1. made breakfast for my whole family (for charlie this means, toast, eggs, oatmeal)

2. did 8 loads of laundry including washing the sheets of both beds (should I remind you of the vomiting)

3. cleaned up the entire house including our bedroom (major feat...still not complete), both bathrooms and the kitchen

4. walked both kids to the park, baby in ergo, charlie in stroller, played at the park, and walked back with charlie in ergo baby in stroller

5. made lunch for everyone.

6. nursed the baby, and cleaned up her vomit immediately upon completion of nursing. (5 times)

7. Changed countless diapers

8. Made my first green smoothie (fruit with spinach) and watched my son devour his and finish mine.

9. clean the kitchen again, and vacuum

10. closely monitor charlie playing with the baby

11. put charlie down for a nap

12. tried to make a sick baby happy 

13. made minestrone...

14. talked to a new tutoring prospect's parent

15. played with charlie and kate

16. took lilly out for a walk

17. made a salad and minestrone soup, and then like 5 other mini-meals for charlie to eat

18. tried to put charlie down to sleep..only to have to walk away because baby was soo tired she needed her mommy, 

19. dealt with both children screaming and crying for me for over an hour, until the baby was calm again, and charlie was ok with daddy putting him to sleep.

That is a lot in one day. Usually I get a break when the baby sleeps, but since she is still a wee bit sick I never got that break. I laid down tired and defeated daydreaming about a trip alone or even with adam to a distant land, I would only need a day alone....

oh, and charlie started his day this morning at 4 after going to bed last night at 9...here we go again.

da and pa

Part 1: paI finally figured out how to post video, so watch out, here comes my delightful and full of life kids. These post is dedicated to two of the most important men in my son's life (outside of his daddy), my brother Josh (da) and my dad, Joe (pa)

charlie at six weeks

Most of you know my dad, and for those of you who don't know him too well, his speech at my wedding was a good glimpse into the man my father is: thoughtful, funny, compassionate, wise, at times wordy (do you know a berkowitz who isnt wordy?), and above all a man who LOVES and ADORES his family. As a child he took me to A's games, Warrior games, wwf matches, yes you heard me wwf matches, and came on many of my field trips. I have fond memories of my dad picking me up from school on Friday and taking me and my friend Jackie to the movies. He was the coach of my little league team, and even though he "forgot" to play me on my last game ever, was an excellent coach. I have nothing but wonderful memories of my father growing up, and it really is no surprise at all to see what an amazingly fun, loving, and devoted grandfather he is.

Here is a list of why Charlie LOVES pa and how he shows it:

1. If you watched the video on top you will see Charlie's famous dance move, it is the arm swinging to each side move. At my parent's house in Edie's room (yes every spare room has a Berkowitz friends' name attached to it) is my dad's record player. It is in that room that my dad and charlie, or Big Kate and Charlie would rock out to music. This was during the time when Charlie was exploding with signs and he developed his own sign for music. He would run into that room and do his arm swinging and we would know he wanted to dance, but we couldn't figure out where the move came from, until one day I came to my parents' house to pick up Charlie and got a view of my dad dancing, sure enough Charlie got his dance move and music sign from my dad.

2. My dad takes charlie out back most days for sports practice. They run track, race lawn mowers, kicks soccer balls, hit ball of the tee, play catch with their football, and most recently garden.

3. The first thing Charlie does when we walk into my parents house is run all around screaming, have you heard my kid scream?, screaming PAAAAAAAA. When we tell him he is in his room napping, charlie walks right up to the room and knocks on the door...Paaaa

4. They go for walks, go to the park, and just today ran track at cunha school.

5. Pa teaches charlie things like: YEAYAW, something charlie now says when he is excited or ready to do something fun.

6. Even though my dad is the best pa out there he is a little slow when it comes to learning Charlie's signs. I understand. Charlie has only been signing for...what is it now.....about a year. A few months ago my dad came in from playing with Char outside and said to my mom, he always does this (acts out the ball sign) and then gets the ball, what does that sign mean......are you kidding? And then later on my dad says to me, every time I am putting on Charlie's shoes he hits his fists together, what does that mean..........not the brightest star in the sky.

7. Charlie follows my dad around the house like a little puppy. When my dad has tries to run up stairs to grab something he tells Charlie, I will be right back. He then opens the door and Charlie runs right past him...goin' wit ya pa

8. Charlie adores pa because pa enjoys every second with him. When I come upstairs to fetch charlie, or when I come back to my rents after tutoring this is what I see. I either see charlie on my moms lap reading or talking, or I see pa on the ground (he aint no spring chicken, so this alone is impressive) playing diligently with my son. Warms a mom's heart!

I will be the first to admit that it is taking a village to raise my children. I am not afraid to ask for help. We have had a really rough few days, and once again my dad has come to my rescue. First Charlie was really sick for 24 hours, then me and today the baby and Adam are struggling. 

When Charlie was sick, my dad came over for a few hours, brought ginger ale (which charlie who was never had anything other than milk and water, told me was yucky) and made jello. He stayed here helping me juggle the baby and a sick toddler because we were trying our hardest to keep them apart, a difficult task when you have a vomitting toddler who loves to hold and kiss his baby sis.

I know most blogs probably don't blog mostly about a selective family member but when I finally sit down to write, my stories are always filled with family members. I choose to settle down in good ole hmb because I wanted to raise my family by my family with my family. And I am thankful everyday of the support, time, love, and generosity my family demonstrates daily. It really does take a village to raise a child, and although we may never own a home, we will always have dear friends and lots of family close by that are able and happy to help at the drop of the hat.

ps. thanks julia for racing over that medicine for my horribly sick hubby. you are the best second mother a girl could ask for!

I AM SO FREAKING TIRED

Another sleepless night in hmb

I guess it goes with the territory. You finally get into bed, get both children to sleep and you lay there wondering what kind of night lays ahead. Earlier in the week Charlie slept three nights (once again count with me....woooo, duooo, weeee..charlies new numbers...a big improvement from duo, that, this...dont ya think?) three nights in a row all by himself. 10-11 hours straight. incredible we thought. Mothers shook their heads and laughed as I bragged that my nearly 2 year old was sleeping through the night. I was no fool, though. Like everything with parenting, and I mean everything, as soon as you figure something out it changes. I knew our nighttime parenting with Charlie wasn't over just yet, and boy was I right.

Two nights ago Charlie woke up every hour starting at 2 crying so hard and asking for me. After a few hours Adam and I switched, he took the baby and I went in with Charlie. Shortly there after the baby needed me, and I found myself once again caught between two little kids on a single mattress on the floor. 

Last night was even worse. I am not sure if Adam will be able to drag himself out of bed this morning, as we were both up most of the night with our dear charlie. Poor little dude was vomiting throughout the night, mostly laying on his back, choking on it and swallowing it again. This kid is so precious that everytime he was finished with his vomiting he would turn towards me with his eyes mostly closed and say, "all done"

Just now as I was making a very strong cup of Jo, think I'll need several today, Charlie vomited all over the carpet, finally getting up what he struggled with all night long. As I looked over I expected to see my little guy crying but instead he was looking up so innocently at me and said, "all done" and then ran to grab his vacuum.

Have I mentioned before how much I love this creative, loving, curious, ever so sweet little boy. He is full of life that even coming off of two sleepless nights I can't do anything but smile at him and enjoy his company.

She's been gone way too long

I cried last night, a nice good hard cry, probably lasted all of 9 minutes. It was the first time I really had the time to stop and cry alone. It started around 8 right after I somehow managed to get both kids to sleep at the same time in a very small bed on the floor. Baby Kate was nursing on my left, charlie was as close as he could be on my right, and with one hand I held a large Richard Scarry book and read it to Charlie despite the fact that the lights were already out and we couldn't really see the book. We pretty much know that book by heart.

I came out of Charlie's room, handed the baby to adam and finally got a moment to sit down to a nice bowl of hot veggie stew and a large glass of wine. I started to read a book, when it all of a sudden hit me that I got three letters from my sister in the mail. 

These aren't your ordinary I am fine How are you letters. These letters are magical, they are powerful poetic words that shed light on my sister's soul. They lift me up and fly me to the distant land where she resides. I can hear her voice and feel so close to what she is experiencing that I can almost reach out and touch her. I read one sentence and sniffed (I was eating spicy stew and my nose runs when I eat spicy stuff), and adam off in the corner smiles and rolls his eyes and says you are already crying? I thought, no way, why would I cry, this is heaven, my kids are asleep after a very long day, I have a great meal in front of me, endless wine, and three count them (Due, that this....charlies numbers) three letters from Kate.

Sure enough as I finished the second one the tears started flowing. This is the sentence that got me.

Every night I dream of you and Charlie. Its really true. And then I wake each day a world away.

And it hit me, and hit me hard. 

She is literally a world away. 

The person I have known almost my entire life. The girl I played with growing up. The one who used to have mom and dad buy her candy and then  turn around and sell it to me for twice the price. The girl who sat next to me at the dinner table and giggled until we drove my dad nuts. The woman who danced next to be at festivals, shows, and gatherings, and never laughed at my new and exciting moves. The creative one who was always finding and perfecting a new art. The one who watched my son for over a year, teaching him to dance, explore, yoga, blow feathers, run, and just be. The one who coached me through both pregnancies giving me massages and comfort and support. The women who stood by my side throughout both long births, always believing in me and my strength. She is a world away, and that hurts.

She comes back in...lets see in 15 days. The day charlie turns 23 months, and Kate almost 4. And I will cherish every moment I get to spend with her before she leaves for her next adventure.

Last night I dreamt about her all night long. I dreamt she was here for a few days, I dreamt that I flew to Vietnam to see the world she is living in right now, It felt so real. I showed her my new jeans and asked if they were too tight. She showed me all the beautiful goods she has collected through her travels. We played with my kids, it felt so real. It was real.

And then when I woke up this morning, she was a world away.

Adam's Rant

With both kids asleep, Adam gardening at my parents' house, and the house in somewhat decent shape I am able to post a new blog. There is a lot to write as my day is jammed packed with funny and trying moments, but I think the best thing to post at the moment is Adam's rant. This is a post that he wrote on a website. You know, when I was in college my friend amy and I made a list, yes another list, a list of all the qualities our future husbands' would have to have to be so lucky as to end up with one of us. My main things were: be a vegetarian, be super liberal and intelligent, be a great father, have a desire for traveling, hiking, outdoors stuff, and be a hippie. There was probably more to the list, but this is what I recall. Adam truly fits all of my criteria (and even recently became a vegetarian). He is so informed, intelligent, articulate, and is the most loving, devoted and playful parent. I am once again cutting and pasting to show off my husband's desire for a better world. It is long, but I assure you if you take the time to read it, you will be impressed and maybe even more educated.

"So here's the deal. I don't understand how anyone could look at the current state of our world and think things are honky dory. In this country and around the world people are hurting in ever growing numbers and no one seems to be doing anything about it.

We have a global food crisis where billions of people are on the brink or soon to be on the brink of starvation. Water supplies around the world are dwindling, which will only exacerbate the food shortage. Global warming, man made or not, will eviscerate much of our farming land and nothing is being done. Meanwhile, Americans are fat. We eat an enormous amount of mean, especially beef, the most energy intensive and ecologically disastrous kind of food, but we blame India and China for the problems.

Our economy is teetering. Many people are struggling to make ends meet. Most of our disposable income is paid on food, shelter, health care, and fuel with whatever else left over barely stretching to cover the rest, if at all. Americans and our country are in massive debt to the point where it is becoming impossible to ignore the writing on the wall that our country is in danger of becoming an ex-superpower. The solution from our government, a few hundred bucks to pay off a fraction of the debt most people have, not including their mortgages.

We continue to fight endless wars with ever-changing goals while our politicians continue to chant we are making "progress". I fail to see any such progress other than the continued weakening of our country and the countries we are occupying. Iraq is a mess, the Taliban are just as strong as they always were, Bin Laden is still free as a bird, our soldiers are dying in ever increasing numbers and we are getting ready to send another $170 Billion to the waste basket that these misadventures are. But we need to "stay the course"?

We seem to think it is more important to incarcerate people than to educate them. No Child Left Behid is a disaster and yet we still think we can educate our children through testing. Our teachers are treated like second-class citizens while our prisons swell. We now have the highest rates of incarceration in the world and our educational system continues to deteriorate. People are coming out of college have on average $20,000 in debt, forcing them into jobs as indentured-servants. Most of these jobs are temporary with no benefits or job security and we expect them to boost our economy by taking on more debt?

We somehow think it is okay for our government to spy on its citizens, to pass a national ID that will track everyone in this country through ever increasing technology. We used to shudder when totalitarian states required people to carry "papers" everywhere they went and show them on demand, but now we are going to do the same thing?

Torture is acceptable in the new US of A? We can waterboard, beat, maim, brutalize people without charge? Hold them indefinitely and ignore rights to habeas corpus? We know of many people who have died under such torture and yet we continue to defend these acts. We know that these heinous acts reveal nothing of importance and actually weaken our ability to fight the war on terror as any evidence gained by torture is unacceptable in any legitimate court of law. For example the "20th Hijacker" from 9-11 has recently been released and all charges dropped. Another failure of our government to bring real justice to the families of 9-11.

This country is looking more and more like a totalitarian state. Of course the rhetoric and propaganda pumped 24-7 by the talking-heads and spin miesters of the corporate-military-media-industrial complex would have you believe that we are still a glowing beacon of the hill, the greatest country to ever grace the earth with its presence and that if we all just keep the status quo going we will soon be back on top of it all. Many of us know differently and more and more people are beginning to wake up to the face that there are some major, fundamental problems in this country that need to be addressed quickly if we are going to maintain the kind of nation we have become used to.

Action is needed and simply voting in a new president is not going to do it. We need to change our lifestyles, or philosophies and our governmental institutions drastically in order to right this ship. It is well within our power to do so if we unite on a local level and demand and effect the change in our community and personal lives so that we can bring about the global change that is needed. Decentralized solutions are the key to the future. Many people are on board and I urge everyone to take stock of what you can do to be a part of the solution and to no longer be a part of the problem.

So that's the deal and the end of my rant. Thanks for reading, if you did, and thanks to those who will rip me apart as well!

My sweetest daughter

Here goes.

I look into my daughter's deep blue eyes and see myself. I see 

innocence (not that I am innocent by any stretch of the imagination). I see beauty. I see this little being learning to exist in a sometimes confusing and harsh world.

When I look into my daughters big blue eyes I see a calmness so rich 

and soothing. I see a little... just being.

it was exactly a year ago that I peed on that little stick and found

 out that i was once again pregnant. i had a wedding to go to t

he next day and i had this feeling that maybe my body was starting to make another being again, and i didn't want to drink if that was the case. the honest truth is i had been thinking about having another child, watching her/him grow inside me once more for a few months now. crazy, right? it could happen to you. charlie was 6 months when these strange thoughts starting creeping into my mind.

i love you so much charlie, you bring a sense of adven

ture and this enormous amount of personal reflection into my life why wouldn't i want to do it again (mind you this is a 6 month old charlie, the cuddly, still sleeping somewhat well, immobile charlie. he isnt the walking, talking, waking up every 45 minutes charlie he grew into once his sister was here.

and although i probably mentioned it to adam every day, this powerful draw to get preg

nant again, we honestly weren't trying. lets be honest peops, i am fertile, really fertile.

so when i found out i was pregnant my first emotion was happiness, excitement, and basic glee.

but then it came crashing all down...how would i return to 

teaching? how would i manage two? would this take away from charlie? i cant do it, i dont want to it, and i feel like shit, like shit, like absolute too tired to think, tired of puking, i cant run after m

y son SHIT.

time passed, my mom coached me daily, reminding me that I will once again get energy, feel great, and no matter what I will move forward with my life, i always have.

so now I sit here. beer down by my feet, dinner all made and ready to eat. charlie and adam frolicking somewhere outside the way they always do after wor

k, 

and i glance at my baby next to me, my three month old baby, and nothing but complete harmony takes over. this is it. i think i have found balance even amidst an unbalanced, packed to the brim day.

she is so sweet. her chubby cheeks, double chin, little toes, grasping fingers, huge grin, huge grin, huge grin. her sweet blue eyes. they way she just discovered her arms and stairs at them moving them in front of her. the way she breaks out into th

biggest smile when she sees me, the way she grabs onto my breast with her little hand on nurses so softly. the way she fits up against my body for naps and nightime. the way she looks at her daddy, the best daddy ever.

and i love her with every ounce of my existence, we were made for each other. she brings me peace in a very unpeaceful world. she brings me a sense of quiet in a world where her brother never stops talking/screeching. she brings me a slow sense of being that I have only ever found into two places: traveling, and butano.

and she reminds me of my sister.

And this, my friends, is why I named my daughter after my sister.

Most of you know my sister, Kate. She is the most creative, sweet, generous, smart, free, wonderful person I know. She is my biggest fan, and I am hers. She has shown me how to truly just be myself. Growing up together I have witnessed her creativity, spontaneity, and passion for life. She has pushed me to explore my own musical and creative side (two areas that are not natural strengths to me) and I have greatly benefited from a lifetime of watching her grow, explore, and express herself. It seemed only obvious that I would name my daughter after her. And so when I received this email from Vietnam last night, I realized immediately that I would have to write a  blog about it to shows those of you that aren't as close to Kate why I named baby Kate after Little Kate. Hope this is ok to cut and paste, sis.

"I cannot wait to interact with charlie in all his new ways of expression and conversation. oh, this is funny. so, we have had a lot of experience, being travelers, with locals coming up to us and trying to sell us things. rides on cyclos, taxis, tuk tuks, motorbikes, food, clothes, bags, jewelery. mostly rides to places. its not constant, and some places are worse than others. so, basically the situation is that michelle is increasingly frustrated and irritated with the experience, and is finding it harder and harder to be nice or patient with it all. so, we decided to take things in a different direction. i learned how to say "my friend is deaf" in vietnamese. when someone comes up to us,  i say that,  sign something to michelle, she signs back, and the person selling looks on with amazement and interest. so far, usually, they ask me questions and i translate for mich who signs back to me and it goes on. then when we walk away, mich and i continue to sign down the street. its been working perfectly because mich doesnt have to talk to anyone but me nor does she have to listen. basically she pretends not to hear nad so nothing is expected of her in response. 

and its entirely creative. i think of charlie throughout it all. i think he would understand our signs"

Is she not the cutest, most creative, funny, adorable little sis a person can ask for?

Another mother's day down, many more to go

This mother's day rocked. I am not one for getting all caught up in consumer type holidays, but I have to admit I love mother's day now that my whole life is about being a mother. I woke up at 6:15 mother's day (thanks charlie for not blessing me with your presence at 4:30 or 5) to Charlie's enthusiastic little feet pitter pattering down the hallway, yelling mommy mommy (this is how all my days begin). As I laid there in my own bed cuddling my baby Kate I immediately thought, yes today is mother's day and I love being amother. I make a lot of lists these days. I guess I always have, but now with my days long and full of chaos I am always making lists, to do lists, grocery lists, menu lists, activities I can do with two children lists. Most of them are in my head,but they keep a very unorganized girl like me, organized. So, naturally on Mother's day morning with the sweetest thing ever in my arms, and the most loving, curious, excited boy in the world racing to me I made yet another mental list, things I love about being a mother. here goes:

1. There is always someone (namely Kate and Charlie) that wants to play with me.

2. My days start with a smile and a hi, and ends with a smile, kiss and "night night" from Charlie.

3. I am NEVER bored.

4. I get to meet awesome mommy friends that like to go to the park, walk along the bluffs, and drink beers with me! 

5. I get to parent my children with the help, guidance and support of my own parents.

6.I get to embark upon the greatest adventure ever with a man whom I adore and love.

7. I get to talk and laugh about farts and poop with a toddler.

8. I get to nourish and soothe my nursling with my very own milk.

9. I get to bake "healthy" snacks for my toddler and eat most of them.

10. I get to be super silly most of the time.

11. I get to be a little child again and no one looks at me funny (well, I think)

12. There are two very small people in my life

 who love me completely for who and what I am

13. I can to make pretend oatmeal in our play kitchen (sorry adam for the mess that lingers two days later)

14. I get to dance like there is no tomorrow, and instead of getting laughed at...charlie laughs with me.

15. I get to spend a good part of my day at the park, in my parents' backyard, and discovering things along the bluffs.

16. I get to teach my children through example about compassion, respect, peace, and love.

I am sure there is more but I hate to bore you and I am ready to quickly (as if I can ever just say a few things) explain how much my mother's day rocked.

I started off mother's day by going to an 8 am zumba class where I shook my booty until I was red in the face and had sweat dripping off my face. After that I got to walk (which is a big event when you have a young child in tow) to McCoffees and get a coffee and bagel with Adam and the kids. Upon going to my parents house my mom hands me a wad (and I mean wad....) of cash and instructs me to go get a fancy pancy pair of jeans (my first ever non-old navy pair) while she and my father babysit Charlie. My dad took the time to develop a few cute pics of my kids and framed them for me, so sweet. Then my family all gathered and we drank, ate, watched the office and enjoyed each others company. Oh and as if that isn't enough adam got me three sessions with the chiro to help my oh so shitty back, something I would never do for myself.

So to sum it all up, I love being a mother and I loved mother's day. Oh yeh, and once again thanks mom for being my best friend, the best role model, and the most loving grandma.

Charlie's kisses

My son loves to kiss what can I say. He puckers up and nails you with a kiss whenever he feels like it or whenever you ask. Right now as I type this (yayyy charlie slept until 6:21) he is practicing his kissing moves on a big window, perfecting the tilt, the sound, the smoothness of it all. Last night he escaped from our bed ran to the tv ( we are house-sitting for my parents) and kissed the cnn reporter (most likely because he was so  excited about Obama dominating, time to drop out hillary...right?). He loves to kiss his sister all day long and while half of the great kisses are followed up by a swift slap to the face, we are proud our almost 2 year old son wants to kiss his sweet sister.

When he does throw something or hit, he follows it up by shaking his head and saying No while doing the pretend motion of hitting, then he puckers up and kisses the air while saying yehhhhh. sometimes he says gentle, which sounds more like daaadental and touches the air gentle. He is learning everyday how to treat others, and we are being patient but firm as he beats on us. One thing is for sure, he is a great kisser, and that is something no one can take away from him (does it work here Josh?)

You know you have a family bed when....

1. your children smell like your armpit

2. you wake up with your toddler's foot in your crotch (adam's complaint)

3. you wake up in the middle of the night with your baby on your right, lilly under your feet, and your toddler pushed up against your back (and you have no recollection of how the dog or your toddler made it into the bed) and your poor tall husband pushed all the way to the edge of the bed.

4.your baby is nursing on your right side and your son is soundly asleep on your face.

5. your toddler's messy hair tickles your nose

6. you wake up to find drool on your face that isn't yours.

7. Adam, the biggest member of our family, gets the smallest part of the bed.

8. little fingers grab at your lips throughout the night.

9. You toddler wakes up leaps onto your chest leans over towards the baby who is sound asleep and says, "HIIIIIII!"

10. you wake up in a puddle of urine 

11. your sons sleeps horizontally in between you and your husband, with his head on your head and his feet on your husband's head.

12. your toddler  "helps" you lift up your shirt and does the milk sign, nursing sound and says baby.

13. The first thing you see when you wake up is your son's huge smile and big curious eyes.

14. little toes tickle your belly

15. you sleep all night long in one position

16. You play musical beds throughout the night and wake up not knowing which room your in.

17. everyone is safe and sound and cozy all snuggled together! 

Monday Morning Blues

It is odd how people you don't even like can hurt you, don't ya think?

It is bizarre that certain people don't reach out to you when they know they should.

It is strange how you can be surrounded by so many great friends near and far and if one or two members of your family are far away, you can feel so lonely?

It is funny how most of the time you can love something so much, and the next wonder if it is really for you.

It is wierd that we try to get approval from those we don't approve of.

It sucks to wake up at 4:30 to a screaming and crying child.

It is hard to not have my mom here.

It is hard to think of my whole week as just me and the kids (until 5 of course).

It is also painful to feel engorged and have your sweet baby sound asleep and your toddler showing no interest in nursing.

It is sad to know that we continue to kill and destroy entire countries.

It is scary to think we may have another conservative in the white house.

It is lonely here without Kate.

It is a lot of things all the time, most wonderful and exciting, some sad and disappointing.

Is it worth it?

The cost of the Iraq and Afghanistan war:

Per month: 12.3 billion

Per week- 2.9 billion

Per day- 410 million

Per Hour- 17 million

Per minute- 284, 722

Per second- 4,745

I wonder what that could do to help less fortunate people pay for health care, housing, education.....

Most of that money is borrowed from China and other countries. So...my son and daughter and all the other little beautiful children of this country will pay off the debt of this war which is killing beautiful and innocent children in another land. Gotta love neo-conservative war-mongering, ethnocentric bastards.

Missing my Mom

My mom is my best friend. There is a reason I moved back to hmb to start a family, and there is a reason I plan to stay. Throughout my life my mom has been a constant source of companionship, strength, humor, love, and support. As a kid she was the most gentle, fun, loving, wonderful mom a kid could ask for. She treated me with the utmost respect and loved every part of me. She loved the part of me that decided at age 10 to stop eating animals. She loved the part of  me that organized a walk-out during high school and led a group of students on a march holding signs that said things like, "Bring Bud Back" She loved me despite the fact that I had to mediate every argument or dilemna that ever faced our family (not that there were that many, but I had to be in the middle of everything). She was and continues to be a true model to stellar parenting. If I could be half as good to my children as she has been to me, I will do just fine.

As an adult our relationship has evolved into a beautiful friendship. I confide in her my everyday challenges and triumphs. I share my fears and dreams. She never judges who I am or aspire to be. She just listens. And listens. And listens. And those who know me know I talk, and I talk fast, often, and a lot. And she is always there to listen.

You should see the way she loves, and I mean LOVES my children. She can't even go one day without seeing them. And she lights up when she sees charlie. Charlie runs straight towards her, climbs up her chair, plants himself of her lap and the chatting begins. Baby Kate looks like a beautiful mix of my mom and me, a perfect third generation. I look into her eyes and I see the calm, beautiful nature of my mother. From the moment I told my mom I was pregnant AGAIN (mind you Charlie was still a baby himself at only 10 months) the biggest grin spread across my moms face, and she gave me a fist pump and said YES. She spent the next four months listening to her tearful daughter express all the concerns and fears of having another child so soon. She assured me during a hard time in my life that this baby will be another blessing, a wonderful addition to our perfect little family. Once again she was right. The confidence she exuded during that first trimester when I was plagued with exhaustion, worry, and terrible morning sickness, carried me through.

And I miss her.

I miss telling her every little thing that happens to me throughout the day.

I miss calling her first thing in the morning to tell her how my kids slept that night.

I miss walking over to her house every morning and handing her one of my children so I can tend to the other.

I miss her smile, her laugh, her zest for life, even though her life isn't easy.

I miss her.

She'll come back, hopefully soon, but for now she feels so far away. 

I suck, and you want to know why because I brought my sick son to her house. I brought my kids there because I needed help taking care of a baby and a very sick toddler. I was selfish. And now we are all paying for it...because of my ways my mom lays in a hospital bed, hooked up to oxygen, uncomfortable in that damn hospital bed.

And she's fighter, we all know that. She has fought hard her whole life. And despite the difficult cards she has been dealt, she is the most inspirational, positive, and selfless woman I know. And I miss her. And I love her.