I like to view myself as a playful, compassionate, and skilled mother. And I am sure I still am. But damn charlie has been hard the past few days, and damn I have felt more exhausted, frustrated, and drained than i have in a while.
like, how nice would a night away with girls be. lots of good food, wine, giggles, maybe a facial or a massage, a full nights sleep, a morning spent sleeping in (and by this I mean later than 630). A night of chatting it up with ellie, jackie, amy, dawn....or my new mommy friends that are so fun...I can name so many women I would love to talk about anything and everything with.
Adam says soon he will be ready to have both kids overnight, maybe in spring...and soon I will be ready to be away from my daughter for more than an hour at a time, this I am sure of.
what is hard for me:
Charlie turning the light on and off on and off about a gizillion times, with my dad somewhat worried about his new light switch ...
charlie banging our nice chair over and over again into the freshly painted wall
Charlie hitting his sister (knock on wood, he hasn't hit her for 3 days)
CHarlie running around like a mad man screaming in pure joy
feeling like anytime i take a moment away from parenting, to...say...do the dishes or make food, I feel an anxious feeling like.....omg what is charlie doing in that room, and what toy is the baby sucking on, no not that crappy plastic toy from china....
not having the time to exercise, journal, paint, read, or talk on the phone to friends.
not having my sister, my soulmate here to coach me along the way
What is wonderful lately:
The hope that mom will start to improve and that maybe we can figure out what is going on and fix it.
My brother and how close we continue to grow as we support each other through every little thing.
Having my parents a hop, skip and jump away ready to lend a helping hand whenever I need it.
the way charlie says, morning pa, how was your night, and then answers that same question by saying, ahhhh alright!
The way he wants to visit and play with mamma (grandma) three times a day.
the way adam understands my need for alone time and takes charlie on a long bike ride.
the kitchen, oh the kitchen, how i love thee
the relationship i have with my daughter, her wonderful smile that is beaming all day long, her laugh at any and every thing, the way she looks at me with her dark beautiful blue eyes, and the way she loves her brother.
the way charlie turns the beat up loud on his keyboard and rocks out like there is no tomorrow with his door shut and no one looking.
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