The emotional roller coaster of mothering

I never totally liked roller coasters as a kid. Waiting in line sucked. It would be hot, there would be people all around me and the line always appeared endless. Then when you finally get to the front and get on the nerves kick in. What if this is the one ride where we fall off the track, or I slip out of my seatbelt. Then there would be the uphill hall, the point of no return. Finally at the top a rush of excitement mixed with a good deal of fear sets in. Before you know it is is over and you can look back and say, that was pretty darn fun. Let's do it again. 

This is how mothering has been for me as of late. Each day brings a new feeling, a new attitude. Sometimes it is excitement but to be completely honest (and whats the point of a blog if one is not honest) the last week or so has been more about fear, guilt, lack of motivation, and general down-ness. These are emotions I am not used to. I usually wake up with a smile on my feet and a step to my walk (know I dont have the right saying here).

I stepped away from the week changed though. And with more clarity. Here is what I learned, gathered, realized....

1. Sleep is very important and sometimes hard to find. Everyone has periods in their lives where it is hard to sleep. My children need help falling back asleep throughout the night. I don't care if your child sleeps 12 hours straight alone in a crib (ok, i care a little), mine wake up. And it is my job to help them gently fall back asleep. That makes me get less sleep, and less sleep contribues greatly to my mood. So....when my children aren't sleeping that well I must take more naps, and I must be easier on myself if I don't have the energy to take two young children somewhere big and exciting. Perhaps I can even stay inside for most of a day instead of constantly being on the go, yet being exhausted, upset,  and then feeling guilty for not being the best mom ever. Disclaimer: Charlie had 15 great nights where he slept from 8-5 all alone in his own bed before the past week where he woke up several times and came into ours. The past two nights we have just let him come back in and we have all slept better.

2.This time in my life is very short, and the best thing I can be doing for my family is laying this strong foundation of love, support, exploration, and straight up time spent playing with my kids. I am a mother 24 hours of the day, literally. I am a housewife, too. And sometimes I struggle with that. I am fortunate enough to be able to stay home with my kids, and am grateful that adam works so hard that I can. But to be honest, I am tired of it too. I miss having a moment to myself, taking a class, teaching a class, thinking outside the box, usually my hands for things other than changing diapers, building big castles, or cooking oat bars. So, thats cool. It is said, and I know it, and in the next year or two I will work towards that goal. Until then I will enjoy moments like this where charlie is running around the house chases his ball, and the baby is playing on the floor, and I sneak a 10 minute computer time to myself.

3. My family is my everything. And with my dad unable to move for over a week (seriously folks this is very bad) and my mom not any better after 4.5 months of being sick and having difficulty breathing, I am hurting inside. I am trying to find the strength to keep on keeping on, but I am one sensitive gal. I am used to their help in regards to the children, and I am used to their upbeat attitudes.....I am hopeful that things will improve, and I know both of them are trying their hardest to get better, but it is scary none-the-less.

4. it is ok to have hard moments, days and weeks. thing always pick up 

As i discovered during one magical backpacking trip in the middle of nowhere with some great friends Attitude is Everything 

and for those days where my attitude is struggling I will use my other motto, and I will fake it until I make it.