The Ebb and Flow of motherhood

There are days like today, where everything seems to fall into place. Where you have the best nights sleep and wake up curled up next to your sweet son at 7....Where seitan can be made from scratch before the clock strikes 8 am. Where Charlie has a friend from next door come over and together they run, laugh, jump, and play for over 2 hours together. Where among that wonderful chaos the kitchen gets clean, more playdough gets made, and everyone gets fed. Where your husband comes home for lunch, and puts the baby down for a nap, and after reading 12 books and a last minute poop, your exhausted son collapses in a heap. Where the birds are chirping outside, the house is somewhat clean, and you can truly relish in silence.

It won't last long, it never does. Before long the dog may bark, the doorbell may ring, the baby will most likely wake up....but for now it is quiet.

A hot cup of tea sits waiting for me.....

When you shut one door, many open. Just when I started to feel insecure and not a part of many mothering circles. Just when I started to worry about my son struggling through a difficult stage and my children just being too damn close together. Just when I started to feel so damn tired I couldn't think straight, things changed again.

And now I feel empowered, and rested, and recharged. I feel complete, and full of playdates, activities, friends, Moms nights out.

And as my children get older there will be more dinners alone with adam, maybe a backpacking trip or real honeymoon (not that 2 nights in big sur wasn't real, because it was perfect).

How good in this moment it is to just hear the birds chirping on the wires, to hear the slight hum of the fridge, and an occasional car pass down the street. 

Because most of my day, really all of my day I hear C and K, and while Charlie's explosion of language and Kate's new words and sound effects are truly music for my soul, every once in a while it is very nice to hear nothing.