This is how we feel....

When Rick and Alex come to visit.

My dad is a wise man. He has passed on life lessons such as:

--If you know how to do nothing, you will never be bored.

--How do you save money, by not spending it.

--How do you show someone you care, by caring.

But when I think of friends like Amy and Rick and Alex, it is something my mothers always said to me that comes to mind: How do you show someone you truly love them, by wanting to spend time with them. And since becoming a mom myself I feel this is more true than ever. I want my kids to know that I want to spend time with them, that I enjoy playing with them, and that there is nothing I would rather do with my time than sit on the floor and play "animals", "cars" or "build train tracks" with them.

And it means the world to me when family and friends choose to spend time with us. Amy, I promise you will be the meat of a post soon, but for today I need to write about our old family friends Rick and Alex. When I heard that they were flying up here from LA for a weekend during their spring break to come visit, I was thrilled. They literally spend every minute playing with my kids. Rick will spend hours and hours (no exaggeration) playing soccer, baseball, chase, and basketball with both c and k. Alex finds the silk scarves within moments and plays peek-a-bo0, dress up, makes parachutes, and gets both kids rolling in laughter right off the bat. I have known Rick and his family since I was tiny, and I see him as a brother. Nothing brought more happiness to my heart of hearts than watching him marry Alex.

This visit Alex taught the kids (and me) how to make a berry pie.

Making the dough together....

Comparing it to playdough....

She patiently showed Kate had to make stars for the crust....

With plenty of giggle breaks in between the hard work.

When Rick was done with his six hour work meeting (who meets for 6 hours anyway...crazy) he spent about 2 hours in the backyard wearing Charlie out. This was after Charlie spent the morning playing tennis with Adam, and racing around the park with me. You can understand why he is slightly dazed here.

While Kate gravitates towards Alex a bit more, she adores her "ricky". My sister Kate and Ricky were best friends growing up, so it is sweet for me to watch Rick cuddle baby Kate.

And as if a full weekend of other adults showering my kids with love wasn't enough.....we got to finish the day off with this delicious berry pie.

Thank you Rick and Alex for showing my kids how much you love them. I long for the day when I can love your children as much as you love mine. Thank you for getting down to their level, taking interest in the things they love to do, and just being present with them. Because that is how you show someone you care, you choose to spend time with them.

It is hard when...

your son or daughter coughs only at night and for hours on end.

when the school you want your children to go to costs over 10,000 a year

when don't feel like you and your son are on the same page, and you are not sure how to respond to his recent displays of attitude, power, and spunk

you work with a student who is so far behind and you wonder what his chances in life are.

nothing can get done as far as health care and politics because the rights' only agenda is to sabotage the current president.

other children aren't given the services they deserve

you have ideas, passions, interests but truly don't have the time or interest or energy to pursue them.

those closest to you aren't all that healthy.

you hold your adorable daughter close and truly grasp the concept that she will only be this small for such a short amount of time.

Our bi-annual getaway

I made it official. Every 6 months Adam and I are going to go away for a few days alone. Last time we backpacked to North Dome in Yosemite and had an amazing adventure. This time we went to Big Sur.

We wanted to get away for two nights, but only had reservations for one night in big sur, so I had the genius idea to stay in Santa Cruz for Friday night. We saw our first movie in over 5 years, Avatar, and loved it. It was so creative and beautiful. There were so many parallels between what we did in Iraq, and how in general the human race thinks the world and its creatures are theirs for the taking. We also enjoyed a delicious sushi dinner. We go out to eat honestly, like once a year, so this was such a treat to have movie and dinner. But what was more of a treat was sleeping for 8 hours straight. I seriously woke up in the same position I fell asleep in. My first good nights sleep in forever.

We woke up rested and headed to Big Sur. Once we got there we put two and two together and realized that the huge fire that devastated Big Sur two years ago meant that all of the trails we were hoping to go on were closed. But in true Adam and Sarah fashion we managed to find a beautiful, and incredibly difficult trail that was open.

To give you an idea of just how challenging our hike was, think about this. It is a gorgeous spring day and people are everywhere in Big Sur. All of the trails are closed except a fire road trail that takes you to the top of a beautiful lookout. You would think the trail would be crowded, but we saw 3 couples the entire 3 hour adventure. The first climb was so intense it left both of us breathy. I said to Adam, "that was probably the steepest part, right?" Uh No. try 2.75 more miles of that. Every step was a full fledged Lunge. My legs and butt were burning. The women at FIT would have been so proud of me.

Being the wonderful woman that I am, I had a nice spread of cheese, crackers, fruit, and chocolate packed away in my backpack. The only thing was missing was the wine. Adam told me later that day that the idea of food was the biggest motivator to climb the mountain.

After our sweaty climb we got to return to this:

The coziest little cabin I have ever stepped foot in, complete with the cutest stove and fireplace. I could live in something so small and rustic feeling. I did the unthinkable, I read my new Kingsolver book and gasp...took a nap. Adam settled down for hours reading Open, Agassi's book. When the clock struck 5 we jumped up and had some beers at Nepenthe, the famous restaurant and bar overlooking the water. Then it was off to our favorite restaurant EVER:

Deetjens is where we spent our honeymoon. The most delicious food, wonderful ambiance, and great surroundings help contribute to the best meal of my life to date. A 2 hour dinner loaded with laughter, deep talks about family, life, politics...

Doing it up for a weekend is great for the soul. Two dinners out meant two dinners I didn't cook. Two nights without kids meant two solid nights of sleep. Hikes without children meant faster, harder, and more peaceful hikes. But all those things were just extras. What was really magical was spending time with Adam. Uninterrupted and raw. Moments of comfortable silence mixed in with real discussions about our past, our present and our future. Mannerisms that made us laugh. Conversations about the kids that brought us so much joy. Sharing a life together. Loving each other. Motivating each other to be better. Being best friends. Peeling away the things in life that "make" us stay together, and coming to the conclusion yet once again, that we choose each other. That we complete each other. That we are the best parents for our children. And that together and separately we are just where we want to be.

A nice mixture

We have been busy having fun. Most of the time, that is. The kids are at such fantastic ages. They are creative, energetic, silly, inspirational, focused, and so much fun to be with. It helps that I go to FIT 3-4 times a week for a great workout, and it helps that I am tutoring 8-10 hours a week too. Those provide great breaks from these wild ones, and contribute to my emotional, physical and mental health. And as I mentioned a few posts back, it really makes me enjoy every minute I have with them. We have a good mixture between playgroups, nursery school, swim class, park days, and field trip days. On a rainy Friday like today we started off at FIT, where the kids played happily with other kids for an hour at the daycare and I workedout until my face was as red as a tomato and sweat covered every inch of my body. In my opinion a great cardio workout is the best way to start a long day. Then we went to Palo Alto and enjoyed a bagel, some coffee, and a newspaper together:

Our next stop was The Play Store, a beautiful waldorf toy store. The kids had a great time and although I was overwhelmed and tempted to buy EVERYTHING, I managed to get out of the store with just a few small things. As soon as we got home the kids spent 20 minutes blowing bubbles in the rain with their new bear bubble blower, and then art time with their new colored pencils. I love art supplies that are really nice. Worth the extra few bucks.

Two days ago we went to Frontierland park in Pacifica, it is back in the hills and a wonderful park. The kids ran around playing with kids they have never met for 3 hours. All that fun and heat paved the way for a tasty treat at Mezzaluna cafe. They split a small gelato and giggled through every bite.

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Charlie was determined to scale this wall, he finally did it with a little boost from me.

Charlie told me he was learning to surf, wish it was that easy.

Art is a big hit in this house. Here the kids are painting at 6:40 am. Wet on Wet painting is so fun for the kids because they get to see the colors swim across their paper.

The kids had a very fun visit with Josh. They adore him. And they learn important things from him like how to fist pump with the blow up noises afterwards. How did these kids get so lucky that everyone around them chooses to come and play all the time with them.

Last week we met up with Blake and Adam's parents for a fun day at the zoo. The kids were adorable and had a blast together.

Most of our outside time is in our own backyard. Charlie is teaching Kate to ride his scooter, she actually is very good at it. He thought teaching her to go down a hill would be a good place to learn.

We are always working on our mustaches, we can have smoothie mustaches, milk ones, cream cheese ones, lentil soup ones......

And we are spending a lot of time learning to be good mothers, sisters, fathers, brothers. Both kids love their dolls, just five minutes I heard Kate say, "Charlie you be the daddy, I be the mommy" She then looked at me and said, "You be Yarah" I can do that. The more I am Sarah, the happier I am

So yeh, things are good right now. The kids have been so sweet this past week or two. I feel the love and support everywhere I turn. Lily's coat is coming in, Adam and I are leaving around 5 for Santa Cruz and Big Sur for the weekend, Charlie and Kate are so excited about their Staycation with my family. Some weeks are not as smooth, but these past two weeks have been awesome. It makes me think about home-schooling, and how much fun we would have. Just a thought.

Fostering Friendship Among Siblings

One of our greatest responsibilities as parents is to foster a lifelong friendship among our children. My parents did an amazing job of this as evidenced by Kate and Josh being two of my very closest friends. One of my mentors once said to me, "The relationship you have with your sister/brother will be one of the most important relationships of your life. In the end you will know your siblings longer than anybody else." Many of my friends have questioned my mom about how they parented us. I, too, have frequently asked her how she managed to work full-time, raise three kids, all the while maintaining such a peaceful home. The response that keeps coming up is that she and my father tried very hard to foster a close friendship built on trust, unconditional love, and respect for each of their children, but just as important they worked day and night to foster a friendship between myself, Kate, and Josh. They were very successful.

So now the challenge is on me and Adam. This is on my mind because of two separate incidents that happened in the last 24 hours. The first is a sweet one. While playing "garbage man" this morning Charlie found me in the kitchen and said, "I love Kate, she is the best friend I've ever had." Wonderful, except last night in the span of 30 minutes he pushed Kate off the couch backwards, and then while playing, laughing and tickling each other in bed he decided to bite her arm. He has never bitten anyone before, and mind you Kate went through a biting phase and bit Charlie countless times, but still Adam and I felt so disappointed, angry, and at a loss about Charlie's sudden aggression towards his sister. We each had a serious talk with him, and talked with each other about how tired Charlie is (this kid plays harder than anyone I know).

So far today no problems, and as I type in complete silence, both kids are napping. AHHHH

So how does one foster friendship between siblings. They often want the same toys at the same time, a fun game of chase can instantly turn into tears, and although it has improved greatly in the last year, they both want me and only me at the same time. Here is what works for me:

1. Quality time with each kid. While Charlie is in nursery school I try to focus on Kate, take her for walks, have her help me cook/clean, take her to the park. I try to spend some of that time talking with her and playing with her. When Kate naps and Charlie doesn't I try to spend that time one on one with him. If I am exhausted we curl up on the bean bag and watch Kipper (a cute show about a dog and his friends), if I have energy we do art, play games, puzzles and read. They are both better able to share me when they feel they have had their own time.

2. I try to encourage them to play together as much as possible. This morning Charlie asked if he can take his 5000 stuffed animals and put them in the garbage (the couch). I said, Yes, see if Kate can be a garbage girl and help you. They laughed and had the time of their lives racing back and forth from bedroom to the couch with they big cans of garbage.

3. Adam is better at this than me, but he has a very low tolerance for tattling. I remember growing up tattling was almost as much of an offense as the person being tattled on. I am trying (not easy) to not just step in and regulate, but to encourage each child to use their words and work it out.

4. Finally, I am constantly chalking each child up to the other. "Look at how silly Kate can be." "Wow Charlie is so fast, go run with him." It really does work.

Taking turn during spinning art.

working together to make magic happen

simple moments that make me smile

...listening to Charlie play with his fire truck. listening to him talk ever so sweetly to the firemen about how they need to go fight fires and help people.

...listening to kate sing all day long.

..when Charlie stops playing to ask for a wash cloth so he can clean the windows or the floors.

...Kate's innocent, "why?" to many of the things I say.

...After telling her her first story at naptime she started saying, "Once a time?" as a way to ask for another story.

...the way both kids point out mushrooms growing wherever we are.

...adam jumping out of bed at 7 am to garden for five hours straight, and how dirty, sweaty and worn out he looks when he is finally done.

...Charlie asking me if kids can go to Tres Amigos and if I can make a date for him and Adam to go there alone for dinner.

...Watching Charlie teach another girl how to play basketball at the park today.

...spending Kate's naptime playing catch and board games with Charlie.

...Kate's lips and cheeks, and small wisps of hair.

...Charlie asking to go downstairs and read books with mama throughout the day.

...Watching Pa teach charlie the difference between a chest pass and overhead pass.

..how excited the kids get at the end of the day when they hear adam's truck roaring down the street.

..meeting a great friend at the park today and conversing with other wonderful moms on a sunny day.

...yesterday while driving to the gym, Charlie said, "mommy, I want to be in Nonnie's car." I said, "yes, we can make that happen soon. Why do you like being in that car?" Charlie: "It smells good, like nonnie" so cute

...Charlie's bear hugs, kisses, and sweet I love you's at bedtime.

...Having a situation where I can work but also get to spend countless hours with my kids daily, and all the help I get to make that happen.

..looking over my shoulder to see Charlie holding Kate on the couch and Kate saying to me, "Chaawee rocking me."