I have an amazing village of family and friends...that love me and love my kids.
I have a supportive, dedicated, involved, family-oriented husband who I truly love.
I have parents who I can honestly call my best friends and biggest advocates.
I have siblings who drop everything to care for my kids when the need arises.
I have friends new and old who give me so much love, support, and help.
I have job opportunities pop up every few years that keep me connected to my passion of working with families and students in educational settings.
And I have kids who I am totally in love with.
So, yes I am feeling the love.
And let's be real...I don't always feel like everything is going the right direction...who does? But when I step back and look at the big picture, when I look at what really matters in this huge complicated world...I always realize it is the health and happiness of those around me and myself. And I was feel so grateful.
My mom is home and beginning her long road towards recovery, my interview went well and they would be lucky to have me, and I have childcare, playdates, and meals lined up for the next week. Perhaps good news comes in 3's
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
A big week
It is Monday morning. The start of a big week. I am getting my intentions set, taking deep breaths, and ready to see it all unfold.
Most importantly it is likely that my mom will be released from the hospital after a very long and hard 2 weeks. Many nights were spent crying myself to sleep, waking all night with horrible nightmares, and my days were spent staring at my phone waiting for texts with more information. It will be a long road back to full recovery, but we are all so incredibly happy that my mom hung in there once again. We love you mom!
On Wednesday I am having an hour long phone interview for a new job. I am hopeful that they will hire me, my schedule can be more inline with the kids school schedule, and I can add more income to our family.
On Friday I have my umbilical hernia repair. I have lots of friends and family there to help with recovery process as I am not supposed to hold or carry anything over 20 pounds for 2 weeks. I am not allowed to nurse alex for 48 hours, which will be very challenging in itself. Not to mention three active kids who love to jump, wrestle, and be snuggled by there mom.
So...I hope your week is full of friends, family, and love. And I hope my week is full of good news for my mom, new possibilities for employment, and a easy surgery!
Most importantly it is likely that my mom will be released from the hospital after a very long and hard 2 weeks. Many nights were spent crying myself to sleep, waking all night with horrible nightmares, and my days were spent staring at my phone waiting for texts with more information. It will be a long road back to full recovery, but we are all so incredibly happy that my mom hung in there once again. We love you mom!
On Wednesday I am having an hour long phone interview for a new job. I am hopeful that they will hire me, my schedule can be more inline with the kids school schedule, and I can add more income to our family.
On Friday I have my umbilical hernia repair. I have lots of friends and family there to help with recovery process as I am not supposed to hold or carry anything over 20 pounds for 2 weeks. I am not allowed to nurse alex for 48 hours, which will be very challenging in itself. Not to mention three active kids who love to jump, wrestle, and be snuggled by there mom.
So...I hope your week is full of friends, family, and love. And I hope my week is full of good news for my mom, new possibilities for employment, and a easy surgery!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Ode to the little man
Alex is 10 months and we all adore him. He has a few tricks, like when we say how big is the baby, he responds like this:
He claps at anything especially if you bust out in the song, "If you are happy and you know it clap your hands"
His favorite food is...everything. He eats almost everything we eat, no baby food really. Lentils, soups, rice, pot stickers, everything shoveled into his mouth by his fat fingers
He gets himself into standing in the middle of the room and stays steady with his legs spread wide apart, and cruises along all furniture. He loves his siblings and spends most of his day playing and laughing.
Our evening through Charile's eyes
Charlie found my camera and capture a typical evening in our house. Life may be chaotic, but all in all I am so incredibly blessed by those that surround me daily!
Friday, March 23, 2012
The sun is shining on my back. It is shining through the trees, over the mountains, through my deck onto my back as I sit and feed my baby. The aroma of a newly brewed cup of coffee fills my clean kitchen. I can hear the laughter, pounding little feet, and endless conversation leftover from yesterday when Charlie and Kate played for hours with their friends here. And I can't help but feel fully content with my life.
I do not always feel this way. Being a reflective person I am constantly wondering how I can be a better wife and mom. I am always trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and actually answer the phone when friends call. And I am trying to establish myself as a person outside of being a mom, which is no easy task.
Guiding children through various stages and phases has consumed me. C and K have gone through a tough phase of not getting along. The teasing, fighting, arguing has taken its toll on me. It is particularly tough for me because my brother and sister are my best friends and I really want that for my kids as well.
But in this moment with the bigs at school and the little just as cute and happy as ever, and the sun shining through my clean house, I feel content. And I am going to bottle that feeling for the rest of my long day.
I do not always feel this way. Being a reflective person I am constantly wondering how I can be a better wife and mom. I am always trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and actually answer the phone when friends call. And I am trying to establish myself as a person outside of being a mom, which is no easy task.
Guiding children through various stages and phases has consumed me. C and K have gone through a tough phase of not getting along. The teasing, fighting, arguing has taken its toll on me. It is particularly tough for me because my brother and sister are my best friends and I really want that for my kids as well.
But in this moment with the bigs at school and the little just as cute and happy as ever, and the sun shining through my clean house, I feel content. And I am going to bottle that feeling for the rest of my long day.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
party
Kate's birthday was Feb. 7 and in true Berkowood Underwitz fashion we had a few celebrations throughout the week. We made cupcakes for her art class, had my brother and parents over for pizza, cake, and presents the night of Feb. 7th. She also brought cupcakes to nursery school (one of her most favorite places on earth) and finally we had a bigger party at the park the following Sunday. I asked her to list the friends that she wanted at the party...and seriously she did it. She listed everyone I could imagine and more, and almost everyone showed up. She is so well-loved. The youngest guest was Alex at 9 months, and the oldest guest was a close family friend Jo at 97. Birthday parties are actually one of the only things that make me anxious, I see adorable pictures of thematic bday parties and I don't think I could pull them off if my life depended on it. But then I always realize that all I need for a good party is A. great food B. good company C. Room for kids to run, and jump, and play, and D. A little bit of alcohol.
Kate asked for her party to be at the park and Adam and I were stoked. No bouncy house. No costs to use. Just food and a bit of wine and we are good to go.
My sister came over the morning of and played with the big kids while Adam and I charged our way through the kitchen. I walked into my kitchen at 6am and seriously didn't step foot out until 11ish. 5 dozen cupcakes, Kale and brussel sprout salad, Orzo salad, and lots of yummy cheese, veggie, hummus snacks. Adam was a rock star in the kitchen...have I mentioned how much I love him lately?
Ready to get the party started...and look Mike is awake!
Nice food spread...
Ready for her big day
We are in our best clothes too..
Celebrating the night of real bday
We are soooo lucky that both my siblings live on the coast and are a HUGE part of our kids' lives.
The birthday queen herself!
Loving her big present from mommy and daddy...her very own princess fairy castle. All three kids have played with this toy a lot!
Charlie continued his great skill of picking our gifts for loved ones and told me a few months ago he wanted to get Kate a pink skateboard. So we looked online together secretly, found this one and bought it. He kept the secret which is better is a trait he obviously doesn't get from me.
Every single gift she took the time to open, play with and admire..this was true after her bigger party too...where she racked in an obscene amount of presents.
Her first set of legos from mama and pa. And I was quite impressed and surprised when she managed to build both sets mostly by herself.
A special morning treat the day of...
Uncle Josh got Kate her very own ergo, just like mommys. She LOVES it. And so do I!
She also received so many books which is the best gift since she is such a book worm!
Again, she seriously tried on, read or played with each toy right after she opened it. Here she is wearing a cute outfit from Auntie Brooke and trying on her new shoes from Nonnie.
This was Kate in a nutshell at her party. She ran around happily for almost three hours. There were so many kids and all of them seemed to be really happy and played really well together the entire party.
Climbing with a leaf in her hair. I love this girl.
Excited about her hula hoop from one of her best friends, and by the way you should watch Charlie rock this hula hoop. It is insane.
Two things to notice. Most importantly, I have amazing friends and truly LOVE my community. Less importantly why is it that every pic of me I am in midst of some f-ed up face. I guess I know where Kate gets all her expressions from.
Kate and some of her good friends. Sidenote: I make amazing vegan cupcakes. Yes, that is right. My facial expression during pics suck, but my cupcakes do not disappoint. All vegan. All organic, with not too much oil or sugar.
My dad and Josh and Bethany. Love these men in my life.
Kate enters the fours
Dearest Kate,
My heart aches as I begin this letter. It aches with joy. Pure joy for each moment we have shared. And it aches from fear. Fear that the moments are passing by too quickly. We all loved the baby cake (as some called you). We were in awe with the 1 year old Kate...the little Aunt Kate who raced up to people at the tender age of 14 months and said, "Whatchadoing?" and we all were smitten with the 2 year old Kate. At the young age of 2 you were so completely silly and smart, that most strangers were astonished. And 3. How I have loved you as a 3 year old. This past year you have been more together than most adults I know. You have a heart full of love for everything. And your dad and I even learned to love your tiny short-lived tantrums complete with "shit mommy" and "shit daddy". We have watched you tumble and play with Charlie and all of his friends, sit and participate through hours of Charlie's kindergarten, and create entire worlds on your own. We have observed you run laps around the soccer field, only to stop to pick flowers, admire butterflies or engage in your endless monologues.
Your ability to handle the world around you amazes me. You are able to stick to your guns when it is important, yet let other things roll off your back. Most of the time you are able to do a delicate dance around your brother who at times can be a bit moody. At the same time you have watched your brother excel in every sport and have somehow been able to be his biggest fan rather than feel jealous that you can hardly throw a shoe in a basket. Your sense of humor is incredible, and honestly I feel lucky to get to spend time with you. I feel as if you are a long lost friend from another life. We cook and clean side by side, weave in and out of various characters as we navigate our days together, and truly laugh at all the funny, stupid, and ridiculous things we encounter everyday.
Your perfectly round red lips catch my eyes everything you talk, laugh, dance, draw, focus. Your curly, wispy hair that doesn't seem to grow melts my heart. And your freckles. It sometimes takes all of my strength not to hug you all day. Your eyes are the most beautiful color of blue I have ever seen.
And you have the best taste in friends already. For the first few years of your life your friends were Charlie's friends. And you were just fine with that. But with the start of nursery school and art class you quickly found your own way. And you have gravitated towards amazing little girls and boys, and I hope this is something you always do.
You are not always easy, although your overall character is the most calm, level-headed, and easy going I have ever come across. But like us all, you do break down time to time. And as I watch you deal with your stress all I can do is learn from it. You scream, make your point, let your voice be known, and move on. It is like a harsh rainstorm immediately followed by sunshine and a rainbow. With the exception of the way you pretend to throw things when mad, I think we can all learn from you.
Kate, when I see you, I see myself. I remember being so little yet feeling like I owned the world. I remember feeling so secure and so loved and so on top of the world. I hope that is how you feel. Tonight when I was putting you to bed I had to get up and do something and Alex started to stir. When I came back in the room I saw your small, delicate hand patting his back, getting him back to sleep. As I tickled your arm and sang our songs you started to tear up because you missed Charlie (who is at a soccer game with your dad). How someone so little has so much compassion is beyond me.
We have been together for 3 full years, plus 9 months in the womb, yet I can hardly remember life before you. Today when I came home from work you stormed out of our house in your pajamas and did the cutest little sassy dance all the way to our gate...and my heart ached. I don't want you to grow up anymore. So far the first month of 4 has been wonderful, but I am not done reveling in your 3 year old awesome self.
I love you Kate. I love the way you love and care for Alex. The way you look up to Charlie. I love the way you become Corda, Sarahleah, Sensa, Nadia. I love the way you play, and paint. I love the way you scrub floors, play in dirt, and can entertain yourself forever with some flowers out front. I love the way you love to snuggle and hold your daddy. I love all the letters "you don't have" as Charlie says. I love your spunk, your strength, and your fire. I love the way you tell it like it is, live every day to its fullest, and light up every room you are in.
I love you Kate.
My heart aches as I begin this letter. It aches with joy. Pure joy for each moment we have shared. And it aches from fear. Fear that the moments are passing by too quickly. We all loved the baby cake (as some called you). We were in awe with the 1 year old Kate...the little Aunt Kate who raced up to people at the tender age of 14 months and said, "Whatchadoing?" and we all were smitten with the 2 year old Kate. At the young age of 2 you were so completely silly and smart, that most strangers were astonished. And 3. How I have loved you as a 3 year old. This past year you have been more together than most adults I know. You have a heart full of love for everything. And your dad and I even learned to love your tiny short-lived tantrums complete with "shit mommy" and "shit daddy". We have watched you tumble and play with Charlie and all of his friends, sit and participate through hours of Charlie's kindergarten, and create entire worlds on your own. We have observed you run laps around the soccer field, only to stop to pick flowers, admire butterflies or engage in your endless monologues.
Your ability to handle the world around you amazes me. You are able to stick to your guns when it is important, yet let other things roll off your back. Most of the time you are able to do a delicate dance around your brother who at times can be a bit moody. At the same time you have watched your brother excel in every sport and have somehow been able to be his biggest fan rather than feel jealous that you can hardly throw a shoe in a basket. Your sense of humor is incredible, and honestly I feel lucky to get to spend time with you. I feel as if you are a long lost friend from another life. We cook and clean side by side, weave in and out of various characters as we navigate our days together, and truly laugh at all the funny, stupid, and ridiculous things we encounter everyday.
Your perfectly round red lips catch my eyes everything you talk, laugh, dance, draw, focus. Your curly, wispy hair that doesn't seem to grow melts my heart. And your freckles. It sometimes takes all of my strength not to hug you all day. Your eyes are the most beautiful color of blue I have ever seen.
And you have the best taste in friends already. For the first few years of your life your friends were Charlie's friends. And you were just fine with that. But with the start of nursery school and art class you quickly found your own way. And you have gravitated towards amazing little girls and boys, and I hope this is something you always do.
You are not always easy, although your overall character is the most calm, level-headed, and easy going I have ever come across. But like us all, you do break down time to time. And as I watch you deal with your stress all I can do is learn from it. You scream, make your point, let your voice be known, and move on. It is like a harsh rainstorm immediately followed by sunshine and a rainbow. With the exception of the way you pretend to throw things when mad, I think we can all learn from you.
Kate, when I see you, I see myself. I remember being so little yet feeling like I owned the world. I remember feeling so secure and so loved and so on top of the world. I hope that is how you feel. Tonight when I was putting you to bed I had to get up and do something and Alex started to stir. When I came back in the room I saw your small, delicate hand patting his back, getting him back to sleep. As I tickled your arm and sang our songs you started to tear up because you missed Charlie (who is at a soccer game with your dad). How someone so little has so much compassion is beyond me.
We have been together for 3 full years, plus 9 months in the womb, yet I can hardly remember life before you. Today when I came home from work you stormed out of our house in your pajamas and did the cutest little sassy dance all the way to our gate...and my heart ached. I don't want you to grow up anymore. So far the first month of 4 has been wonderful, but I am not done reveling in your 3 year old awesome self.
I love you Kate. I love the way you love and care for Alex. The way you look up to Charlie. I love the way you become Corda, Sarahleah, Sensa, Nadia. I love the way you play, and paint. I love the way you scrub floors, play in dirt, and can entertain yourself forever with some flowers out front. I love the way you love to snuggle and hold your daddy. I love all the letters "you don't have" as Charlie says. I love your spunk, your strength, and your fire. I love the way you tell it like it is, live every day to its fullest, and light up every room you are in.
I love you Kate.
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