All is content on the Montara Front

Really? 2 full months and nothing. I attribute it fully to making a huge mistake a year and a bit ago. I decided to save pennies and purchase an effing PC and now not only does work often come to a grinding halt but my blogging has become pretty much non existent.
But here I am. Where to begin. My summer was amazing. The best I have had since summer meant anything.....no let me back up....the best since having kids and summer meant anything.
Pre-kid summers meant waking up in Butano, sending Adam to work (Ha), walking Lilly, reading a book, and taking a bath all before 10. Summers back then also mean planning and preparing trips to Guatemala, Panama, Costa Rica....the glorious days.
But this summer was special in different but equally (or more) important ways.
I spent the better half of the summer traveling here and there. It felt empowering and relatively easy to take my kids away for a few days on my own to various places. And clearly the highlights were camping with my village.
It has taken me 34.75 years, three kids, and 7 years as a mom to find my village. And I am always expanding it. Although I admit it is hard to really put the effort in to new friendships when I feel like I have built lasting and loving relationships with five other families all with similar beliefs, view of the world, parenting styles, and pastimes as me.
We camped every 2-3 weeks for 4 nights and in between those times I got to do amazing things like visit Jackie's new ranch and get to know her kids better. I got to finally meet and hold Will the most loved and adorable little baby out there. I got to see my bestie Amy and hang with her husband, Corin and toddler Cedar. I got to spend a glorious few days at one of my closest friend's mom's estates swimming and drinking and just loving life.
In between these trips I got to wake up and watch my kids play inside and outside. I didn't check work emails for days on end, sometimes not even turning on my computer. I read a book. Ok, most of a book, but still. I haven't read a novel since being super sick with pneumonia before conceiving Alex was a reality.
I got to watch Charlie skateboard, bike, play tennis, and care so lovingly after Alex.
After 6 months of being quarantined from my parents house and lives, I got to drop in occasionally and spend pressure moments showing off my kids.
My kids. 2, 5 and 7. and so full of fire, and love, and questions.
Right now after a long few days filled with greatness I have nothing but awe and admiration for these kids of mine. but let me tell you there are plenty of moments (usually daily) where chaos and attitude and whining rule our way of life....but why dwell on those moments...especially not when generally I feel so good.
I stepped back into work two weeks ago, taking on a bigger load than last year and yet feeling 1000 times more in control of this job. And that feels damn good.
Kate started kinder and during the first day her teacher (who charlie had and who we love) came up to me at pick up time and said:When you are ready and you think Kate is ready, leave her until 2:40 when the first graders leave (it is a k/1 class). I tried to gather my daughter on her first day of school and she barely blinked an eye at me: I want to stay mommy, I will leave with Charlie.
It was bittersweet but mostly I felt proud that I am her mother. This girl with so much love and personality. So together and well-rounded that she is invited to be one of the first graders.
And Charlie seems to be owning second grade: "Mommy, I am supposed to read 30 minutes everyday. I have never even made it to 12" And now night after night he lays in bed exhausted after school and sports and reads amazingly well to me. When I try to stop him so he can go to sleep he asks if it has been 30 minutes, and if not he trudges onward. I couldn't be more proud. Tonight he sat at his desk for 30 minutes from 8:30-9:00 writing about Hawaii and how badly he wants to surf there.
And Alex, how do I even explain how happy, silly, smart, engaged and adorable he is. He is the light o f my life. And it is only fair that I start working harder to capture his moments, our moments. Charlie and Kate have a record of their lives at 2. He deserves one too. So there that is me right now. Tomorrow I might wake up feeling off and frustrated and overwhelmed. But for now with a quiet house sitting on a couch next to my husband who is reading a book (yes, a book) I feel rich.

group packing

 Group camping is where it is at. We have gone on several trips and each one was amazing. Kids running around in packs, exploring the dirt, bark, and critters around them. Adults laughing, chatting, playing cards, sipping adult beverages. Late nights around the fire telling stories and sharing laughs. Early mornings sipping coffee as the sun comes up. Happy kids. Happy parents, Happy families, and happy friends. What could be better?

 This is most of our crew. Minus one very special family that is moving to Texas soon.

 be still my heart

 Best big brother ever

 love that alex has a group of big kids that adore him.

 How we spend our afternoon/evenings.

Friends make the world go round.

Public Speaking

I hate it. I wish I didn't. When I am not in front of crowds I can speak coherently and from the heart. I think if I had less emotional attachment to my convictions I could have been a lawyer. But instead I will give a speech at a PTO meeting. Yes, you read that right. Not even a board meeting. A PTO meeting. And I will have a lump in my throat.
Here it is.

Hi,

My name is Sarah Berkowitz and I am a mother of three young children. I grew up on the coast and went to Hatch, Cunha, and the high school. As a teacher myself I have been exposed to many different models of education as well as teaching philosophies. As a mother and an educator I wanted to share with you my experience with the looping program over the past two years. 

My husband and I had originally planned to send our children the immersion program. When I moved back to the area to teach in Pescadero I was thrilled to learn that my old elementary school had a unique program that fostered bilingual and bicultural children. The spring before my oldest son started Kindergarten we bought a house in Montara. I still had plans to send my children to the immersion program when I heard about another unique program offered at Farallone View. I always liked the idea of community schools and started asking around about the looping program. After looking closely into the looping program we changed our minds and decided to send our children to FV rather than Hatch. For the reasons I am about to share with you I couldn’t happier with my decision. Choosing the right educational fit for your child is not something that should be taken lightly. Our children are our future and like all parents my goal is to help guide my children into well-rounded, caring, and kind people. I am proud to say that the looping program at farallone view does just that.

The multi-age setting in a looping class is a microcosim of real society. Our children are exposed to different age groups that foster collaboration and understanding. The two year program develops key skills at different points. As kindergarteners our children learn to ask and accept help from their older peers. Appropriate classroom behaviors and routines are not only explained by the teacher, but perhaps more importantly modeled by their peers. The first graders seem to take great pride in knowing the drill and being mini teachers to the incoming kinders. When you step inside the class you see students of various ages, abilities, genders, and cultures all interacting for the common goal of learning. I can’t think of a better way to prepare our children for the real world.

When my son entered kindergarten he knew no one. We had lived in HMB until a few months before school so all of his friends and peers were at Hatch and El Granada. For those of you that know Charlie you know that at first he is shy, reserved and timid. He was excited about starting school but very nervous about not having any friends . I know this is the situation many kindergarten or new students face in a classroom. The difference for Charlie was that he had first graders who took him in and showed him the ropes. He has always looked up to older kids and so having experienced classmates helped him feel comfortable. As the oldest child of three he also has strong leadership skills. Now as a first grader he is the one who is able to make younger kids feel comfortable. I still smile when I think back to the beginning of the year. Everyday Charlie told me how he took this kinder to the bathroom or office or showed them what to do for kids jobs or reading and eating.

Another benefit of the looping program is the extended time our teachers get to truly know each student. As a parent I felt less pressure to have Charlie hit exact bench marks at a specific time because I knew that he is part of a two year program. Giving our teachers and our children two years allows for a deeper understanding of each child’s learning style, strengths as well as challenges. Charlie’s teacher has a very thorough understanding of Charlie as a whole. She understands his passions, his skills, his strengths, and his challenges. This has helped Charlie not only in the classroom but in our home as well. As we all know it takes a village to raise children.  It has been such a blessing to have another adult, especially an educator, know my son on a deep level. Over the past two years I have been able to build a solid relationship with his teacher. This is yet another benefit to this program. Not only do the teachers and students get two years to  build connections but the parents and teachers do too. I feel incredibly lucky to have been given the time to build a strong relationship Ms. Linda.

As this year comes to a close I look at my son and I can’t help but to feel immensely proud of his growth over the past two years. He went from a shy and timid kindergartener to an outgoing and confident first grader. I know he likes being the leader of the group but he recently told me he is very excited about second grade. When I asked him what things he was looking forward to he told me he is ready to be with the older kids again. This is the beauty of this program.  Different aged kids coming together to teach and be taught. To follow and then lead then follow again. These are skills our children will use across their lifetime.

I understand there are obstacles to making this a formal program. I understand numbers change and teachers retire. I also know this model of education isn’t for everyone. However, if there is a way to come together and create a  sustainable looping program once again at FV, I strongly feel our entire school will benefit from it. Although this is only my second year as a parent of this school, I am well aware of how special FV school is. I see the dedicated and loving teachers that  give themselves to our children. I see parents that endlessly donate their time and money to making this school better. I see a principal who is in touch with the needs of both the students and teachers. I see happy engaged kids eager to learn. I believe that with the help of the dedicated staff and administration and devoted parents, we can make the looping program a program that is celebrated, cherished and supported.

Our children deserve it.

Today was like a fresh sunny morning after a long night of hard rain. All of my kids were healthy and rested. We eased into the day with nowhere to go. No endless trips to town. No school drop offs. Just me and my three kids. Alex following the bigs around as if they are his toys. Time with Charlie. as precious as a sunny day on the coast. At one point I looked out front and saw all three kids deeply engaged in amazing play. They created a shop for Alex to work in and as I cleaned house I peek out front with a huge smile on my face.
Health.
You may not celebrate it until you don't have it.
over 5 years ago my mom took a turn for the worst health wise. What she lacked in mobility and comfort she has made up for in gratitude, attitude, and wisdom. And all those that surround her see it, feel it, and learn from it. This week was her third and final BT. I imagine walking into and through these three procedures has been scary. But she did it. I know the aftermath has been uncomfortable. And I know with all of my heart and soul that she is doing it all for us. To see Charlie reach his goals. For we are all witnesses. To watch Josh walk down the aisle. To answer my endless texts. To share in my good news, and to comfort me in my times of need. To see all the wonderful things Aunt Kate will accomplish. To be there day in and day out for my dad. To see what kind of small child silly, sweet Alex will become. To watch and revel in the greatness that is Little Kate. And to watch and support the love Adam and I share.
Health.
Charlie struggled 2012. We charted his illnesses and it was as often as every 2 weeks for 8-12 months. So often that I was convinced he was very sick and took him in for a full blood, stool, allergy work up. We changed his diet and added some immunity boosters and bam no sickness for 5 months. Until Saturday. Little boy, who at times seems bigger and more intense than life itself, vomited every hour for 25 hours. I was ready to take him to the ER on hour 20. Thank goddess Adam was by my side and just kept waking him or trying to wake him for fluids.
And now we are healthy. Just like that. And I am once again reminded of how important it is to put nourishing food and nutrients into our bodies.
Because summer is here. I wrap up my job in a few days and I take pride in the fact that I have successfully completed a full year of working full-time from home with three littles. I relish in the fact that I have 10 weeks with my kids. That means 10 weeks to focus on not yelling, not getting too involved in their play or bickering. 10 weeks to show them I have the time to play a card game or board game or take a walk.
I look back at the time in my life when I only had two kids. young kids. no job. and all day to make it my own. And I already long for those days. When baking, playing, deep breaths, occasional tears, and lots of laughter filled my room.
I am done with checking my phone for work calls, work emails, and never ending work tasks.
I am ready to take the kids out and about. for the dance parties and trips to museums and zoos. I am ready for spontaneous trips to the beach, parks, and happy hour playdates.
Mostly I am ready to have my little family under one roof more often than not.
Uh and I am ready for my mom to be out of her bubble, and for my sister Kate to come home.

Who we are

              We are the family that adores watching our kids play sports. We build our days, both during the week and weekends around our kids sports. We are the family that cheers (some would call it yells) too much during games. In fact last baseball game after the umpire called a clear strike a ball and I yelled WHOOOOOAH...adam had to silence me with  a quick: shut up sarah. Here Charlie is at bat. He had two great hits into the out field this game (and one strike out) and had a few amazing plays in the field (totally objective) and pitched two innings for the first time ever. We are the family that revels in Saturdays spent on soccer fields with family and friends.

                             This time of year we get amazing sun on our back deck. My idea of heaven is a long day full of ups and downs followed by a nice cold beer on a somewhat sunny deck looking at a magazine about food while my kids play.

        HMB gets amazingly gorgeous days in the spring..actually we have days that are breath-taking every season, except summer. There is nothing better than dropping work, housework, prior engagements, and life to run around at the beach when the weather hits high 60s. I have watched my kids run this maze from the time they were crawling.

                    You certainly know life is good when you can sit on the beach in May and feel so hot that a cool slice of watermelon is needed.

I constantly thought during this outing: This is my light at the end of the tunnel. Hear I have a nearly 2 year old (smart, verbal, silly, and sweet) that can play safely at a beach with close supervision. I see the light...

Alex following a class of k/1 out to get watered in the garden since  by 9 am it was hitting 70 degrees

I had an interesting talk about life, long, kids, family, struggles today with a woman I went to college with. She mentioned her daughter who is almost 10. She described her daughter and I found myself opening my mouth and saying: No matter what hardships, family issues, or crap thrown at us...the fact that we can say we have an amazing daughter who is close to our heart....that is something that makes everything else bearable. When life has caused me more pain that I am used to the first person I turn to is Kate. I don't always let her know why I need the play, the hug, the love...but I know that when I feel like I am falling apart...looking at Kate and being with all my kids grounds me.

                                                         Just having breakfast with two of the coolest kids around.
    

                                    Sharing gelato with my second daughter. I love this girl beside Kate. We all do.

           Speaking of loving B, this is her amazing mom, whom I adore. Yes, I was that friend that told her to hold her position after a slight bike run in with succulents so I could snap a pic.

                                Montara Triangle potluck. Enough said

                          The boys that keep me on my toes, forever flexible, and always madly in love.

The truth

The truth is I am BRCA 1 positive.
And cancer runs in my family. The real truth is I have three amazing, healthy, beautiful kids that I adore. I have a family that I truly love and enjoy. I have a husband I learn from and love more everyday. I live in the same town I grew up in, and yet discover new amazing places every week. I have a career path that I am content in. I have friends I love as if they were my sisters.
I have a lot to lose. That is the absolute truth.
I remember talking to my mom about this gene mutation. Was it 10 years ago? I remember her bringing up my dad's mom's fight against ovarian cancer in her young 40s. And something about a magazine article about Ashkanazi Jews and cancer. I felt ok, strong in my family, myself and my life.
I remember sitting in the waiting room for the results. The tears in my mom's eyes, the relief in my heart when I found out Kate was negative. I was positive. And I felt ok with that. I knew in that moment that if I had a choice between me or my sister and this cancer gene...that I would of course want it to be me. It is amazing the comfort you get when you love someone with all of your soul.
I was asked to join studies, support groups...yada yada. I had a doctor who I connected with, who ensured me with all of her heart that she would see me through screenings and see that I was ok.
And then she moved across the country and my insurance changed. and life happened.
So 10 years later I am here.
I found an online support group tonight mainly because I am not sure when and what and where and how this all works.
I can say strongly without tears or fears that I will get my ovaries out and possible a double mastectomy.
But I am now 34, almost 35. My family is complete and my clock is ticking. I read thread after thread tonight about women in their early 30s already having these crazy preventative surgeries and it hit home so hard it hurts to breath.
I am hanging on after a full year of working "full-time" with three little kids. I am a stay at home mom tending to all the cooking, cleaning, activities...while also working every evening. I love it but when a random meeting or work related need comes up I panic. Who will watch my kids?
So when I consider the hows and wheres of a preventative surgery the panic returns. Except I have family and friends, and a devoted husband, and a daycare woman I adore....so perhaps the hang up is the actual truth that this is my reality. And honestly it isn't the surgery that scares me. It is the probability of cancer.
Cancer is all around us. We all have family members, friends, community members that we have lost to this disease.
I can't be one of them. I have too much to loose and too much to offer.

Aunt Kate

My heart aches for you. How long has it been since we talked......days, weeks....months, years.
I pulled up to moms and dads briefly the other day to pick up something and charlie said quietly, "I really wish Aunt Kate didn't go"
I hold on to the days passing but with each new day and night I feel a growing ache in my heart.
Where is my better half? Of sisterhood.
The one that listens, loves, helps, heals, provides, inspires, and creates
with me.
I cannot even recall how long it has been. I know for a while I felt ok. Only after I cried so hard the day she left. We all cried. I was walking around folding laundry when we heard Aunt Kate was coming to say goodbye. Charlie, with sad eyes, collapsed on the couch and pleaded for Aunt Kate to just go. For he knew saying goodbye would be too hard. Kate started to cry and I followed. I can't remember if alex cried or merely mimicked our cries (something he is skilled at doing).
90 days charlie said over and over. Why does she have to go 90 days?
The first while felt ok. I read emails and a letter and talked to her and knew she was living a pure happy life. A life free of chaos. A life based on what is real: treating your body respectfully, gardening, healthy foods, exercise, solitude. Charlie tells just about anyone who inquires that his aunt is writing a book. "a big book" "one with lots of chapters"
tick tock tick tock
The days pass and these past few days have been so trying. My litmus tests are passing with flying colors. My mom is doing as well as she could, and other members of my family are thriving. And yet work this past week has weakened my spirit, dampened my soul, created stress to the point where I feel over it.
And then I crave my sister. Her mannerisms, humor, long hair, crooked nose, creativity, undying need for the touch of my children.
come home Kate. How many times will that feeling burn deep in my soul before you just come home and stay home.
Probably never.
Which is a beautiful things.