Dear Charlie,

On your third birthday.

On your third birthday memories of your birth drifted in and out of my mind.

As soon as they brought you to my chest and I looked into your little sweet eyes, I knew you were special. They said you would have to be a c-section, but you fought for hours and hours to be born they way you wanted to be. You lifted your head only moments after being brought to my chest, and looked around as if to see if this was a place that you could get used to.

On your third birthday I thought about all those sweet moments where you slept on our chests. The first 8 weeks of your life you slept soundly on your dad's chest at night, huddled in a heap, as sweet and lovely as ever. Your perfect head, lips and deep blue eyes captivated everyone's hearts. 

You started laughing at just 8 weeks or so, and everything we did made you smile. Your smell, touch and even just the thought of you made us smile.

As you turn 3, I think about how far we have come as parents, how much you have taught us, and how much we have left to learn from each other.

On July 3rd, a secret tear escaped my eye while I thought about all the love and respect I have for you. Your dad and I were lucky enough to be able to spend your actual birthday together river rafting. It was our first day away from you ever, and you know what....All those quiet beautiful moments along the river, hiking to a small waterfall, and around a creek....what I thought about was you. I thought about your zest for life, your curiosity, your energy, sweetness, and your inner hunger to understand all that surrounds you. I imagined the questions you would ask about this and that, and thought of how I would best tackle your endless questions. It was a day away from you, but charlie not once did I stop thinking about you or feeling your presence.

Looking back over the years, I can't help but to  chuckle to myself as I think abou how you got around for months and months, your super fast crawl on two feet and two hands, and how you were just as mobile and fast as your walking friends.  I remember your love for tennis at the tender age of 1. How you would sit for 30 minutes at a time practicing your backhand and forehand with a toy for a racket and a ball. The way I would carry on with my things and would turn around to find you sitting in your book basket reading to yourself.

I reflect back to the 18-21 month Charlie. With so many signs, sound effects, and new words and phrases. The way you would create a sentence from a few words, a few signs, and a few sounds. Your amazing memory and how you would talk about things you saw days or weeks before, how you would re-enact things that happened to you.

I am amazed at how far you have come with your verbal skills, and smile as I see you explain feelings, thoughts in complete sentences...

As you turn three and enter another year, I've started looking forward as well...to you getting older and bigger, starting preschool, and perhaps soccer camp....to learning to ride your bike, and skateboard, and share toys with your sister.

When I think about you and your little life,  I think of your father. Knowing that we are a perfect pair and have done well to guide you through your first three years of life. I have no regrets from these first three years. You are strong-willed, determined, stubborn, and fiesty. And these are the exact qualities I want for you. There is no doubt in my mind that you will become your own person, a leader, not a follower.

You concern for all living things blows me away. How after seeing three wild boars dead on the side of the road weeks ago, you still come back to it daily. asking questions...making connections.

On your third birthday while in the tent cabin with your cousin Jackson and me I heard you tell such a sweet story from beginning to end: Once upon a time there was a dragon, a mean dragon that blew out fire. It burned down houses. BOOM BOOm BOOM (dragon walking) and then a happy boy came along. And he made the dragon happy. The end. (Turns out it is the same story your dad tells you at night) But still I am proud. I am proud at your ability at just three to tell a story that has a beginning, middle, and end. 

At the park and playgroup I hear you say things like, "When you are done, can I use it?" and 

"You can have a turn in 3 minutes." and I feel proud that the way we talk to you is translating into the way you talk to those around you. Sometimes. You have also begun to find power in your words and actions. You can say things like Pooper, and Poopy to get a laugh out of your friends and sister. You can yell at the top of your lungs, "Your a bad girl!" to make your sister cry. You can scream "mine" about a present that you just opened even though not one person in the room is challenging that fact that your birthday present is yours.

At times you drive me bonkers. You are a bundle of energy, spending most of your day exploring our backyard, strutting along the bluffs, racing butterflies at the park. And there are days and moments where you meltdown...where you don't understand why I won't let you have spoon fulls of  uga (sugar) for breakfast. And while I try to accept all your emotions and cuddle you through your moments of frustration, I too get frustrated.

You have taught me about frustration. You have taught me how to stay one step ahead of everything within my own mind. How to respond rather than react. How to communicate rather than give commands. How to look the other way for small infractions. How to fly like a happy dragon, play chase like I was 10 again, find the best hiding spots, find pleasure in shaping play dough, laugh uncontrollably at the smallest things. How to bite my tongue and not speak when I am angry. How to dance. How to bake. How to make food slowly and with love and patince. How to better parent your sister. How to love your father with as much dedication and daily excitement that you do. How to appreciate my family, my extended family, and everyone that is there to help me. In just three years you have helped transformed me. Having you and raising you thus far has interfered with things traveling, music, teaching.....but those are material things, and what you have shown me, experienced with me, and taught me....both directly and indirectly has helped me become the person, woman, mother, daughter, wife, and friend that I am.

So Charlie on your third birthday know this. Know that I love every single thing about you. And while it is difficult to have our daily experiences become memories, I know that this year will be wonderful too.

I love you.

Mom