Hard days and Happy Endings

My two and a half week streak came to a grounding halt a few days ago. Two and a half weeks of awesome days, tender moments, many smiles, silly moments, good food, clean rooms, and happy campers. I am not complaining. I will take almost 3 weeks of greatness in exchange for a few hard days anytime. 

Parenting is such a reflective career, and Charlie has put all my patience and creativity to a test. I am not proud to announce that Thursday could have been my hardest day in a long time. And what got me through the endless meltdowns, tantrums, and chaos was the thought of a massage and a dinner out with out amazing moms. I got the massage, and that was so nice. But I never got to meet up with my friends. Instead I spent the night crying and hurt. Angry at myself for yelling so much at Charlie, and just down right defeated.

I forgave myself, had some great talks with adam about my struggles, and read some great articles and I am feeling refreshed.

Charlie has been such a wonderful little person his whole life ( all almost 3 years of it), we never hit terrible twos (not sure if there is such a thing) and the tantrums he did have can always be traced back to situations that are beyond his control: being sick, tired, hungry, or the baby getting too much attention. So it has been throwing me a bit off kilter the past few months when we have had days where he has hit, fell apart, and screamed 10 times before 9 am. Of course there have only been a handful of those days, but needless to say they are challenging.

I am proud to say that last Thursday was my first time ever really yelling at charlie. and hopefully it won't become a habit, but it sure didn't change his behavior, rather it aggrevated it, and once we all calmed down he stated in the sweetest little boy voice: Mommy, please don't ever yell at me again. Ok Charlie, I will try. I hated that I yelled throughout the day. I usually cane mantain my composure. Take deep breaths and give him the comfort, understanding and love that he needs to regain his ownself.

But this day I couldn't. I was tired and depleted. 10 hour days are hard. Especially without breaks. And Kate as wonderful as she is, isn't this baby that naps off in her carseat anymore. She has more spunk that I could have ever imagined. Stealing Charlie's toys, biting him when she is mad, demanding as much attention as the next toddler. And I have been focused on turning my Nos to Yes's. Yes you can play tennis, Yes charlie we can paint, do play dough, take two walks a day, go here, go there. Yes Kate we can eat again. Yes I will play with you. Yes Charlie you can wash the dishes...and I love the positive energy that it creates, but it is tiring. And after 3 years maybe I want a little vacation alone, or with adam. Maybe I want more than an hour away. Maybe I want a job, or even just a few hours a week to help set up and create all the projects we are doing. Prep time. Do they give you that as a stay home mom.

So Charlie. I am sorry that I yelled and was not myself last thursday, but I assure you that it has redirected me and my parenting, and I am reading, thinking, writing, and talking about what we can all do better to better support and help you. Bare with me. I love you!